Desultory Views

App Snow Removal

2011-02-02T00:07:00.000-08:00

That's me trying my best to be witty as I describe my day. I think that when this storm will have passed, everyone is going to be yammering on and on about all the obstacles they've had to overcome and perceiver. For the most part they'll all sound the same. I'm sure mine will too, so I'll try not to be too cliche' in anything I tell.

What was probably the most shocking part of my day wasn't canceled field trips, busted wiper blades, or fighting the blizzard. It was the 375+ games and applications I blocked and removed from Facebook. Slowly I am making my way to freeing myself of that and putting that time and energy into much more productive endeavors.

I'm still playing games, but I took 94% of that whole mess away. It's a small start, but it's a positive one and I'm enjoying it so far.

Sometime tomorrow I'll have some nice Blizzard photos to post. I have a few now, but I'm going to get some sleep and get ready for tomorrow.

Sometimes the past is creepy

2009-07-05T23:10:00.000-07:00

I came across this link today on Facebook, courtesy of Steve Niles, a horror writer who is probably best known for creating the story that became the movie "30 Days of Night." It's a humorous list of some old magazine advertisements that while in some cases are either scary and bizarre or extremely offensive by today's standards, nevertheless made me laugh quite a bit. When you put your mind to the fact that modern advertising is really close to 100 years old, it's come a long way in terms of understanding how to promote their products and understand who they are targeting. Just thinking about what those early years must have been like without the ethics and regulations that guide it (for good or ill) today, it must have been similar to a wilderness.

Anyways, take a few minutes and check out the link and the rest of the site, it's should provide you with some good laughs.

Sleep Issues

2009-07-05T03:31:00.000-07:00

The last week has been a tough one for getting good sleep. This is the fourth consecutive day that I have pushed myself into the early morning and the second time in three days that I won't have slept at all. Nothing in particular seems to be bothering me and my mood is pretty solid, so I haven't a clue as to what my problem really is. Looks like I'll need to see my doctor this week to get me a prescription for some sleep medication to help me through this.

Looking past this, it's been a very nice weekend. Meva and I decided to enjoy her three day weekend by relaxing and having a very low-key holiday just enjoying some quality family time together and trying to make a dent into the never ending monster that is laundry. The laundry is winning by the way, but I am hoping to rally from behind later today.

Due to the rainy weather for Saturday, we moved up our Independence Day celebration to Friday night so we could take the kids to see fireworks. We found a good spot with plenty of room for the triplets to run and they had a great time. Surprisingly, Sarah ended up being afraid of the louder aerial bombs and wanted to go home quickly. Ryan, who I was worried would be scared, loved every minute of it and told us that it was "Christmas Time" whenever a red and green exploded into the sky, which surprisingly happened quite frequently. It was a great time overall and as a parent, it was really cool to have that experience from the adult perspective.

Speaking of this holiday, it absolutely drive me nuts when I hear people say they are celebrating "The 4th of July" as though the we were celebrating the fact that it's no longer the 3rd. I have no idea exactly why I am wired this way, but it's a big deal to me to accurately refer to it as Independence Day. Maybe it's because every country has a 4th of July.

Meva and I also got to do something very rare for us, and that was to go out for an evening alone. Tom and Colleen graciously watched the triplets for us while we saw Star Trek and went out to dinner. It was a great time, but I was really disturbed by the absolutely enormous size of the bucket for popcorn. It seemed like everyone got that size, which they accurrately called "Extreme." When a guy my size is awed by the serving size, it's just wrong. When I was a kid, the only time I saw a bucket that big it had 12 pieces of chicken and about 4 biscuits in it. Just sad.

That's it for now. It's anow almost 6am and I need to decide if I'm going to try one last time for some sleep, or if I am going to hang it up and start some coffee. I guess I'll just stare at the strange Autumn-like fog that has crept in from some past or future October.

Weird Comments

2009-04-23T22:23:00.000-07:00

Almost two years ago we had to replace our air conditioning unit because Gus peed all over the coils and basically killed the thing. Shortly there after I spoke about my general dislike of all things Gus, the ridiculous amounts of money he's cost us and how he has bitten people, the most traumatic was Sarah.

So sometime yesterday I get a comment on that very post. I am more amused that someone felt the need to comment on something so old than I am of their silly comment. The person was in favor of us getting rid of the dog because you can't have one in a house with kids when he's been known to bite them. Well to whoever you were, it wasn't from a lack of trying.

I was planning on taking the triplets to an arboretum tomorrow, but the weather has turned on us, so we will just be hanging at home and doing other stuff.I'm disappointed we're not going, but I plan to have fun with them regardless. Maybe it should be finger painting day tomorrow, that will be fun.

I took one of those silly quizzes on Facebook today, to determine what Jesus might think of me. According to whoever created this thing, Jesus thinks I am a "Sanctimonious Prick!" If my memory is right it consisted of 4 questions, and the first one was loaded about your outlook on orhanized religion. Still, I got a big kick out of it!!!

Busy

2009-04-21T18:36:00.000-07:00

It's taken me a bit longer than I had originally hoped, but I finally got my comic book blog, The Comic Book Observatory. In the end, I switched it around and changed the template so that it has an entirely new look, which of course caused the largest obstacles and longest delays. But it's back up and I figure to slowly add to it as I get back into what I want to do with it. So, if you are just dying to hear me talk about Superheroes, sequential art, and all things comic book related (yes, I am talking to you Michelle Williams) then you'll be able to have nerdgasm after nerdgasm over there!

Around here I've been trying to get the house in order for spring. It seems like every time I have a chance to start working either the weather is horrible or there are other priorities pulling me away. I still haven't taken care of the grubs, but I did finally dig out a bush that needed to go. It only took me a few hours and cost me a shovel that I broke trying to dig it out.

We spent a great weekend in Ohio for Easter. This was the first year that the triplets colored eggs. In reality all they did was drop the eggs in and help take them out, and go "WOW" at the bright colors, but I enjoyed it and we were able to get some nice pictures.

I'd like to write more, but there is still a table full of clothes to fold and I have a meeting early in the morning to learn about diabetes. Before you freak out, nothing has changed with my health. For years I have always skirted close to when ever I had blood work during physicals and check-ups. It doesn't help that they've changed what they consider to be diabetes as measure by a glucose check, but it the magic number is 100 and above, I've routinely hovered around 97 or 99. Meva says that recently lowered the number to 99 just in time for me to score 100 on my last test. My doctor isn't overly concerned for me and his only advice was for me to "lose some weight" and the number should come down on it's own. To that end I decided to attend a diabetes class to educate myself and try and stave the off before I end up in serious trouble. I am sure I'll talk about it in a few days.

Return of the Grubs

2009-03-31T14:25:00.000-07:00

It's been quite a few years since I've seen spring fail so miserable to gain it's foothold from winter! While the temperature is more to my liking right now it does prevent me from getting outside to work on the lawn and yard. My perennial battle with lawn grubs and what seems like a bazillion different types of weeds seems to have lost ground over the winter and I can already see more grub patches than we had last year. Fun stuff for sure!

Meanwhile I had to fire Ryan's occupational therapist today. There's really not much I can say that was good about her, she was consistently late for appointments, rescheduled or canceled appointments almost weekly, and I honestly questioned her skills and knowledge as an OT. The state of Illinois provides services for children who need them and our kids qualified based on being premature at birth, but this coverage lasts only until they turn 3, at which time the local school district takes over. So I tried to wait these last four months for this transition, but today was the last straw. With her gone though I am hoping to feel a little less stressed.

Over the weekend I took some time and wrote a very short review of a comic book. Despite the comic book being brutal, I really enjoyed writing the review and made realize how much I have missed talking about comic books in general. I think that I'm going to bring back my comic book blog, The Comic Book Observatory. It's really long over due and something I've neglected now for almost two years. As things begin to heat up with my comic book writing, I think this is a good time to start it back up, so look for that to relaunch at some point this week. Once I do I'll mention it here along with some news about the future of things.

Tonight I'll actually be visiting my father. Unfortunately it's happening because he's in the hospital with pneumonia and some other issues. We've been really working on our relationship the last couple of months and he was planning on visiting my house and meeting the triplets for the first time before this setback. Hopefully he'll feel stronger and up to a visit.

That's about it for now. I need to go and make some bread dough.

Still Going Weak

2009-03-13T09:30:00.000-07:00

The kids seem to be on the mend, feeling better, playing and just being 2 yr old's. On the opposite spectrum is me. I'm feeling worse than yesterday, but if the kids can stay feeling better, then that might make today better for me overall. If only I didn't need to go to Sam's Club today life would be sweet and I could just sleep when Meva comes home. That will have to be put on hold until I finish the shopping. But then I get to rest. Until then I'm hoping to work on my eBay solicitations as I've fallen behind lately and need to get more up there as well as ship out on package today on my way to Sam's.

In the meantime, enjoy this graph from Graphjam.com. It's what would happen if I was the only one who bought clothes for the triplets:

One Hundred Times Three

2009-03-12T06:19:00.000-07:00

We've had cold bug bouncing around the house seemingly since November. It's been more annoying than anything else; giving us sinus issues, coughs, and the typical aches and pains of a cold. It comes and then goes away for a bit until someone else picks it back up and passes it back around. Just normal winter crap.

Monday Perrin broke down with a low fever and runny nose. He just layed around most of that day and the early part of Tuesday. He seems to have bounced back just fine. Wednesday morning Ryan woke up hot, flushed, and caked with snot. He was absolutely miserable to the point that he layed on the sofa all day yesterday and didn't once get down to play. I had to fight with him to push liquids and he hardly ate. Despite alternating Children's Tylenol and Ibuprofen every few hours, the best I could do with his temperature was 101.2.

After their naps, Ryan stayed the same and Sarah joined him. She woke up real hot and flushed---and I mean REAL flushed. Her temperature spiked to 100.3 and by the end of the night she had perked up and was back to playing.

But prior to the end of the night, I had my hands full trying to comfort too sick kids and then placate the one that wasn't sick. Poor little Perrin just wanted some attention and I feel bad I couldn't give him more. But overall he was so good and very helpful, he makes me smile.

After having Ryan sleep with me last night because he kept waking up and crying, he woke me at 6:00am this morning. I kept him quite for almost two hours before getting him up to start the meds again, getting him something to drink, and then putting him back down with Meva. That's not going over too well though as I keep hearing him cry and call out for his Daddy! I'd go out back in there and lay down with him except my sinuses are all jacked up. One side is stuffed, the other one is runny. My head is pounding and I ache all over. I just took my temperature and I'm now at 100.4.

It is going to be a LONG day (Meva works until 8PM) by myself with at least Ryan and I sick and hopefully no one else. On a positive note, the kids have started to appreciate Batman. They like to watch Batman cartoons (not as much as Word World or some of their others) and they call it "Batman: Crash!" because he beats people up and they "fall down and go crash." DC comics animation came out with a new Batman animated movie, and I won it for $.01 on ebay, and it arrived yesterday! So we'll all get to watch that today. If I can find the strength before Meva leaves for work, I'm going to make some more ham rolls so we can all just snack and eat them throughout the day and not have to cook much beyond that.

A Blast From the Past

2009-03-10T11:10:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when I think about my children and the changes I've made and continue to make in my behavior so that I can be a better role model I realize that I am only masquerading and that I will never truly change. Instead I've become and actor; taking on the role of "Dad" in the longest movie ever produced.

I was thinking about this last night after talking to my friend Michelle. Some how we got on the subject of farts briefly as conversations can often turn silly when late at night over a cocktail or two or three or...........well, you get the picture! So, I told Michelle I had a good fart story, which if you'd read this blog awhile, you know I do. For those of you who are new, let me present a repeat of what I should probably start calling Gasterpiece Theater.

Anyways, here is a story that I have used to cheer myself up from time to time. It also reinforces the theory above that I will always be acting. Anyways, here is something I first wrote about last April and I present it in it's original entirety; enjoy:

The last thing I want to do is talk about my continuing struggles with depression and all of the drama in my life because quite frankly, it just serves to feed the fire. To that end, I thought I would talk about something that is near and dear to my heart, something that anyone who knows me is familiar with on levels that are hilarious and repugnant, often at the same time.

I'm talking about flatulence. Farting. Dropping Stink Bombs. Now if you don't know this about me, I guess you'd have to call this a TMI situation, but I'm going to operate along the lines of sharing is caring, so stick around.

Through my wife, I've learned to love a bargain despite hating to shop. She'll be the first to tell you that I can often find some great deals. This past Christmas season was no exception, and when it came time to replace my entire holiday lighting for both the indoors and outdoors, I jumped at the chance; lured by the cruel mistress of "up to 70% off."

My object of affection this time were LED lights. They're brighter, prettier, and use up less energy, so how could I not like them? Now was my chance, and I headed over to American Sales to see just what they were offering. I have to admit, it was incredible. But saving money isn't always a sexy story, and neither is this one because it spotlights and comments on the nature of this thrifty, money-saving section of our society.

For the first time in my life I fell in the path of senior citizens, armed with their AARP discount cards and motorized scooters rushing for gaudy Holiday decorations like they were elixirs for eternal life. I tried as politely as I could to pick and choose the right mixture of colors and strands of LED lights in the ridiculously narrow aisles they provide. To make matters worse this sales discount had created a euphoria that totally destroyed any order to the stock on the shelves and the extra stock above the shelves. Everything was chaos, strands of lights by the caseload were laying open and scattered on the floor, trampled on and impeding any chance for an orderly flow through the aisle.

I took my time in trying to describe this environment because as I entered, it was already filled with silver hair and OPS looking for lights and trying to understand this new fangled technology (LED lights). I already knew the amount of lights I needed and the colors I wanted, so it was just a matter of trying to find them.

So what does this have to do with breaking wind? I'm getting there. First off let me extol a bit on my prowess in this department. I've never been sure if it's a gift or a curse, but I was born with a proficiency for quantity and potency. In high school my notoriety was so bad that my gastric emissions were assigned levels with names such as :

Class 3 Lingering Death Bomb--- These stayed so long they signed a lease.
Class 2 Silent Assassin--- These were the ones you never heard but always felt.
Class 1 Roaming Vapor--- You couldn't run fast enough or far enough to escape these.
Class 0 Internal Devourer--- Affected only me and damn near ate me away from the inside out.

Now a days we just say someone has IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) but as a youth I was good enough to not just go pro, I had serious hall of fame potential here. Whether you needed me to warp vinyl or clear a room, I was THE MAN.

And I've gotten older, so you know how things stand. My wife will attest to this (last night she slept on the couch just based on my recommendation).

So here I am, gingerly trying to maneuver around people who probably won't be alive next year to enjoy the shit they're buying, doing my best to be polite and wait for them and not push my way past them. But I kid you not these were some of the nastiest people I have seen in quite some time. They were seriously scolding me for taking a box of lights that they "had their eye on," telling me I was rude for even trying to take a box of lights 5 feet from where they were since they were still shopping.

But it got worse from there. They began to bully me and push me out of their way. I know, you're thinking I'm grossly abusing hyperbole, but let me assure that I am not. I would literally reach for a box of light bulbs and have a 60ish or 80ish old man or woman push my arm away, or actually use their entire body to knock me and block me out of the way of my selection and push me further down the aisle.

One thing I've learned is that I'll always lose an argument against the AARP crowd when it comes to retail situations, so I backed away and strolled the store until they were finished before trying again. But guess what? This didn't just happen to me once; of no! This happened again and again and again with different sets of people. I'm not making this up in any way. Part of the reason I don't think I acted sooner is that I was shocked and in awe of the belligerence I was experiencing. I am definitely not used to being a victim of physical abuse.

The long and short of this is I was mad, really mad. I wanted those lights. I love Christmas and I enjoy decorating the house in all the bright festive colors and getting into the mood of the season. It was still about a week before Christmas and these nasty old people were displaying some of the most selfish and ungiving spirits I have ever witnessed. But considering the age difference, the obvious diminished health, and their nasty demeanor, I was impotent to really confront them. But again, I hate shopping and I wanted those lights, I needed those lights. Next year would be the first year my kids would be excited about Christmas decorations, and I wanted some nice bright lights. So I used the only option available to me.

In the spirit of the Holidays, I decided to give and share with them the precious gift of my talents and abilities---- I LET IT RIP!!

Not just once or twice mind you, but over and over and over again. I wore it proud, but best of all, I wore it loud! At the time there were about 6 or 7 people in this aisle, some couples, some singles. I farted standing directly next to some crotchety battleaxe that had just ran into my ankle with her stupid scooter. She was maybe 6 inches from me and her face was closer to my ass than it should have been, but I gave her a vociferous mouthful!

It then went silent. I think even the snow globes stopped working and the music died. Everyone in the aisle turned and looked at me, frowns and shocked looks floating around my head like swarms of gnats on a summer day. Two other people, as well as the old witch in the chariot were about to say something when I inhaled deeply, scrunched up my face, contracted my stomach muscles and pushed out another beauty that was longer and louder than the first one; this time catching the old crone with her mouth wide open.

It was simply marvelous, the perfect offense. What did I care what these nasty people thought of me? People who behave as they did aren't worthy of my attention or opinion of me, so they got what was coming.

So now I've ripped two loud, and I mean heard two or more aisles over loud, farts. The complaints and comments start flying at me fast and with a flurry of fury. Lucky for me I must have eaten something that provided me with substantial fuel, because I could feel more pressure building inside.

I told them all that I found their behaviors and attitudes to be more obnoxious and crass than the uncouth behavior I had just exhibited. I said I had been trying to be polite and courteous but I'd had enough of their entitlement behavior, rude comments, and physical abuse as they shoved me aside to save money. With each word I could feel the pressure increasing and increasing, and as the last word came out my previous vapors hit everyone's noses.

I loved seeing the looks of disgust and even some horror as I had unleashed both a class 1 and a class 3 fart. Hands began to wave in the air in front of their faces, noses were pinched, and a few coughs came out of barely working lungs that were constantly assaulted by the fumes of their BINGO ink stampers. This didn't deter me one bit though, and if you know me at all, you know what I did next.

I told them all I wasn't leaving. I was tired of being mistreated. And that this was going to continue for as long as I wanted it to. I then proceeded to open the flood gates in a stream of pestilence that damn near frightened even me. The final harmonic, rippling, and at times moist (I'm not ashamed to admit this either) achieved my goal and cleared out at least my aisle and possibly a few more. Finally I was able to shop unmolested and get the items I had wanted. Less than 5 minutes later I had over 2000 lights and I was finished.

The trip to the counter was filled with hatred and malice from the survivors as I passed them by and dragged along reminders for them to battle a second time. What's important here is that I won! I fought AARP and I won!!! Not many my age can say that.

Curse or gift? You decide. I only know that I can control it to an advantage at times, and in this instance I had made the world a better place.

It's Coming

2009-03-05T23:48:00.000-08:00

Slowly but surely I'm beginning to get anxious about turning 40 in a few days. Aging doesn't bother me and I'm not feeling like I've missed out on parts of my life or youth or I need to do certain things before I can't. There's not going to be any illicit affairs (unless Peri Gilpen comes calling, but I have Meva's permission on that one, just as she can answer Brad Pitt's knock on the door!); feats of strength, courage, or stupidity; or ridiculous material purchases to compensate for my age. I will not be living any lifetime movie roles.

There are two things that do bother me, and they've caused me so much stress and anxiety that I'm not sleeping (despite meds to help with that) and I'm constantly nauseous and headache ridden over these last three weeks. It's to the point that I think it is starting to manifest itself physically. Each day there are new and stronger aches and pains and when I have time to myself I feel like I am racing, where I get flushed, feel overheated, and at times my hands shake. It is annoying and I'm hoping that once I pass the Saturday milestone things will calm down.

I feel compelled to talk a bit about it, but I don't want to make this a downer of a post. Mostly I just worry about how things are right now compared to how I'd prefer my life to be. So if anyone thinks I've been distant or quite of late, I apologize. My mind has been full and conversation and patience have been in short supply of late. I promise to work on this and make noticable change in the very near future.

But for those that don't know, my son Ryan is already busting my balls. I don't mean this figuratively either. The little shit managed to step on my left testicle (that's about 40 pounds of solid toddler crushing on me) before getting startled by my initial cries of pain which caused him to get scared and drop to his knees. Guess where those said knees landed???? Yeah, that's right, if they weren't already snipped and taken out of commission, they'd be broken now! I spent three days walking gingerly and having to take pain meds for this. Big Ouch!

I want to try and find something positive, so on the plus side of things we had an absolutely gorgeous day today. I had just a small taste of fun raking up excess gravel from my lawn that I shoveled into the grass with each accumulation of winter snow. As I raked it back onto the driveway, I began to think about all the work I would soon be able to accomplish as spring arrives and the weather turns to something much more hospital for lawn and yard care.

What I want

2009-02-17T22:50:00.000-08:00

My wife hates to hear me talk about this topic, so you should know I'll be in trouble before you're done reading this post, so I'm going to go ahead and set up a separate bed.

First and foremost on my mind lately has to be where we live. For an urban area, Chicago is the best place in my opinion, but I am sick of the life here in the 'burbs with its poor road infrastructure, distribution warehouses, and flat farmlands. I want life in the wild, surrounded by trees and streams and rivers, with great views of mountains, lakes, and wildlife. Washington, Oregon, Idaho, and Alaska haunt me and pull to me. It's becoming a type of religious calling for me at this point and I don't want to regret never being there.

I want to write comic books. I'll publish my own if I have to, but I'd rather get discovered by a company and begin working my way up from there. I've really been working lately on writing when I can and making time for it more often, Even when I am not writing, I'm constantly thinking about stories and how to lay them out in each panel. This is becoming my passion and I need to give it the attention it deserves.

And speaking of comic books, I can't get rid of this itch that I have to actually open my own comic shop. I love comics so much and I want to see them marketed and made cooler than anything else going on out there. This one would take money, but I know I can make it work, and I'm so ready to put this out and give it my best.

Regardless of anything, I keep thinking of a quote that goes something like this:

"20 years from now your greatest regrets won't be for what you've done, they will be what you never tried."

I think it was Mark Twain who wrote that, but I'm not sure anymore. Either way, I think about it every day when the three dreams above take over.

Parenting is exhausting.

2009-02-06T22:26:00.000-08:00

I'm just exhausted and stressed out to dangerous levels. I finally bit the bullet and took some anti-anxiety pills to help be relax. Yes, they worked. Very well. I feel like I've been hanging out with Michael Phelps and Willie Nelsen, but with out the munchies!!

I'm still talking with my father, and it's moving along nicely. I even had another appointment with my therapist Ivan, which went better than hoped for and was more beneficial than I would have prayed for. So those are both pluses.

I've just about got my first wave of items that I want to put on eBay all together and ready to be listed. It should be around 30-50 items in that initial group, and then the next one will easily double it, if not triple it.

Perrin had a visit with a neurologist today and he has been officially diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy, Make no mistake in that we would rather he didn't have these set backs in life, but having the label official now allows for him to be eligible for services that he needs, which is what we care about. Overall this is good news and hets more focused on determining what his spegific needs are. So, it was a good day.

Bittersweet Weeks

2009-01-26T11:58:00.000-08:00

Lots of stuff going on since my last post. I think the kids have already grown up and moved onto college these last few weeks. Seriously though we've been beset enough car troubles to last us the rest of the year, although considering how old they are, I don't think the odds favor us there. That being said, we've gotten great value out of them, the Vibe alone has almost 150k on it and our van has about 96k, so we are lucky to be here with them. We'll keep babying them and hopefully get another 100k out of each. Well, maybe not the van, it has other problems we are ignoring because they cost more to fix than it's worth. At least we've got a hobby though!

Last week was pretty bittersweet for me. My mother's birthday was Saturday, and it was the first one since she passed away. I'm still not sure I would consider myself as having completely gotten through her dying the day before Thanksgiving on the terms we were on (I wasn't speaking to her) and despite my misgivings I do miss her, if for nothing else than I rooted for her to turn things around and enjoy her life.

The weekend before was also the first birthday for my step dad Lou since he passed away last year too. I miss him a lot and I don't mind saying that my life is just a little less brighter without his cackling laugh and horribly fantastic sense of humor. He shaped so much of my outlook and personality in my teen years that I can't imagine myself without him. I love him and I miss him.

Relations with my real father have been distant and tenuous over the last ten years, and I could probably count the number of times we talked on two hands. It took me years to really appreciate how important it is not to burn bridges in life, and despite whatever feelings of anger or hurt I had, I always stopped short of doing that with him. Well on Wednesday he called me out of the blue and we talked for over 3 hours!

It was a great conversation and he said he didn't like how things were between us and that he wanted to work with me to be a part of my life. It was simply wonderful to hear. You don't get calls like that very often in your life, so it made my day. With everything else, that really helped me get through the two birthdays and I don't think I would have handled myself nearly as well without that phone call and turn of events.

Even I am Cold

2009-01-16T02:18:00.000-08:00

I am honestly cold. People who know me have rarely ever heard me say that, especially when I'm not sick. Yet I am writing this at almost 4am and the temperature is sitting at a glacial -21 degrees outside. This is easily one of the coldest days I've ever experienced. Not since the early and mid 1980's have I seen the temperature like this; almost 24 years ago to the date (Jan 19th & 20th) we had official temperatures of -23 and -27 respectfully back in 1985.

Despite the cold outside, we're holding our own inside and staying warm. Meva didn't go to work on Thursday because either the starter and/or the battery died on her car. The van started, but it was stuck behind Meva's car and with the snowy, icy, and uneven gravel driveway we have I was unable to push her car out to the street. We had her car towed to the mechanic so that he can hopefully get it up and running tomorrow, but the van (which once again has a buster heater) is running (with the "Service Engine Soon" indicator on).

Last night I braved the gelid evening and took the van to the grocery store more for the purpose of just getting it started and warmed more than anything. It only takes about 10 minutes to get to the store, but after stopping to make sure I filled the gas tank and put in some gas line anti-freeze, my hands were frozen, stiff, and prickly painful. I had myself wrapped up and covered, but I guess my gloves aren't very effective (so I will be getting new ones) against this type of extreme cold.

And after having to take Thursday off, Meva wants to drive this ice box on wheels 45 minutes to work in the morning. Even as I write this I can't honestly say if I am even going to let her go. Depsite my frequent joking about keeping her in her place and making her obey me dutifully, I do not give her ultimatums unless I am convinced her life is at risk. I already told her last night that if I felt it was too dangerous I don't know how she's going to be able to convince me otherwise. I think the last time I took a stance like this was the day the triplets were born and I told her she wasn't going into work that day because of how badly she was feeling (and the Dr. obviously sided with me since he decided to deliver the babies that day!).

I spent over two hours outside on Wednesday shoveling our driveways, sidewalks, and parking spots here at the house. In some spots I had over 14 inches of snow due to drifting and not having cleared away some previous accumulation. I hurt my back very badly and even had my eyelashes freeze together more than once. Meva has teased me because I actually had to shovel snow off of our evergreen bushes because it was falling on the sidewalk as I shoveled next to it, burying the spot I had just cleared. I'll try to get some pictures of this tomorrow and post them up here.

The van has now been running and warming up for about an hour now, so I need to check on it and get back to bed to rest up for a potential confrontation with Meva should the things be too cold in the van. I'll leave you with an updated weather joke that was inspired by the late Henny Youngmen:

"How cold was it?" someone asked. "It was so cold I saw Rod Blagojevich with his hands in his own pockets."

Let it Snow!!

2009-01-13T02:08:00.000-08:00

Living in Chicago you get used to snow and cold, and if you're in the small minority like myself, you absolutely enjoy and love this weather. I admit to being excited today when the weather forecasts began to include warning for a Blizzard, frigid temps, and whiteout conditions. So yes, I am a bit of a Winter junkie and even among those who are battle-tested from living out here I am looked at skeptically. I'd love to denounce my naysayers and critics for being unfair or unwilling to embrace the beautiful diversity of nature that we get to enjoy, but I know they are not too far off (My wife will vouch for this).

I mention all of the above because it's 4am and I just came inside after shoveling snow for just over an hour (The picture above is my street, double click it for a better view). I am old, out of shape, and I have back problems, so shoveling snow in the middle of the night during blizzard conditions really does prove my detractors points.

But my strange hours and questionable cold weather habits aside, I'm up because the triplets decided to rebel tonight. Usually they are very well mannered and go to sleep without much incident, but last night they were just wound up and full of energy. Ryan was the last one to go to sleep at about 12:30am tonight, pushing my end of evening plans back more than a few hours. Due to the weather I needed to do some last-minute grocery shopping and I wanted to get the driveways shoveled before the temperature dipped and turned everything on the ground into ice. I'd love the extra couple hours of sleep I'd have gotten by just going to bed, but everything would be twice as difficult and take three times as long in the morning.

So, I'm just waiting for myself to settle down and then I'll be off to bed. It's hard to believe that one of the things I am waiting on is to dry off from sweating so much outside, even though the temperature was probably close to Zero with the wind chill. Man, how boring am I?? I sure yammered away about nothing but the weather.

There hasn't been too much excitement around here, but:

The triplets are no longer the youngest grandchildren anymore. Meva's sister Kelly and her husband Andy welcomed their first child this past weekend, a beautiful girl named Avery Puffer. It was a stressful pregnancy for them that was high risk, but both Kelly and Avery have pulled through it without any problems that I know of. I only got to see Kelly once, at Christmas, while she was carrying Avery, but I thought she looked beautiful and glowing! Hey, say what you want to about me, but I think pregnant women are radiant and I enjoyed the extra radiance that Meva had while the triplets were inside.

My other sister-in-law, the always adorable Pooh Weaver, is now engaged!! Her boyfriend Corey proposed to here at midnight on New Year's Eve. As the ball was dropping in Times Square, Corey of the Elephants was dropping to his knees and asking for the Pooh's hand in marriage. I am excited for Pooh, because she is a wonderful woman and deserves nothing but happiness. I truly believe that Corey will give that to her. I've told him that he has to take care of her and just like his favorite animal, the elephant, I know he will never forget.

There are a few more things, but it is now time to sleep, so I will sleep. I will add more later, hopefully in the late morning or afternoon.

Can't Wait

2009-01-06T00:52:00.000-08:00

I have a feeling this state will once again be embarrassed because of our Governor on a national stage. It's not too often I am excited about the swearing in ceremonies of incoming Senators or Representatives, but the fiasco that has become of Barack Obama's vacant is making everything a bit more interesting. While I would love to see this slapped down in Blago's face and further humiliate him, I'd rather out state have two Senators right now.

I have been reading a ton of comics and graphic novels lately since I discovered my library has a nice collection. One of the stories that I was looking forward to read was about Spiderman getting a reboot due to making a deal with the Devil to save his aunt's life, but at the cost of his marriage and love for his wife MJ. Yes, is was a bit weak, sappy, and a tad drown out, but overall I really liked it. Even more, I liked the new direction better that I started reading in Brand New Day. I thought it was a great updating of the concept and it allows people to experience everything that they may have missed when they couldn't buy books in the 60's and 70's. I will pick up the next trade or too as soon as I can so I can get a final feeling for the entire run.

With all my adventures in the land of endodontics and dentistry I really think I pulled a jaw muscle! My left side is very tight and painful and it will often argue with me before opening wide. It loses the argument, but of course it throws a fit and send some discomfort my way. So I have this to keep me company for the near future. It's definitely better the less I talk, but I'll bet anyone who knows me can name three reasons why that plan has yet to work. I'm going to be happy when this final round of tooth work comes to an end so can get a break.

My wife and I are terrible slackers. We haven't updated the triplets blog in probably over a month. Meva never has time (or so she says!! I can tell you I don't see her rubbing my back or my feet or making me sandwiches, so who knows what she's REALLY doing?) and lately I have not wanted to post when I've had a chance. We can all blame me and say I am evil, and selfish, and you could even call me a socialist if you'd like, I can take it, so bring it!!!

Exhausted

2009-01-03T07:50:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning exhausted and with a very sore back. It's stiff and will probably take a few hours to loosen up, so it's not big deal. But even though I slept for over eight hours, I feel like I could sleep another four or five. For some reason on Thursday night, I was unable to sleep at all, despite taking something to help, so at about 4am I gave up and decided to call it a day.

We've got family coming over for a final holiday get together today. It's my brother Louie and his wife, granddaughter (yeah, the young kid is already an old fart!) and his mom, my step mother. Potentially my other brother Brian will be coming too, but he is a little sore and may not make it.

Yesterday his wife took him out and told him he was going to the park, but when they passed the park he realized things were wrong and she instead took him to the doctor and got him fixed. The poor guy has a weekend ahead of him that includes cuddling with a bag of frozen veggies! But, since he had the same procedure and doctor I had for my vasectomy, he very well may be up to coming over. I was fine for mine and regretted taking the weekend of of work at the time as I felt fine for light, normal activity. So, we'll see what happens.

Many people know I keep another blog, semi-private, that I use to deal with my depression and stresses from the more volatile relationships in my life. As I've gotten older I've learned more about myself and I know that depression is unfortunately something, probably chemical, that is a part of me and I will have to always fight it (until I am really old and then it's the nurses problem! Hahahahaha nurses, you're in for trouble).

I think I have mentioned it here before, but I decided to stop treating it with medication and have instead chosen to focus on fighting on my own. For those who don't know, or don't understand this type of behavior and choice, what it means is that I've decided to just be strong willed and vigilant about my behaviors, and when I notice that I am starting to slip into depression-type behavior, or even thinking, I follow a mental checklist of exercises that are both mental and physical, to combat this.

The reason I bring this up here is that one, I think I have been VERY successful with this decision, although I have been far from perfect during this learning stage. Despite the deaths of my step father and mother, I think I have pulled through very well. But, as I am moving through this last round of fighting off the depression, something has sparked my interest and I fully intend to investigate it and probably embrace it. I hope that it doesn't change me too much, but I know that change will happen and others may notice it in me and begin to wonder, so I am taking the time now to explain it.

I have decided to heed to call of Jehovah and become one of his Witnesses so that I can spread the word of his teachings and importance in all our lives.

Ok, I'm kidding! That will NEVER happen. I hate knocking on strangers doors and I am not passing out that stupid pamphlet of theirs called "Watchtower."

What I am talking about is Zen philosophy. I think that it may help me to keep a handle on my emotions and keep myself at peace. I don't think I am going to be wearing monk's robes (although they do look comfortable and are like sexy pajamas for big guys) or anything, but I want to treat this seriously and that will mean changing much of how I look at life. That is bound to change me, but I'm more interested in integrating it into my life of triplets, sports, and comic books and not the other way around. So, we'll see how this goes.

Anyways, that's a heads up for you all. Enjoy the first weekend of the year and get some sleep.

Out with a whimper

2008-12-31T19:48:00.000-08:00

Tonight I'm marking the end of 2008, which by most people's measures would be a rather shitty one due to losing my Step-Dad and then later my Mother. Although they didn't surprise anyone, knowing they will be dying soon and then living with that baited anticipation isn't much comfort and doesn't make things much easier.

Yet with their respective passings and the sorrow that comes with the realization that, no matter what your relationship was with them, you won't get to see them, hear them, or hug them again; what I find is that my mind seeks out the fondest memories and events that I shared with each of them. Sure there were rough times, but they are what make celebrating their lives and achievements special and motivating if you take the time to make it a part of yourself.

In a nutshell (can two paragraphs really be succinct enough to fit in a nutshell??? That's one big ass nut if it does!!) that really sums up what 2008 was for me. I got past challenges and watched my life blossom from the bad moments into the good ones. My son Perrin, who will always be my hero because of everything he overcomes each day, is walking better and has a chance (with hard work) to walk just like any other kid. He's tough as nails and I wish I could have half the zeal he does for life, but I suppose we could all say that about every two year old.

The funny thing about tonight and about this post is that I could care less about New Years Eve. It's an arbitrary marking on a political calendar that has no other significance than being the last in line. I kid that I have already become a crotchety old man, and maybe there is some truth to that, but the older I get the more I realize that marking the passing of one year and embracing a new one isn't as important as being aware of present and how precious our moments are.

To that end, I sent my wife off to celebrate our friends at a party so that she could unwind with out having to worry about the kids being there and just be an adult, a woman, and a friend. I put the kids to bed as I normally would and I now have the house to myself, which is itself a treat. I intend to spend my rare evening alone writing and maybe just relaxing and watching a movie. Just having the chance to work on some projects I have been neglecting is so exciting that at times today I had to distract myself to avoid being overly anxious.

So, if you're one of the handful of people who pop in here and read my rantings, I want to wish you a happy evening and the presence to enjoy the moments as they come. While it's impossible to move forward without knowing our past, its also too easy to get lost in either or both. Seize the moment and smell the roses......or whatever the hell that smell is that comes from the back of the refrigerator!

Come and Gone (or going)

2008-12-30T22:03:00.000-08:00

Thankfully we are coming to the end of this year and I couldn't be happier to see 2008 in my rear-view mirror. I don't want to turn this into a pity post, but losing my step-father just days before my birthday and then losing my mother the day before Thanksgiving. It absolutely sucked, but I honestly mean this when I say that I am fortunate those are my biggest lamentations because I know there are people out there who suffered more and endured more than I could possibly even remember. So, while death is a natural part of all our lives and transitioning yourself from life with and then without your parental figures is hard, I am thankful that I wasn't hit with more adversity.

Christmas was very nice. Everyone spoiled my kids and I think we brought more toys back with us from Ohio than what we had at home. I am fortunate that they are loved by so many. Meva and I had a good time, and I think she enjoyed the gifts I gave her. I wish I could have got her more, but she got a lot of what she asked for, and all things considered, you can't ask for much more than that. Meva gave me some great books on Zen philosophy and a book by Les Stroud of Survivorman. That was really great and I am looking forward to devouring each one of them.

Our trip back and forth to my in-laws was much easier on the kids as it was the first time we used the new DVD player and it was a fantastic success. The overall crankiness was down, and even Ryan had a hard time finding something to cry about! It was totally worth everything we paid for it and luckily we got it on sale for a ridiculous price.

On a really annoying note, new comic books won't be out until Friday this week. I don't know what it says about me that I am pretty pissed about, but I am and I'm not going to be ashamed of that (OK, maybe just a bit ashamed). It's only three more days, so I think I can make it.

First Snow & Hanging Up The Lights

2008-12-02T13:15:00.001-08:00

The first snows came, and by last years standards it wasn't too much. I think we got about 4 inches of it, not even enough for me to even bother shoveling the driveway. I can't wait until the thick heavy stuff comes so I can get out there at like midnight and shovel the snow and be in the element. Yeah, I'm crazy!

Thankfully I was just able to get the outdoor Christmas lights up. I had planned on doing this on Saturday, but Meva wasn't feeling good and the day just got away. Usually I don't have any problems hanging up the lights or at least nothing that gets to me (And I fell off my roof last year and landed right on my head trying to put up lights with a broken hand, two pins sticking out of it, and a cast). This year though I was ready to go nuclear!

All I wanted to do was set up four strands of net lights on my evergreen bushes. I had brand new lights that I hand purchased last year after the season, but they all tested well when I checked them inside. Somehow from the trip in the house to the bushes out front, two of the strands stopped working' one completely and the other just in the middle. I brought them back in and checked all the bulbs and the wires. One strand had a defective wire, so there was nothing I could do there, and the other one was beyond me. So I headed to the hardware store and bought a different (read cheaper) set. I even bought extra boxes just in case.

I got them home and on Sunday, when the snow started coming down fast and heavy, I went back out to finish. Each one of those cheap ass strands of lights either wouldn't light, or literally fell apart as I tried to gently lay them over the bushes.

Even Meva knew I was fuming. Money is tight, but with everything happening with my mother dying, my kids just now old enough to enjoy the pretty lights, and this being the first Christmas since my step-dad Lou passed away, I was going to have lights on those bushes if I had to set them on fire! Meva could sense of close I was to losing it and didn't say a word when I told her I didn't know where I was going, but somewhere I would find working lights and I didn't care where I had to go. I don't know what she was thinking, but she knew how important it was to me and just let me go. I guess we could call that reason number 37653876087502 why she is such a fantastic wife and that I love her so much.

Anyways, I got lights that work and finished the bushes. The snow was coming down at it's heaviest and I still had to put the lights on the roof. We have a low roof, so it wasn't a problem, other than the cold, and those lights went off without a hitch. The only thing I didn't get out this year were my plastic candy canes to go along the walk, but that's my fault for not getting them prepped and with working bulbs, so I wisely skipped them. I don't have as many lights as I'd like, but it's enough for this year. Next year I will build on this.

The other interesting thing to note is that the lights I have for the roof and my other bushes are new LED lights and they didn't give me any problems. The net lights for the evergreens are regular lights, so if we can swing the cost I may have to go LED there as well. The energy savings alone should offset that cost. Anyways, I'll try and get a picture here of the house soon if the snow will hold (or more will come).

With the economy the way it is and money tight for all, I'm going to be giving out cookies this year to all my friends. I love to bake Christmas cookies, so it will give me something to keep me focused on good thoughts and it will also help me stay in the holiday spirit. Hopefully I can narrow down the kinds I want to make and get started on them so I can begin getting them out to everyone.

That's it for now. I have a house to clean and possibly a small nap to take because I did not sleep soundly last night.

This Week Can Only Be Better Than Last

2008-12-01T22:56:00.000-08:00

Last week I wrote about what was a very miserable Monday I was having, culminating with putting my foot through the season. I should have relished those moments because as it turns out it was about the best day of the week for me. The lady to the left is my mother. It's the only recent picture I have of her, and it is over a year old. She was suffering from COPD and Congestive Heart Failure. Her health was slipping slowly, and she was in and out of the hospital and ICU several times over the past year, often it included being put on life-support to get her through the event. Well, the very next morning she passed away at about 6:35am. I try to keep things topical here, so I'll continue that. I had stopped speaking to her over a year ago about some things I felt very strongly and I had made the decision that it was best for me and my wife and kids. It wasn't an easy decision to come to, but it was the right choice to make and I stand by that decision. I can't think of anyone in my family that supported me; I'm not even sure anyone respected my right to make that decision.

So as she passed, things have gotten very dramatic. It's been tense with my family and emotions are very raw. For me, even though this was something that we all saw coming, it's been more difficult that I would have imagined. I'm running all the normal gambits of losing a parent, even if we ended on the outs, and although I expected that, the intensity has caught me off guard. The other thing that has gotten me are the memories.

Whether I'm awake or sleeping, they come flooding to me out of nowhere. Bad ones, good ones, things that make little sense, things I hadn't thought of in years, and things long forgotten. It's exhausting and turns my mood and thinking into places without my control. And when you mix all of that with the issues with my family, it's been an incredibly tough week. If you want to know more, you can read my more personal blog.

I guess I'm putting this up so people have a bit of an understanding or a deeper understanding as to where I am at right now and what I'm going through. So if I appear flaky or you aren't hearing from me as usual, you know why. I'm blessed to have such a fantastic wife and three of the most exceptional children to help me forget things for awhile and remember to smile and feel good about myself,

From Bad to Worse

2008-11-24T14:00:00.000-08:00

So, I already wasn't feeling good today and I originally thought I would do the minimum and take it easy. Some people say that even if you aren't feeling too horrible, it's a good idea not to do to much because you can often make mistakes. That's definitely true today.

I changed my mind and decided I would finish my insulation project in the attic while the kids were sleeping. The project has two specific goals, one is to put back the insulation that numerous contractors have moved and failed to return to it's correct spot, and second was to place some boards over the studs so I could walk more freely and easily. Well, I get everything up into the attic by myself and I'm moving along and placing things where they need to go. I'm about half-way through and I lose my head and place my foot between two studs.

I instantly realize the trouble this could be, so as I attempt to slowly take my foot away and place it on a solid spot, the drywall gives way and my foot goes through the ceiling into my hallway below.

Well, that put a stop to the insulation project, which will have to wait until I can find someone much leaner than myself to go back up there and finish things.

So, instead of taking an hour to do a project and then begin on the Christmas decorations, I now have 45 minutes of wasted time toward a project I won't complete for fear of doing more damage, and I now have my hallway covered in drywall, blown insulation, and fiberglass insulation just a few feet from where my children are sleeping.

So, I clean up the biggest pieces of the mess and begin cutting the whole in my ceiling so that I can repair it with some new drywall. After measuring and edging out past the area my foot came through, I line off where I' am going to cut the drywall and get to work.

Of course, more calamity ensues when, as I am cutting the ceiling with a utility knife, the blade gets stuck. Standing on my step ladder I grab the knife with both hands and begin to pry it out. But the knife must have been playing with me because as I began my pull, the knife loosens, and I of course fall backwards into the hallway wall, smacking my head.

You'd think that would be bad enough, but as it turns out my head is able to land perfectly onto a framed picture of my family tree that my wife made by hand, cracking and shattering the glass that it was behind. I haven't even told my wife about this yet (sorry Meva).

All I really wanted to do was begin hanging my Christmas decorations and have an easy day with my kids. The funniest thing about this whole thing is that it happens literally right outside my kid's bedroom and through the sounds of me crashing first through the ceiling and then into the wall, running a drill to hang the new drywall, and then using the vacuum cleaner to clean up the debris I couldn't get with my hands, the kids never stirred! Not one sound or whimper or laugh.

Of course that means that the phone will ring, which it does, and instantly begins waking them from their nap.

Outside of cleaning my kitchen and making dinner, I don't expect I am going to do anything else today. If I could I would just lay in bed so I don't break anything else.

Exhausted

2008-11-24T11:20:00.000-08:00

I think I might be getting sick or something. My energy level has fallen dramatically and I've got this tickle in my throat along with a cough, which probably explains why I don't feel like doing anything today.

I've got to finish playing around in the attic with the insulation and then it's straight to decorating the outside of the house for Christmas. If I have time, I have a load of things I need to put up on eBay for the holidays. It's supposed to be pretty easy to put things up, but for some reason doing that seems to take me forever. Either way, I need to do that and capitalize on the holiday spending as I figure many people will be looking to save money by shopping on eBay.

Meva and I watched Hellboy II last night. You could definitely feel and see the influence of Guillermo del Torro in this, especially compared to the first movie. Meva said she liked it better than the first one and I thought it was about the same, which means it's not a waste of money, but it didn't do anything special to stand out of the crowd. I did appreciate the background story of the villains, but that's a theme that seems to be popular in Hollywood these days, sort of like the new Lovecraft. I don't want to spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen it yet, but it seems like it's everywhere.

The kids are doing great, talking more and more everyday. We're trying to get them to understand some aspects of Christmas, but it's going slow. Maybe once we start decorating the house they will be more into it. Today they are very cranky and fighting with each other and for some reason they knocked over the garbage can and then started yelling at each other! Tell me that's not going to be a common scene for me over the next 11 years!

Ignorance

2008-11-17T15:42:00.000-08:00

So yesterday was an absolutely horrible day in Chicago if you are a Bears fan. They got slapped around and manhandled in the most embarrassing game I've seen since getting their asses handed to them on a Halloween Monday night loss. Both loses came at the hands of the Packers, which sure doesn't help. About the only thing I can find of comfort is that I think the Bears played as hard as they could and I don't think they quit. Unfortunately that means they are bad, poorly coached, and lacking talent.

Of course, I think I would feel even worse if I was a Philadelphia Eagles fan. They played to a tie with a very messed up and pathetic Bengals team. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen. The only problem is that many of the Eagles players didn't know it. Even 10 year veteran and face of the franchise Donovan McNabb, who was playing in 2002 when the last tie happened, was ignorant.

"I've never been a part of a tie. I never even knew that was in the rule book," McNabb said after the game. "It's part of the rules, and we have to go with it. I was looking forward to getting the opportunity to get out there and try to drive to win the game. But unfortunately, with the rules, we settled with a tie."

I found that quote on ESPN. You don't get to be an NFL player if you don't at least grow up watching the game as a kid, following your favorite players, learning some of the games' history, and the basic rules. Heck, checking the standings from time to time you'll see a column for ties. Yet he missed it. Just dumb.

And it gets better. Instead of just explaining his ignorance, he bitches and moans about it as though this is some ill-conceived part of the NFL that is poorly thought out and the owners and rule-makers are as guilty as he is.

"I guess we're aware of it now," McNabb said. "...... I never knew in the professional ranks it would end that way. I hate to see what would happen in the Super Bowl and in the playoffs."

He's played in an overtime game in the playoffs, yet he doesn't realize that a playoff game, or Superbowl, can't end in a tie?? After 10 years you'd think he might try to learn a little something about the industry he works in. It just makes me think that many of today's athletes really are nothing more than whiny, spoiled, paycheck players that don't understand what they're doing and probably don't realize how fortunate they are to play in the NFL.

Not only didn't he win on the field yesterday, but it looks like he had a few losses elsewhere as well! Idiot.

It's Beginning To Feel A Lot Like.........

2008-11-16T07:33:00.000-08:00

Christmas!! Well it's not exactly looking like Christmas yet around here, but I'm starting to get the bug for it. Christmas has always been my favorite holiday despite the ridiculous commercialization that takes place, sometimes even before Halloween. To me it's always been about family getting together and having a good time together. That and it's a little known secret of mine that I just love giving presents to my friends and loved ones. Anyways, I will save my sappy Christmas rants for when we get a little closer.

It seems most people get really upset around this time of the year with all the stresses of Christmas, the snow, and the cold, but I truly enjoy all of that. Just getting ready for the winter is usually enough to get me a bit cheerful as I think of the snow and bitter cold that challenges us and makes us really appreciate the basics like, heat, food, and family.

This requires quite a bit of preparation and I've got a long list of prep work I have to get done. I need to get into the attic and repair any drafts and leaks in the insulation (which I know are there), put away garden hoses, repack the garage so I can get at least one car in there for the winter, put away all the summer yard furniture and kids toys, and then there is getting the Christmas decorations ready. I've got many new decorations to put out this year that I need to check and make sure they are working and I am excited about my new Christmas lights. Last year I went to the After Christmas sales and bought a completely new set of lights for the house that are all LED. Saving energy and having brighter lights is something I'm looking forward to.

And for all my Scrooge friends out there I'll make sure I include some pictures for you.

And speaking of pictures, here's my all-time favorite Christmas video. I watched it as a kid and the jingle has never truly left me. It's old and in black and white, but I guess I am too! (Especially if you look at my hair these days.) Anyways, here is Hardrock, Cocoa, and Joe.

Something to Believe In

2008-11-03T21:51:00.000-08:00

After putting up with the campaigning BS in all of its forms this weekend, I've decided to embrace my inner John McCain and go "Double Maverick" for the next few days. I'm also warning everyone that I also will not hesitate to go farther the the Senator and bring things to "Triple Maverick." You should all now consider yourself warned. The following video should further explain my position.

Out of the ashes of this political election I have seized my first issue that I am going to embrace and fight against. Once everything settles after Tuesday I will begin learning what I need to do in Illinois to stop a tactic that I find annoying and harassing. I'm talking about recorded political messages and campaign ads being delivered to my phone!

I'm lucky in the fact that my state is not a battleground state for the national race, so we've been left alone for the most part. I can only imagine how bad things are for my in-laws that live in Ohio. They are just as annoying as any telemarketing call I ever received. I received 6 calls total tonight, at least two were from someone I specifically asked to stop. It's enough. They're an intrusion on my evening and the interrupt my peace and quite or quality time with my friends
and/or family. So the time has come for me to begin organizing a collective voice and begin speaking our concerns. I'm looking forward to this challenge! If anyone is with me, please feel free to join me!

Feeling Like Poo

2008-11-01T21:31:00.000-07:00

I think my kids are out to get me. Somehow, like we all did as kids, they brought a cold virus into the house and I of course was the last one to catch it. As a result, it seems to have hit me the hardest. I've been fighting all the fun congestion, sinus, and coughing I can handle and it's leaving me unable to sleep at night and completely exhausted during the day. I'm hoping that getting an extra hour of sleep, along with the vodka, will help me get some deep serious sleep tonight.

We had a blast on Halloween trick-or-treating with the kids. Biased as I am, I thought they looked absolutely adorable and I was pleased at how well they behaved. We didn't have any problems, although they were really confused with the entire aspect of it. I'm most impressed with how often they said "Thank You" and "Please" when dealing with strangers. Meva and I work hard on making sure they understand how to be polite in the hopes that some of it will stick when they are teens. We can only hope.

Three more days until the political gesturing, lies, and mud-slinging can stop. Of course we'll then be subjected to ridiculous claims that the victors will never fully keep and wild excuses and accusations as to why the losers didn't win. Hopefully it will be palatable by Christmas, if not just about manageable.

We've got great weather this weekend and I'm hoping to take advantage of it and get things done around the house before the real lousy weather sets in. Being sick doesn't help, but I'm at least making some progress. I know I won't get everything I want done, but I'll try.

I'm on my second vodka drink now and since I'm not much of a drinker anymore, I'm feeling it, so I think I'll sign off before I make an ass of myself and start talking about the things I dream about, which after tonight should really be something.

Stuck in the Mud

2008-10-28T21:22:00.000-07:00

It's funny how the older you get all the predictions of your parents and teachers happen again and again. Friday nights are really "swinging" if you're up past midnight, let alone even out of the house, the thought of having McDonald's for dinner if a real let down, and how eventually you'll become concerned about voting in ALL the issues if you have any concern for your community.

Has any of this happened to me yet? Well, other than an occasional McRib (I don't know why, I just can't resist it once a year) I have no desire to eat anything from the golden arches, I don't care to stay out late on ANY night, and as for politics on a local level, I present exhibit "A" for your viewing.

Yep, that bad boy is sitting right in my front lawn, standing almost 5 feet tall and 4 feet wide. It is in support for my incumbent state representative. He's been in office for about 15 years now and I really think he's done a good job representing my district and best of all, he's not a part of the ridiculously incompetent majority party that has seriously screwed up Illinois. His challenger has been literally flooding our district with a misleading campaign of mailings, door-to-door visits, and prime time TV ads.

God, I hate this time of year. There is so much mud flying around, it's hard to make any head way into the true issues even when you actively pay attention to your community and the issues you find important. But what makes me the most stressed and frustrated is how effective this type of political campaign is against the ignorant and uncaring. Anyways, today marked one more week left until this election season is over and I can't wait.

Issues

2008-10-28T00:20:00.001-07:00

I've been toying with the idea of deleting most of my old blogs and amalgamating them into one new blog, but I have since decided against that. My previous post looked a bit sad and desperate, but it was just a poorly executed attempt to end this blog and quickly put up the new one. Unfortunately my haste caused some concern over my well-being. As moved as I am over the concern of those involved, I'm sorry for the false alarms. Trust me on two counts here; The first is that I am definitely fine and the second is that I truly believe that should I ever have any crazy mental breakdown it will most likely involve a bombastic display of pop culture overload and strange references to ducks, bacon, and large construction equipment.

The biggest reason I'm keeping things the same is that I really like the panorama pics I have at the top of the blog. As I tried to make a new design for the new blog, I kept lamenting the loss of that header and in the end since I decided to keep it, I also decide to keep the entire blog. I'm sentimental and getting older, so get over it.

Currently I'm feeling just a bit overwhelmed with housekeeping chores taking away my free time to write or even think constructively. Winter is coming and I just see a mound of tasks that I want and need to take control of and get finished before they take control of me. Once Halloween is over it's all down hill as the Holidays start coming and everything moves at breakneck speed. I thought I was just imagining it until it snowed for almost a half hour today and accumulated for a bit. Nothing like having mother nature bust your chops to get things done.

Everyone here at the house is fighting off a cold bug. The kids have definitely got the worst of it with runny noses, coughs, and crankiness, but Meva and I are under the weather as well. Mostly sore throats, sinus issues, and fatigue. It will pass, but it sure isn't fun.

That's about it for now. I just wanted to give everyone a heads up on things and let you all know that Desultory Views isn't going anywhere. Hopefully I'll get back to posting a bit more frequently now that I have that all ironed out.

Goodbye

2008-10-12T22:17:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to be here anymore.

It's October!!

2008-10-02T11:34:00.000-07:00

I love the smell of desperation, ignorance, and deception in the air, which means we must be getting closer to a presidential election. One of the issues for me during these times are the increased political activity of people who are all of a sudden concerned about the welfare of their lives and begin to spout off about how they have to vote for Candidate X to turn things around in the White House yet they have no idea who their State, or Federal Senators or Representatives are. What's even worse than this ignorance and inactivity is the blind acceptance of political ads and distorted claims without giving a thought to history, information, or even common sense. If I am to be honest, I find myself more saddened and disappointed in my fellow countrymen than I am energized about our wonderful liberties in voting.

In the district I live we've had the same person as our representative for the last 15 years. This guy is a Republican, but I feel he has represented my district well over the course of his tenure. During the time he has served in this capacity he has promoted the economic growth of the district, sponsored and advocated for; tougher laws on sex crimes, fighting for enhanced rights and help for the disabled, built parks, roads, and bridges, and even sponsored stem-cell research. So basically I have no problem continuing to support him.

His opponent has canvassed our little subdivision and had workers out in force campaigning for her and placing signs in numerous yards. This is the 4th time he has come up for election since I've lived here and I have never seen so many people involved in local politics as I am now. I find it alarmingly funny that so many people are supporting the opponent despite the incumbent's work on their behalf to help us with taxes, infrastructure and reform. In response to this blind zealotry, I am now sporting a five foot tall sign in my front yard!! I wonder what my neighbors will think of me now?

On a more personal level, I've been slowly cleaning out boxes of my things that I had stored in the garage by selling them on eBay. The money I make from these sales are to go towards buying a laptop so I can go in another room and write during the night without being disturbed, or to keep them to a minimum. I think it took me a little over a month and I had enough to get a refurbished Dell that is more powerful than I would have imagined I could afford. I'm very happy and I've been clicking away at the keyboard once again.

This weekend Meva and I are going to Ohio. She and the kids are going to spend time with her parents while I go to Columbus to attend a Comic Book Convention. I'm looking forward to meeting new people and seeing some older friends once again. It should be a blast and I hope to have some great pictures when I return.

Catching Up Part 2

2008-08-22T00:26:00.001-07:00

I wish I could find more time to update here and to write in general, but I just haven't made the time I should. It's not all bad though because one of the "Distractions" that keeps me away from writing is the fact that the kids are growing up so fast and are demanding more of my time and attention. I spend much of my time as an incredible multi-faceted entertainment tool of fatherhood, serving as (and in no particular order) chef, climbing mountain, movie operator, letter and number instructor, finder of lost shoes, food dispenser, hairdresser, scape goat, toy repair mechanic, identifier of the obvious (yes, that's black or yes, that's a "Q"), tent master, toddler tosser (babies getting thrown into the sofa), and lastly my favorite; Urinary Instruction Demonstrator!!! You'd think that since they're triplets they would be able to entertain themselves, but apparently they need to bring me in. I don't know if that means that they love me THAT much or if they think I'm just like one of them with better posture and a mutant pituitary gland? But I digress.

Meva and I talked quite a bit this week and we decided that I will be able to attend the Mid-Ohio Comic Convention in October! I've never been to this one, but everyone tells me it is a great little event that's a lot of fun and much more focused on comic books; as opposed to the other cons I've been to which are really just comic book saturated pop culture merchandise marts. I'll get to hook up with my friends Brant and Scott, who are both guests and have their own booth, so that's going to be a good time for sure.

We also talked about camping. Sometime in September we will be taking the triplets out for their first camping experience. None of this crappy easy overnight stuff in a lodge either. We're going to get the tent out and the sleeping bags, roast some marshmallows, build a fire, and get a bunch of mosquito bites!! Yes sir, it should definitely be a blast and I'm hoping to get a bunch of great pictures out of this.

In addition to the family outing, I will also be taking some time alone to go camping by myself. I won't be going all Survivorman or anything because, well quite frankly I would probably die, but I won't be leaving the state, so there won't be any inherent danger for me to "overcome." That being said I have a few ideas for where I'd like to go for some hiking and time alone with the new laptop (which I will get by then) and get some writing done. I don't think I'll touch on Thoreau, but it will be close enough. I'm looking more forward to this than I am the comic convention the week before.

Thanks to the uninspiring spectacle that is the Olympics, Meva and I haven't been able to watch Conan O'Brien. All is not bad though because it's given us a chance to check out Craig Ferguson over on CBS. Honestly, if you haven't had the chance to watch him, take the time and tune into him. He is damn funny!! All I've seen so far are mostly reruns due to it being summer, but it hasn't mattered one bit. It's some good stuff.

Speaking of good stuff, I said I mentioned two separate things last time that caught my attention. The first one was an interview on the lovely conservative mouthpiece for retarded fundamentalist thinking, otherwise known as Fox News (specifically Fox and Friends) with the "Still Not Dead" Ernest Borgnine who, unaware that his microphone was still one, told the American public that the secret to looking as young as he does at the age of 91 is that he "masturbates a lot!!" I can't wait until I get to be the age where I can say any damn thing without repercussion or offense because I'll be a crazy old guy!!

And a couple of idiots from Georgia got national news coverage for taking pictures of a gorilla suit with pig intestines on it, throwing it in an old refrigerator, and then saying that they have the body of a Bigfoot. Never mind the fact that their story changed three different times, or that they refuse to actually show anyone the body, or that they have a deal with a guy who runs a Bigfoot site and sells ad space and merchandise to promote this farce. Pay no attention to that or their lack of any credibility, just realize three things:

It must have been a slow news day
They were from the South
NASCAR wasn't in Georgia that weekend!

Really, what more do you need to know than that??? Hunters stumbling across a Bigfoot corpse my ass!

That's all for now. We're heading out to Indianapolis for the weekend to attend a wedding renewal ceremony and a mini-vacation with for the kids to see their grandparents.

Catching Up Part 1

2008-08-15T00:50:00.000-07:00

It must be something in the air or the summer or maybe even the upcoming Presidential Election, but I've noticed that myself and many of my fellow bloggers have begun to slack with their updates. I can't say for sure why, but I know I am not the only one so in this I can find some solace.

So, what made me finally decide get back here where I really do belong? Well I was sitting up later than I really should be, unable to sleep and looking for something to help me wind down when something came to me. I had actually considered watching the Olympics tonight!! Yeah I know, I'm not that much farther from thoughts of suicide or of taking out a school bus full of whatever adorable thing you can think of, by running it over a cliff. However you want to put it, it was a definite sign to get writing. So now you know and I finally have a positive experience from the Olympic games.

Anyways, first and foremost my son Perrin had successful spinal surgery. The hospital stay was rough at times due to nature of having a 2 year old cooped up for 5 days and nights, but I'm grateful that he came home and has healed quite well with only one minor setback being a small infection on his wound that we quickly got under control and have almost completely eliminated it. He's been home three weeks now and he will be resuming his physical therapy next week. So, a big cheer goes out to Fudd as he is the toughest little guy I've ever met.

If you haven't seen my pictures on Facebook or MySpace lately, I've shaved my head. My plan was to go as my son Ryan to a costume party, so I needed to dye my hair brown. Long story short; I went as Ryan but the dye came out brassy and I shaved my head bald because since I was going to look ridiculous anyways, I had the power to choose how it was going to happen, so I chose bald look. 10 years ago it was a great look for me--- now, not so much!!

The fallout with my real family continues with very welcomed walls of silence. It's been helpful to me and I enjoy the lack of drama that I get exposed to and that's been wonderful for my stress levels and for the rest of my family. The last time I spoke with my sister's I was told that my mother was hospitalized again due to breathing problems and a stroke. They also told me that she has around 6 months left to live.

Despite the above, or maybe as a result, I've chose to stick to the boundaries I set for myself through counseling. It's a way for me to protect myself from the drama, stress, and spiteful comments that are often bedfellows to interaction. Hence I've not called and no one has call me. I explain myself better on this blog, which you are welcome to read anytime.

We've also been having problems with the minivan due to the heat & AC completely dying on us, which isn't acceptable when you have 2 yr old triplets and summer drives of 7 hours. The price was a whopping $1200 to repair everything, mostly due to the labor costs of having to take out the dashboard to get to the bad parts.

That means this old Bear needs to find a new job for some extra cash! To that end I'll probably be going back to the Comic Book store for a few hours here and there to contribute what I can.

I also finally got the ball rolling on my laptop fund. Meva and I already decided we couldn't afford a laptop with our current situation so if I want one, I need to start selling some of my excess crap and comic books (this last one will also help with the crowding we are getting into). I've only sold a handful of junk and I've already raise about $150. I really only want this for writing, so it doesn't have to be very powerful. But at the same token I'd like it to have enough under it's hood to allow for using/viewing Photo Shop effectively. We'll see how this goes here in the next few weeks.

It's late, but next time I'm going to talk a little bit about Bigfoot and Earnest Borgnine. And no, they aren't the same person!!

Pitter Patter On The Roof

2008-07-11T23:27:00.000-07:00

Normally when it rains I'm able to fall right to sleep and rest peacefully. For some reason that's not working today. Hopefully my meds will kick in and I can get some sleep here soon.

It's going to be pretty busy for the next 10 days starting with tomorrow. I have an appointment to have my gums scraped at 7:00am so I can get two teeth capped off with crowns. Lucky me huh? On top of that I need to prepare my house and get ready for my son Perrin's surgery this coming Thursday. He's going to be admitted Wednesday night, so I figure I'll be staying with him at the hospital for at least 2 or 3 straight nights while he recovers. I'm very lucky that my wife's parents will be coming to help out and watch the other two kids while my wife and I take turns at the hospital staying with Perrin. I don't mind admitting that it all scares the hell out of me and I am having trouble sleeping or staying focused on much of anything right now. I can't wait for this to be over and to have Perrin home with us back were he feels safe and happy.

I think the anticipation of this has caused me to have migraines for most of the week. They've been the normal batch of nastiness that I've become used to which caused me to cancel several things this week and mostly just hide out in the house like a injured bear. At least I have the oral surgery in the morning to look forward to!

I don't know if I mentioned it before, but the Triplets turned two recently. We had a great party with wonderful friends and family of all kinds dropping by and sharing that time with us. I plan to get some of the pictures of that day up on the Triplet Blog sometime this weekend. We also had one of our triplet friends take their pictures to mark their second year. The pictures were fantastic, which is unbelievable given that the kids were really pretty crabby for the most part. Our photographer Amanda even put two pictures off that session up on her blog to show off he work. The picture you see above is from her website of me kissing Perrin in black and white. You can visit her blog and see another nice one of all three of the kids together.

I've also started to go through my comics and get them ready to be sold on eBay. It's early yet and I've only touched a fraction of what I intend to put up, but I have to start somewhere. I'll let ya know as soon as that happen.

And before I go, I just want you all to make sure you don't let Jesse Jackson "cut your nuts off!!"

Shoes Dropping

2008-06-30T21:55:00.001-07:00

I'll tell you what folks, life can be a cruel companion as you get older. In less than a week I've been hit with tough breaks and what seems to be mountains of stress that don't seem fair. But of course crying about it won't help anything because life surely ain't listening to little O me.

My son Perrin is going to need another surgery. The poor little guy has already had his brain operated on and now he needs to have his spinal cord fixed and adjusted because there are some fibrous cords attached to it that shouldn't be there. To me, when I hear someone say they're operating on your spinal cord, that's not good or a slam dunk routine procedure by any means. That's one of the most sensitive and delicate areas of the body where even the slightest slip can cause an impairment for the rest of a patient's life. Yet all things considered, as far as spinal surgery goes, the one Perrin will have is one of the lowest risks. I don't really feel much like going into the specifics of the surgical procedure, but I sure as hell hope this is the last surgery he needs for many many years. I'm not as tough as he is and the stress of this weighs on me heavier and heavier each day.

In addition to my son's problems, my brother Louie is going through a rough patch. After almost 20 years of marriage, he's decided he wants to end his marriage and divorce his wife. I've watched him struggle over the years trying to keep a strong outward face to all of us, but I knew that inside he was suffering with a whole series of different stresses, pains, and emotions. He's finally decided that enough was enough and he told his wife. I don't think she saw this coming and as such she's having a hard time with his decision. Unfortunately it seems her way of dealing with the situation involves a large dose of irrational behavior and mind games that is making an already difficult decision for Louie that much harder to deal with. I don't know of another guy who is more caring and giving than he is and he deserves a chance to find happiness for himself in life. And as much as I want to jump in and protect him from everything, all I can do is stand at his side and watch his back. If I could insulate him from all the BS, I would do it in a heartbeat, but instead I have to settle myself with knowing that as I watch his back, he will get the best advice and insight I can give him from all my years of BS and Drama from having dealt with my real family. I can only hope that it's enough.

In the midst of this storm of "The Other Shoe Dropping" the yearly event that I look forward to the most came and went. I'm talking about the Chicago Comic Con, otherwise known as Wizard World Chicago. It was definitely already marred with the events of my own life distracting me from what I wanted to accomplish when the entire convention seemed to slow down and drag over the news of the passing of Michael Turner. He was only 37 and I think his best work was yet to come, but what you keep hearing over and over again is how wonderful a person he was. I only had a chance to meet him once for like 5 minutes, but he was incredibly nice to me and went out of his way to draw me a sketch when the line I was in was really only for signatures. He made me feel special and made me feel that I was doing him a favor by letting him do this for me. You definitely don't meet people like that every day.

On the other hand I did get to meet my friend Brant Fowler in person for the first time, and that was just too cool. We had a good time and it was fun to put a face to the signature at the bottom of all those emails. I also got a chance to meet Gail Simone and to talk to her a bit. I definitely gushed my fanboy colors while she signed some books for me, but it was enlightening and exciting to talk to her and I would rank those 5 or so short minutes as the highlight of my entire weekend. It would be fantastic to talk to her again one day specifically about writing without a line of people behind me.

For now that's all I really have to add. I think I'm going to lay my little horned head down for the night.

Just a Great Day!

2008-06-25T00:24:00.000-07:00

My wife, her mother, and I took the triplets to the Dupage Children's museum today and kept the kids there until they had a meltdown and were overdue for their nap. It was a great day, and Meva was a real trooper to go through with it while she's still recovering from surgery, but it was her idea and she doesn't regret it at all. The kids got to run around and play in water, through balls and blocks around, and beat on things with a stick to make music. It was a fun time for all.

Anticipating thunderstorms that we are predicted to get followed by temperatures in the high 80's and high humidity I decided I needed to go out and mow the lawn while it was still relatively cool and not unbearable. But with the daylight going away I finally finished raking the last pile of grass clippings and put everything away for the storm. My yard is now ready, so I hope it's a good soak!

Tomorrow will be one of the most bizarre and stressful anniversaries Meva and I have yet had. (It's been 8 years now, and we're still going strong). We have two doctor's appointments in the early morning for Perrin, one of which may end up leading to him needing spinal surgery, something that will totally not be something we're looking forward to. Afterwards we are all going swimming with the kids at an indoor waterpark within our fitness center. I can't wait to watch all three of the kids get excited and splash all over. I know it sounds corny, but that alone is such a great present for me to just be able to have a nice family activity. Once the kids are in bed though, Meva's mother is going to watch the kids so we can go out and see a movie. Not sure what one we'll see, but we will get out of the house alone.

Two more days until the Chicago Comic Con. I'm looking forward to a great time and I can hardly wait to get there and see some real cool people. There is the potential that my brother Louie will actually be able to make it for the Sunday session! I'm really stoked about that one as it would be a good time for the two of us to hangout together.

That's all she wrote for today folks. Stay dry.

Back Again

2008-06-22T00:00:00.000-07:00

I look at the date and it sure doesn't seem like it's been over a month since I last updated this thing- feels like I just looked away for a second and a whole moth has whizzed past me. I guess that's life with children for you!

Things have been going pretty good. My wife just came back from the hospital after having three elective surgeries. She initially went in to have gastric bypass surgery and since they were in there she had the doctors take out her gallbladder if it needed it (it did) and fix a small hernia she got during pregnancy if it needed it (and it did too). After two nights in the hospital she came home on Friday. Fortunately for her the surgeries were all laproscopic, so she will be able to bounce back quickly. The side effects of the surgeries aside, I think she'll have the hardest time not being able to pick up the kids for 6 weeks.

The kids are doing well over all. They're growing like weeds, talking and learning at such an incredible rate. They'll officially be 2 years old on June 29th! Each day seems to bring new words, behaviors, and understandings for each of them. I don't think there is a proper way to describe what a parent feels watching this happen in their own kids. Perrin is the only one we have any concerns about, but they aren't exactly new concerns, which is good. He may however be needing spinal surgery here soon. We won't know for sure until we talk to his neurosurgeon next week (on our anniversary of all days!) but I imagine they'll want to do it sooner than later if that's what needs to be done. As scary as it sounds, I don't think it's life threatening, and I'm quite certain that he will pull through it exceptionally. He's a tough little shit and unfortunately he's had worse thrown at him and survived. I'll keep everyone posted on this front.

As for me, I've pretty much been focused on the above and the day to day details to make our lives revolve around and through it. I feel I'm in need of some serious "me" time here soon, and as luck would have it next week is the Chicago Comic-Con! It will be a thrilling 3 days of standing in line for autographs and sketches, hunting bargains, and attending panels. I'll hopefully meet up with a few people and just have a fantastic time. One things for sure, I intend to get plenty of pictures of people in costumes.

In other news I've spent much of the little free time I get really into some of the wilderness survival reality shows on cable like Survivorman, Man vs Wild, and The Alaska Experiment. My brother Louie and I have reached a point that we've both signed up to go on the next season of The Alaska Experiment. We both see it as a once in a lifetime experience and it's something we've always talked about doing. I recommend checking the site out a little to find a bit more in-depth knowledge about it if you didn't watch it while it was on. Louie and I both believe that we would not only struggle initially, but we'd get our legs under us and be kicking ass at the end of the show! So, hopefully I'll be hearing back from the show soon!

In anticipation of this experience I have just started a new diet program, to be followed by a new workout program to make sure I am in the absolute best shape I can be in for the show as I know it will be extremely demanding. It's going to be fun having a concrete goal in my head as I go up the StairMaster and lift each weight!

That's it for tonight fans. Stay dry and cool!

The FIght

2008-05-21T23:24:00.000-07:00

It's been too long since I've had a chance to sit down and air out my thoughts and update what I've been up to, which is ironic because in many ways I feel like I haven't been doing anything, but that's really not the truth.

The most important thing for me, and something that has consumed a huge amount of my time and efforts over the last 3 weeks has been my ongoing battle with depression. It's not as bad, or if you'll pardon the pun, depressing. If you're interested, you can check it out here, otherwise just know that I've taken treatment away from the doctors and I think I'm doing better than ever.

More interesting of late, I went shooting for the very first time in my life. Although I would never want to own a hand gun in my home, I've always been a very big supporter of our right to own guns. I prefer we own them and use them responsibly, but I'll be more concerned when they try to take them away from us. Anyways, I went shooting with my brother Cecil and our friend Tom. They both have 12 gauge shotguns and we went to a nice and isolated public shooting range and took out many clay pigeons. Cecil and Tom said I did pretty good for my first time, and I was impressed with how well I did. I truly expected to do worse. The kick from the guns was exactly what I thought it would be like, and I still have the bruises on my shoulder and arm to prove it. Strictly as a sport, I had a good time and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Not too much is happening on the comics front of late. I've been focused on domestic duties and just enjoying my children. There are some projects I'd like to get finished around the house this month before I tackle more writing, but I have been keeping up with my reading and I have about a dozen new story ideas that I've been jotting down here and there. I may not be writing, but the stories still form and want out nonetheless.

We've got less than two months now before the start of the NFL training camps. My Bears were so horrible last year that I really wish they would have just overhauled the entire team, but of course they didn't. Say what you want to about the team as a whole, but that defense is still Super Bowl quality and it's hard to give up on those guys. They made some great moves in the draft on offense, but who knows how it will all pan out until those guys get on the field. I can't believe they'll be worse offensively than last year though.

My Cubbies have been playing great. Sure, it's not June, but if you know anything about baseball you know this is a talented team with World Series talent. But after 99 years, I'm not going to hold my breath waiting for it.

Both of my boys are teething pretty badly and have been up and in a bit of pain tonight, which explains why I'm still up at 3am. These should be the final teeth, big molars and their "I" teeth, and I feel so bad for the little guys. They're drooling like St. Bernards and chewing on everything. Perrin completely bit off one of his nipples from a bottle tonight. It's been a lot of holding and hugging tonight as I try and sooth them and sing to them and get them to sleep. Oh yeah, and plenty of infant Tylenol too!! Nights like this make for extremely long days afterward, that's for sure. Makes me smile and laugh when I hear about parent's with only one child try and tell me how difficult they have it!!

Now that it's quite, let's see if I can get some sleep.

And I've Been......

2008-04-30T20:23:00.000-07:00

I've been doing almost absolutely nothing of late. Sure, I watch 22 month old triplets, and for some people that is a task that they can't fathom, but I think I do a passable job. My kids are well behaved for their age, they're growing smarter every day, and they are all happy, loving children that I can see possess a spirit of love and compassion. In other words, they are pure innocence and I am lucky enough to see them and spend my days with them.

I've also unfortunately entered what may be the darkest stage of my life. Inside I feel absolutely black, defeated, and alone. I find myself day dreaming and unfocused, longing to get away and embrace nature and the outdoors, to challenge myself on levels I've never tried. I can't say this is the answer for me, but my instinct tells me this is something I have to do, and unfortunately I believe I need to accomplish this alone.

The past six months have been challenging and stressful for me. I've gone into counseling and while I've made some great stride and advances, I still feel lost. Maybe it's because my step father passed away last month, a man who meant so much to me and who helped shape my life and my outlook on life. Then there was the uncomfortable confrontation with my real father that was filled with gaps in his memory, distortions, and what I believe to be out and out lies for what ever reason. My mother has now twice been hospitalized and put on life support because of breathing problems. And lastly my youngest sister has begun to deal with being molested by her father when she was between the ages of 4 and 8 years old. At times, I'm barely able to keep it together, and I know I wouldn't if it weren't for the counseling.

So mostly I sit and try to enjoy my kids, but when my depression gets very bad, I escape into mindless computer activities. It makes me uncommunicative and I find myself finding ways to avoid contact with others if I can help it.

So if you haven't heard from me in awhile, please don't take it personal, I've just entered one of my blue zones and I hope to work my way out of it shortly. You'll know that's happened when I'm writing more and sharing my day to day activities.

Thanks for your patience.

I Hate My Dog

2008-04-22T22:25:00.001-07:00

Years ago my wife and I got a great dog from a family that could no longer keep her. She was a mutt named Freckles with a bit of chow, collie, shepherd, and border collie. At first she was a pain in the ass, nipping at my heels because she didn't trust men, but eventually she warmed up to me and she was a fantastic dog. My wife and I loved her deeply, but unfortunately she died rather unexpectedly.

So after mourning, my wife wanted to get another dog. We searched animal shelters and finally came up with our current dog Gus, who looks very similar to Freckles, He's a cinnamon brown chow, shepherd, collie mix and he was a rescue dog that was abused. He instantly warmed up to Meva, but after 4 years he still fears me and quivers when I'm around or talking for a length of time. At times I've tried to bond with him in various ways, but each time I end up getting bitten or snapped at eventually. He's even freaked out during a thunderstorm and attacked me, bitten my daughter in the face (3 stitches there), bitten my friend's baby, and bitten Meva's uncle the day before he was going to take him.

And did I mention he has seperation anxiety and gets into the garbage when we leave the house, even going so far ans to getting on the counters and eating food that might be left out there?

So, as I really don't care for him, but I don't want to send him to the pound.

Then there was this week.

He started by eating a loaf of Irish Soda Bread that my friend Colleen went out of her way to make for us. Then last night he ran into the screen door trying to come into the house and I think it's going to require a new screen. But the best news is how he destroyed our central air conditioner.

No, he didn't attack it or knock it over, he simply peed on it repeatedly, causing it to corrode and eventually led to the fan motor seizing up and the condenser motor burning out. It costs so much to fix that we're going to have to get a brand new one. Yeah, I wanted to pay for that.

Man, I hate that dog.

I haven't written in awhile for various reasons, most recent being that I'm sick and so are the triplets. Their moods and attitudes are up and down and very demanding, so it leaves me exhausted and with very little time for much else. Hopefully as things improve and get back to normal I'll be able to update much more frequently.

But on the plus side, despite the humidity and heat of today, thanks to Gus I was able to honor Earth Day and not run my AC!

Stupid Dog.

How I Shopped For Christmas Lights

2008-04-05T00:05:00.000-07:00

The last thing I want to do is talk about my continuing struggles with depression and all of the drama in my life because quite frankly, it just serves to feed the fire. To that end, I thought I would talk about something that is near and dear to my heart, something that anyone who knows me is familiar with on levels that are hilarious and repugnant, often at the same time.

I'm talking about flatulence. Farting. Dropping Stink Bombs. Now if you don't know this about me, I guess you'd have to call this a TMI situation, but I'm going to operate along the lines of sharing is caring, so stick around.

Through my wife, I've learned to love a bargain despite hating to shop. She'll be the first to tell you that I can often find some great deals. This past Christmas season was no exception, and when it came time to replace my entire holiday lighting for both the indoors and outdoors, I jumped at the chance; lured by the cruel mistress of "up to 70% off."

My object of affection this time were LED lights. They're brighter, prettier, and use up less energy, so how could I not like them? Now was my chance, and I headed over to American Sales to see just what they were offering. I have to admit, it was incredible. But saving money isn't always a sexy story, and neither is this one because it spotlights and comments on the nature of this thrifty, money-saving section of our society.

For the first time in my life I fell in the path of senior citizens, armed with their AARP discount cards and motorized scooters rushing for gaudy Holiday decorations like they were elixirs for eternal life. I tried as politely as I could to pick and choose the right mixture of colors and strands of LED lights in the ridiculously narrow aisles they provide. To make matters worse this sales discount had created a euphoria that totally destroyed any order to the stock on the shelves and the extra stock above the shelves. Everything was chaos, strands of lights by the caseload were laying open and scattered on the floor, trampled on and impeding any chance for an orderly flow through the aisle.

I took my time in trying to describe this environment because as I entered, it was already filled with silver hair and OPS looking for lights and trying to understand this new fangled technology (LED lights). I already knew the amount of lights I needed and the colors I wanted, so it was just a matter of trying to find them.

So what does this have to do with breaking wind? I'm getting there. First off let me extol a bit on my prowess in this department. I've never been sure if it's a gift or a curse, but I was born with a proficiency for quantity and potency. In high school my notoriety was so bad that my gastric emissions were assigned levels with names such as :

Class 3 Lingering Death Bomb--- These stayed so long they signed a lease.
Class 2 Silent Assassin--- These were the ones you never heard but always felt.
Class 1 Roaming Vapor--- You couldn't run fast enough or far enough to escape these.
Class 0 Internal Devourer--- Affected only me and damn near ate me away from the inside out.

Now a days we just say someone has IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) but as a youth I was good enough to not just go pro, I had serious hall of fame potential here. Whether you needed me to warp vinyl or clear a room, I was THE MAN.

And I've gotten older, so you know how things stand. My wife will attest to this (last night she slept on the couch just based on my recommendation).

So here I am, gingerly trying to maneuver around people who probably won't be alive next year to enjoy the shit they're buying, doing my best to be polite and wait for them and not push my way past them. But I kid you not these were some of the nastiest people I have seen in quite some time. They were seriously scolding me for taking a box of lights that they "had their eye on," telling me I was rude for even trying to take a box of lights 5 feet from where they were since they were still shopping.

But it got worse from there. They began to bully me and push me out of their way. I know, you're thinking I'm grossly abusing hyperbole, but let me assure that I am not. I would literally reach for a box of light bulbs and have a 60ish or 80ish old man or woman push my arm away, or actually use their entire body to knock me and block me out of the way of my selection and push me further down the aisle.

One thing I've learned is that I'll always lose an argument against the AARP crowd when it comes to retail situations, so I backed away and strolled the store until they were finished before trying again. But guess what? This didn't just happen to me once; of no! This happened again and again and again with different sets of people. I'm not making this up in any way. Part of the reason I don't think I acted sooner is that I was shocked and in awe of the belligerence I was experiencing. I am definitely not used to being a victim of physical abuse.

The long and short of this is I was mad, really mad. I wanted those lights. I love Christmas and I enjoy decorating the house in all the bright festive colors and getting into the mood of the season. It was still about a week before Christmas and these nasty old people were displaying some of the most selfish and ungiving spirits I have ever witnessed. But considering the age difference, the obvious diminished health, and their nasty demeanor, I was impotent to really confront them. But again, I hate shopping and I wanted those lights, I needed those lights. Next year would be the first year my kids would be excited about Christmas decorations, and I wanted some nice bright lights. So I used the only option available to me.

In the spirit of the Holidays, I decided to give and share with them the precious gift of my talents and abilities---- I LET IT RIP!!

Not just once or twice mind you, but over and over and over again. I wore it proud, but best of all, I wore it loud! At the time there were about 6 or 7 people in this aisle, some couples, some singles. I farted standing directly next to some crotchety battleaxe that han just ran into my ankle with her stupid scooter. She was maybe 6 inches from me and her face was closer to my ass than it should have been, but I gave her a vociferous mouthful!

It then went silent. I think even the snowglobes stopped working and the music died. Everyone in the aisle turned and looked at me, frowns and shocked looks floating around my head like swarms of gnats on a summer day. Two other people, as well as the old witch in the chariot were about to say something when I inhaled deeply, scrunched up my face, contracted my stomach muscles and pushed out another beauty that was longer and louder than the first one; this time catching the old crone with her mouth wide open.

It was simply marvelous, the perfect offense. What did I care what these nasty people thought of me? People who behave as they did aren't worthy of my attention or opinion of me, so they got what was coming.

So now I've ripped two loud, and I mean heard two or more aisles over loud, farts. The complaints and comments start flying at me fast and with a flurry of fury. Lucky for me I must have eaten something that provided me with substantial fuel, because I could feel more pressure building inside.

I told them all that I found their behaviors and attitudes to be more obnoxious and crass than the uncouth behavior I had just exhibited. I said I had been trying to be polite and courteous but I'd had enough of their entitlement behavior, rude comments, and physical abuse as they shoved me aside to save money. With each word I could feel the pressure increasing and increasing, and as the last word came out my previous vapors hit everyone's noses.

I loved seeing the looks of disgust and even some horror as I had unleashed both a class 1 and a class 3 fart. Hands began to wave in the air in front of their faces, noses were pinched, and a few coughs came out of barely working lungs that were constantly assaulted by the fumes of their BINGO ink stompers. This didn't deter me one bit though, and if you know me at all, you know what I did next.

I told them all I wasn't leaving. I was tired of being mistreated. And that this was going to continue for as long as I wanted it to. I then proceeded to open the flood gates in a stream of pestilence that damn near frightened even me. The final harmonic, rippling, and at times moist (I'm not ashamed to admit this either) achieved my goal and cleared out at least my aisle and possibly a few more. Finally I was able to shop unmolested and get the items I had wanted. Less than 5 minutes later I had over 2000 lights and I was finished.

The trip to the counter was filled with hatred and malice from the survivors as I passed them by and dragged along reminders for them to battle a second time. What's important here is that I won! I fought AARP and I won!!! Not many my age can say that.

Curse or gift? You decide. I only know that I can control it to an advantage at times, and in this instance I had made the world a better place.

Wham!!!! BoF!!!! Kerblaam!!!

2008-03-28T00:35:00.000-07:00

Lately I feel like a punching bag. It seems like I just keep taken shot after shot after shot; too stupid, or stubborn, to go down. The last six months have been rough and I feel at the end of my rope at times. The littlest causes of worry seem to be going straight to my heaping pile of stress.

Today for instance, Perrin has an appointment with an orthopedic specialist to look at his bone structure to determine what type of help he might need for his walking. I was expecting braces and the like and possibly surgery, but what I got was that and a series of tests to rule of cerebal palsy, spina bifida, and a malfunction of his shunt. All of this is something I've been aware of ever since he was diagnosed with hydrocephalus, but for some reason they hit me harder than they probably should have.

This next week I'm planning on trying to focusing my energies and stress into my teaching resume and some applications and finally getting my massive amount of eBay items listed so that Meva and I can free up some space and I can put some money towards my special projects. Who knows, eventually I may actually have enough of a break and enough tranquility to do some much needed real writing.

The one good thing is that Monday is the actual start of the baseball season, with the Cubs playing their first game at 12:30. I am so looking forward to this distraction. The fact that the Cubs have a strong team helps, and it sure would be nice to see them in the World Series.

That's all for now kids.

Just One of Those Weeks

2008-03-21T23:26:00.000-07:00

There were only two things good about this Friday was that I didn't get the 6-8 inches of snow that they predicted and that the week is finally over. It was just one of those weeks we all have that sucks.

I started the week really stressed out and having some insomnia and anxiety issues, which is always fun. It often leads to bouts of crankiness and exhaustion from lack of proper sleep. And did I mention it makes me a ball of joy to be around? I'll let my wife be the one who tells you about that bit of fun.

Both of the boys got sick early in the week, running fevers and cutting new teeth. So they don't sleep well, don't play well, and they want to be held all the time. Not a problem when you have one toddler, but when you have three. Lets just say that despite being a big guy, there is only so much room on my lap. I can hold two kids very easily, but when that happens the third child feels left out and wants in on the attention. I can do all three, but when this happens it doesn't take long for a fight to take place. Lots of fun there.

That was Tuesday, and by Thursday I had gotten the virus that the boys had. I really feel badly for them because this thing is weird and horrible. Its part flu like in that you're overwhelmed with exhaustion (which makes sense because I haven't done a damn thing since) and slightly achy. Then there is the swollen throat that unbelievably hurts and gives me a not even close to sexy hoarse voice, trouble swallowing, and pain at all times. Meva's not complaining though because it keeps me from talking that much, which she says is a rarity. The only thing that's really helping me is warm liquids, which seem to relax my throat and sooth things to a degree. I've mostly used coffee, since I like drinking it, but I think tomorrow I might switch to hot tea and see if that does even better.

Friday came around and it was the second straight night of having Ryan in bed with us because he wasn't feeling good and needed his dad to protect him. As much as I love him, I don't sleep well with him because he doesn't sleep well and I tend to him. So now it's been about 3 days of feeling horrible and I really started to look it and I was totally out of it. I hadn't showered or shaved, let alone combed my hair and as I was ready to put the kids down for their naps, Perrin's physical therapist arrived for his weekly session, which I forgot about and the house was completely nasty.

Poor Perrin has a hard time. Being sick he was in no mood for his workout and performed poorly. In the midst of things he fell down and smashed his face into the corner of the entertainment center and has a nasty red mark on his face. Then later in the day he fell off of our bed and landed right on his head. Normally he doesn't make a sound when he hurts himself, such as earlier when he bumped his head, but this time he screamed loudly and for a long time. With his hydrocephalus, it's always a scare and concern, so we're watching him closely and hoping he doesn't have any problems and need to have more brain surgery.

By this point the virus has spread to Sarah and she's now displaying her mother's charms when Meva gets sick, which is basically being tired and wanting to be left alone, until its time to devote everything to her. So now all three babies are sick and demanding attention and fighting among themselves at an incredibly pace.

Then, to add insult to injury, I decided I wanted to use a left over onion on a frozen pizza I was making and as I was chopping, I chunked right into the tip of my thumb and it bled for a long time. Meva has asked that I call her and let her know about these things in case of needing stitches, so I did, only to get ridiculed about my "little boo boo." I did exactly what she's asked me to do in the past, only to be teased and mocked!! She's so mean, I guess that's why we're such a good match and I love her so much. Besides, if I didn't call her and I needed stitches, she would have been cursing me all the way too and from work as she went to get stuff to stitch me up.

So in a nutshell my kids all got sick, I got sick, grimy, and lazy, and then I almost chopped off the tip of my thumb and dealt with insomnia and anxiety. Not exactly my most productive week, but at least it's over!! Now all I have to do is whip the house into shape for the Easter Dinner we're hosting. Should be fun!

Can't Sleep

2008-03-19T01:56:00.000-07:00

At the risk of sounding like I'm in some type of manic mode, I can't sleep. Thoughts and ideas keep racing through my head and I've taken as much medicine to calm down and sleep as I dare to and yet I'm still awake.

This means I'm going to have another day feeling exhausted and unmotivated to get things done around the house. May all of this is because I'm not sticking up for myself and confronting some issues I have head on. I know they're going to be a hassle, so maybe that's why I don't want to deal with them. I'd really like to take a week for myself and go camping to find my center and recharge. Who knows.

On an unrelated topic, I really hate those stupid Campbell soup adds with the guy who can do nothing but slurp them like a meth addict. I get the point, but they're just stupid. I actually like Campbell soup, but I refuse to buy any more until that as campaign is gone.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing enough as a citizen and what more I could do to contribute to make my city, state, and country a better place to live in. Cynically it would be to start a revolution and remake the country into a better place---- but with my last name I will get shot in the head right away.

Drew Peterson is still in the news. Isn't that fucking fantastic! I guess it's much more important than talking about examples of all the good things people are doing? Interest rates are going down again, so I'm still benefiting from having an ARM, which is good sense I can't sell my house for enough to pay off the loan and my second mortgage.

And you know what else pisses me off===== Ribbon Magnets that people put on the back of their cars with their wonderful messages like "Support Breast Cancer Research" or "Fight AIDS" or something to that effect. I'll admit that I'm not doing enough for ANYTHING I've ever read on a magnet sticker, but come one, it's not like I'm rooting for Breast Cancer, or an increase in AIDS, or Homosexual Intolerance. Enough with the ribbons, that don't mean a damn thing anymore. I think at this point I would like to get one that says "Stop Buying Magnet Ribbons"

Well, I need to lay down and pretend to sleep. My son Ryan was scared and he's in my bed, so I can at least cuddle with him and relax, maybe enough to sleep.

Slowly moving forward

2008-03-18T23:02:00.000-07:00

Since my father died I've been slowly trying to get a grasp of my life and move forward in a direction that is productive and satisfying. Doing that won't be easy and I'm sure it will cause me some major difficulty down the road, but the one thing I have come to see is that I deserve these things.

Writing is still the number one priority for me on a daily basis. I've been sluggish in selling things to finance a new laptop so that I can write in peace and quite, but I am moving closer to making this happen. I've actually begun sorting through my comic books and preparing them to be sold on eBay. In addition to the comics I have an off assortment of books, baby items, and games to add to this list in hopes of affording a laptop that will allow me to write and manipulate graphic files for my comic book assignments.

For now that's all I really have to talk about, with the exception that I am looking to restarting my comic book blog to discuss all things comic books. So that will be a fun undertaking.

Loss, Grief, and Thanks

2008-03-05T22:47:00.000-08:00

During the day on Tuesday March 4th my father, Lou Cicirello passed away. After a long bout with cirrhosis and emphysema in early February he broke his femur and he eventually succumbed to a heart attack, stroke, cancer, and kidney failure over this last month. His pain and suffering is now over and he is finally at peace.

The last week has been intense and stressful while we watched over him these last few days. In many ways this has been one of the hardest times I've ever been through in my life. I say that because through out it all we were left with trying to honor him, his memory, and his legacy. It's even more difficult to do than it sounds because it is so important to us that we worked hard to try and make sure we were doing the right things. I think he would approve of what we've done.

In dealing with these final days, I want to make sure that people know how absolutely devoted his son Lou Jr. was to him and our mother. He took on a mountain of responsibility in seeing to the big picture and the day to day needs of our parents. I don't think you can count past one hand the number of days he didn't check on and spend time with him over these last 4 or 5 weeks. Whether it was staying with him through the night, taking charge of the medical issues, looking after finances, doing the little things, organizing the end events, or just being there for our father and our mother, he selflessly gave of himself and his time to make sure our father was as comfortable as could be possible. He was my sounding board and companion as I went through this. I will never be able to adequately express the gratitude I have for all he did, and he did it well.

My other brother Cecil was instrumental in offering me a solid ground of reason, and logic, and love during this time. I knew I could turn to him and get sound advice, input, and observations about the situation and anything relating to it. I could rely on him to see the forest when I only saw trees. His contributions and support can not be overlooked.

My friend Colleen, who I sometimes refer to as my second wife, was simply amazing and outstanding throughout everything, specifically since the heart attack. She juggled her very busy schedule and made herself available at short notice to babysit my triplets so I could spend time with my dad and help out Louie in whatever small way I could find. To know that my kids were being watched and cared for safely and properly was a tremendous asset and gift that I don't think I can ever fully repay. She has been an absolute blessing to me in my time of need.

And finally I come to my wife, who may have accomplished the greatest task by putting up with me the entire time. That can not have been easy and I'm lucky to have her watching my back. She was ready and willing at any time to talk to me and be my rock of strength and support when I was grieving, or unsure, or just having a hard time dealing with the situation. She gave me patience and love in amounts I can't believe I deserved.

I wouldn't have made it through this without any of them, and others also offered me help and support during this time too. Whether it was just a kind word or an offer of help, I appreciated everything everyone did for me and my family.

This outpouring of support and dedication from family and friends exemplified the values and beliefs of my father. These are the kinds of actions that he taught me were the way to treat our family and loved ones and everyone has honored him by doing so.

Letting go is a hard thing to do, but knowing the fantastic support network I have and am a part of tells me that I will be able to do this and get on with living a life that he would be proud of. Thank you all.

An Update

2008-03-02T11:23:00.000-08:00

My father has continued a downward slide with his health and at this point it's all about making him comfortable until his last day.

He spent almost a week in the hospital and it was determined that he had a massive heart attack and that his kidneys had also taken great damage. His body is so weak and damaged that the doctors have decided they can't do anything to save his life and that doing further tests will only serve to traumatize him as well as be in vain. We suspect he also suffered a stroke, but that is one of the tests the doctors don't feel is worth running as they won't be able to treat it.

So as of right now he is recovering from the heart attack, is in liver failure from cirrhosis, kidney failure, emphysema, lung cancer, COPD, and he has a broken femur. Like I said, at this point it's all about keeping him comfortable and without pain as much as we can. He is currently on a consistent program of morphine and he's back at the nursing home.

It has been understandably tough on all of us and I've had good days and bad days. The ones that affect me the most are when he's in a lot of pain or just completely out of it and afraid. I think seeing him afraid is the hardest one for me because he was always such a large figure to me that its a devastating paradigm shift.

My brother Lou and I are both ready for him to slip away and for the pain to end. He has told us both that he's ready to go and doesn't want to be in the condition he's in. We're going to miss him quite a bit, but in the end we'll be happy when his suffering stops. We just hope that peace comes for him sooner than later.

Progress

2008-02-27T13:36:00.000-08:00

I've been spending much of my time the last few days at the hospital visiting my dad or trying to help out my brother in any way I can. We've gotten tests back that have determined that he had a heart attack and some kidney problems. Hopefully we'll know more soon. As of now I am heading back to the hospital to spend the night with him, so I may be out of touch for a day or two.

Be safe everyone.

Reflections & Observations

2008-02-25T23:31:00.000-08:00

I've had far too much "color" in my life of late, so much so that it has interfered with my ability and desire to write in any form. The "Color" I'm talking about comes from the normal phases of life that we experience ourselves and in watching others. It's not always easy to say which is the least painful to experience either.

I'm not of the disposition to blunt my words, which is my way of telling anyone who reads this that I am liable to forget the normal censor I use to filter my words on this medium. There are those that will read this and not fully understand my meaning due to the presumptuous tone of my writing tonight, most of them will be my immediate family, so let me speak plainly and say that I am of a mind to piss off some people with my comments.

My real father, by all accounts and history, is a real piece of shit as it relates to his responsibilities to myself and my sisters. When light is cast upon the truth of his work as a father, his lies, deceits, apathy, and extended absences are held naked for all to see. He is just another sad example of his generation that has only offered me crumbs of wisdom, genetic material, and a shining example of how a father should never behave. It is important for me to recognize and accept that through no actions or faults of my own, he decided at an early age in my life to cast me aside and build a new life that did not include room for me. That places me in an all too large fraternity.

Unlike most of my fraternity brothers, I was fortunate enough to have received an angel to fill the void that my own father declined. I often think I fell ass-backward into this, but the important aspect is that I was able to find someone who had the kindness and passion to take me under his wing, and at times into his home, and treat me like a son. That was no easy trick either. As a child I was difficult, troublesome, and charismatic enough to spread my mischief to others. Despite this, my friend Louie's father shepherded me as part of his flock.

There were times when I was out of line, far too many as most young boys are, and he was there to reign me in through lecture, example, and brief banishment when it was warranted. Throughout the years he gave me stability, inspiration, motivation, and love when I was alone and neglected by both my father and mother. And he did all of these things through his own steep trials and troubles. He often had very little for his family, but he always made sure there was something for me if I needed it.

Like all of us, he had his faults, but they seem so minor and unimportant now. What he gave to me far outshines any deficiencies that may have existed in his character. Despite the odds, he and his wife showed me the importance of family in ways that I was not shown by my own blood family. Throughout my life, it was he that served as my father. During the important and also the troubling times, he stood larger than life and supported me as he would his own sons. I am forever grateful to him for taking the time to just show any interest in me and my well being when he could have easily turned his back on me.

But I sit here tonight conflicted with love and sadness as he approaches death's door. To be sure the man is stubborn and a fighter, but we all must succumb to our final curtain call. I don't know when that will be, but I expect it won't be much longer. I will miss him and mourn him far more than I will the man who gave birth to me. Big Lou may not have brought me into this world, but I truly believe he kept me here and kept me grounded.

To me, that is the man who is my father. Not the pretender and genetic donor who turned his back on me and placated me whenever I tried to reconnect with him. Lou Cicirello is my dad. He is the one who was at my wedding, took part in the lives of my children, and used every thing he had to push me to a better life than he probably even dreamed of. The important milestones of my life have all been touched by him and as a result, I will never be the same.

It's true what they say about not being able to choose who gives us life, but there is no rule that says you can't choose over or choose another. However you explain it or however you want to rationalize it, I am damn lucky to have had him in my life.

I Dream of Asphalt

2008-02-01T22:28:00.000-08:00

We got almost a foot of snow in the last day, and I was out shoveling around midnight last night and then again this afternoon after it had stopped. I had a friend tell me there was no way I could convince him that there was a benefit to shoveling snow while it was still snowing. To that I say, it's much easier to shovel a couple hundred square feet of six inch snow on two occasions than to try and do the same thing with 12+ inches of snow. Southerners---they'll never understand.

Anyways, that was a lot of snow and I'm not ashamed to admit that one, I still enjoy shoveling snow and I had a good time doing it, and two, I am completely exhausted. Unfortunately this snow was wet and heavy and my back and arms are sore. But there's something about looking at the driveway and sidewalks and knowing that I cleaned them completely of the snow and ice. Yeah, I guess I am sick huh? The only thing I wsh was different was that I didn't have a gravel driveway. Shoveling show that's laying on a bunch of rocks is a big pain. If I had a blacktop or concrete drive then I could easily shovel it in less than half the time it takes with those rocks. My shovel is one of those "snow movers" that you can get behind and just push tons of snow all over with it. The part of my driveway by the garage is asphalt and it takes me no time at all to get it cleared. Ah well, maybe one day.

Not too much going on otherwise. It's been a hectic week for me just trying to keep up with the kids. It seems like they are getting more and more rambunctious as the days go by. I am constantly stopping them from taking things they shouldn't have, going where they shouldn't go, and doing things they shouldn't do. I long for the days of the triple 2am feedings sometimes. The worst part is that I'm still 5 months away from the terrible twos. I don't expect to make it through the summer!

I love the smell of Mud in my Campaign

2008-01-26T00:18:00.000-08:00

I spent the day recovering from my attack on insomnia. After too many days with poor sleep, I turned to science and medicine to get a good nights sleep and I took 1 Rozeem tablet. It's the pill with the commercials with Abe Lincoln, a talking beaver, and a deep sea diver. Well, this shit is the Devil's medicine! That one little pill knocked me out for almost 11 hours and even after I was up it took almost two hours for me to feel normal again. Pretty powerful stuff. I slept hard, reportedly smacked my wife in the face a few times, and had a long series of vivid dreams that shouldn't have been connected, but some how were. I think I'll be saving those pills for emergencies and times when I can sleep in a bit.

I commented previously about the dander rising in the Democratic debates between Clinton and Obama. They were both throwing barbs back and forth, essentially attacking each other's integrity. Unfortunately for Hillary, she made a comment about Obama being connected to a "slumlord" in Chicago named Tony Rezko. She of course defended her actions as a "counter attack" but as so often has happened when a Federal politician named Clinton gets in the news, the past has a way of coming up and casting dispersions upon their morals and integrity. Hilary was on the morning network news programs talking about the campaign and Matt Lauer asked her about the photo, to which she gave a great answer that I believe is probably the truth, but it's vague and predictable enough to cause the common voter to pause. The picture itself looks like it was taken during Bill's presidency and is probably just a photo from a fundraiser or visit that the Clintons made. She says she doesn't remember taking the picture or evening knowing him.

Her and Bill probably had their photos taken with thousands of people since entering the national scene at different democratic events with tons of people they didn't really know. But for her to question Obama's integrity by mentioning him connection to this guy by name, and then saying she doesn't even know what he looks like is a bit of a stretch. If she knew enough to mudsling with his name, then she knows what he looks like. Come on. And if she's full of shit about that, it makes you wonder what she really knows and whether her or her husband took any money from him, whether directly or indirectly.

Yeah, the mud smells sweet when you can just sit back and watch it fly.

Annoying

2008-01-24T01:47:00.000-08:00

Being a stay at home father has been a real paradigm shift for me in terms of how skewed our society is towards men as parents. If the stereotype of a father is not viewed as absent or negligent, then the best we can hope for is to be labeled as lazy, uncaring, or incompetent. Many times it is all of them combined together. This doesn't even include the fact that stories, advice, or services for the "stay-at-home" parent are almost always geared towards women. As I've said before here on this blog, I am one of the smallest minorities in this country as a result of this.

For most of my life I didn't care what the rest of the world thought, but as I increasingly ran into people who became upset, offended, angry, enraged, or hurt by comments and assumptions I made whether in jest or ignorance, I began to change my actions and comments to suit our increasingly thin-skinned society. It has gotten to a point that no matter what your intentions may have been, you are always wrong if you don't ignore all stereotypes and immediately embrace the highest pinnacle of qualities a person possesses (or potentially possesses) regardless of race, gender, age, or any other factor you want to use.

But in all this Rah!, Rah! politically correct age of bullshit enlightenment one group has been allowed to be maligned, smeared, and ridiculed as frequently as anyone else desired. This group I am talking about is men, most often white men, but generally it's OK to attack, insult, or belittle us.

Are you gay? Well, we won't stand for anyone making fun of you for that? Are you black? Then we will not tolerate any assaults against you in any form!! Are you Jewish? A senior citizen? Maybe even a friend of Bill W? Then we will protect you--- as long as you're not a man!! Then it's OK to say things about you that we would otherwise balk at if that came anywhere near us. And if you happen to be a father, then we'll double our efforts and use the broadest strokes of our brushes to besmirch you and your character. But be warned, if you do it to women or mothers, even in defense, then you're just an asshole.

So, this annoys me!

On Tuesday, some "broad" in the multiple parents group Meva and I belong to passed along a joke that was very long winded and meant to be funny about how men are thoughtless, lazy, stupid, sex maniacs. It was meant as a joke, but it just pissed me off to know end. So much so that I replied to this entire group, which consists almost entirely of women, that I found the email offensive.

I'm sharing this because in my little rant, I came up with a twist and turn on the stereotype for women that I am rather proud of because like most stereotypes, you can find support for it if you look hard enough, but it's mostly ridiculous and I aimed it at this group of women, who for the most part use the multiple parenting group as a mothers social network (and there's nothing wrong with that). So to this group I referred to women as:

"nothing but self indulgent, image obsessed martyr bags of hormones and gossip!"

Meva and I laughed at that until it hurt. I say that because if we laugh too much right now our chest colds act up and we start coughing like crazy.

But anyways, all of the above annoyed me and I felt much better (and tremendously pleased at my attempt at being witty) after having said that.

Anyways, that's something for everyone to think about and laugh at. And if you still aren't laughing, just laugh at me, I'm an easy target. I am a white male parent after all!!

Danger! Danger! Danger!

2008-01-23T02:23:00.000-08:00

I've been doing some thinking the last few days, which is always something my wife says should cause everyone around me to be concerned. As it is past 4 am while I write this, I am prepared to admit I am suffering from some serious insomnia. Just like I said in my last post, I'm getting little sleep, I'm up all hours, and I find myself growing more and more restless and listless at the same time. As I've tried to find a cause for this new behavior and a way to combat it, I think that I may have finally come up with an answer tonight while writing on my other blog.

Basically I think my problem stems from an inability to write. If you don't write, then that will sound silly, but if you're someone like myself who feels compelled to write everyday, then you'll understand how damaging it can be to feel as though you're being held back from creating. The current set-up here at home no longer is working for me, with my desk right in the middle of triplet central and between the TV and my wife's computer.

Meva and I talked about this before and I've been saving up trying to get a used laptop so that I can go into another room for some piece and quiet and pound away at the keys. One of my ways to raise the money for this is to start consolidating my collections of books and other items I know longer use and put that money towards my laptop. I've left that as a lower priority, but I think I need to raise that up and focus a bit more on this so I can make my laptop a reality, so eBay here I come!!

In the real world the Presidential race is starting to narrow down, which always causes the remaining candidates to try and make themselves stand out and inevitably the mud starts getting slung all over. We're entering put and shut up time and they no longer have the luxury of talking out of both sides of their mouth on every issue and they're going to be forced to let some of their real intentions and plans out for the public to judge. This is where it all gets exciting and I think I'm going to very much enjoy this race.

Time for some Zzzzz's.

Messes

2008-01-21T23:51:00.000-08:00

That little ball of fun to the left has become the newest member of my rogues gallery. That is an enhanced image of the rhinovirus and I've been battling it for what seems like weeks. Basically it's the virus that is responsible for the common cold, or something like 90% of all colds. At this point I'm pretty much past the fevers, chills, and sinus issues, all I have left at the ridiculous congestion and coughing symptoms. I say that because of the severity and unusual pattern that they follow for me. I'm usually fine when I wake up and don't have any coughing whatsoever, but then a few hours later it hits me like a train out of no where. I can be busting my hump around the house or with the kids or just taking it easy and reading or watching TV. When this happens the coughing is just nasty and painful. Everything starts breaking up in my chest and it feels like I'm trying to exhale small shards of glass It can last 10 minutes up to a few hours. The only thing that helps me is taking hydrocodeine for a cough suppressant, which is basically vicodine. I end up taking these pills 2-3 times a day and right before bed because I've been waking up in the middle of the night in one of these coughing fits. Well, the damn thing is getting weaker and weaker, so hopefully it's on the way out.

Other than dealing with the plumbing issues in the laundry room, I haven't been able to do much around the house or even write as I rest and try and get through this. It's a shame I don't have a TEMPORARY extra Meva or two for around the house. She herself has been fighting it off and working real hard around the house and at work. Between the two of us the house is a mess and in a state of disrepair. About the only thing we've accomplished is watching some DVD's and the NFL Playoffs. I've also rekindled my love affair with the Dick Van Dyke show. There's something about the simple, yet likable characters and stories that I love and appreciate. And you can't help but enjoy the talented cast and writing that I truly think was ahead of its generation. One of the local non-network stations airs it twice a night, so I'm enjoying it while it lasts. I would have to say that it really is one of my favorite TV shows, right up there with Frasier, WKRP, and The Office.

The last mess I've got is a bit of a doozy. I wouldn't call it insomnia, but I am having some difficulty sleeping. I find I either can't get to bed until it's almost morning (or actually morning) or I wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep for several hours. It's definitely not something that 19 month old triplets are very sympathetic to the next morning. Meva and I aren't sure if it's something I'm doing (like too much caffeine late at night), a side effect of my depression medication, my depression in general, or if its not a warning sign that I might be bi-polar. My therapist seems to think there is some merit there also and wants me to look into that also. I can tell you despite the early tests I've done for this, I am probably going to be a very difficult and bad patient when it comes to treatment . I'll expound on that more as I know more.

Lastly, all of this has really begun to hamper my ability and even desire to write, even here on the blog. I instead find myself distracted by facebook or countless mindless games. I really need to get back into my projects like Toy Chest and finishing up the Veil. That project is almost bursting to come out at times, yet I'm having a hell of a time finding that groove. I really wish I had a laptop so that I could go into a nice quiet place and start banging out pages. I don't need anything fancy, just something with microsoft office and the ability to connect to the web for images and research. Looks like it's time to hit the old eBay store and start cleaning out some closets and putting things up for auction.

Well, it's much too late for me, as usual, so I'm going to try and get a few Zzzz's in before the triplet monster rears its ugly head!

The Root Of My Problems

2008-01-12T00:37:00.000-08:00

Well, we had the plumber come out and attack my problem with the laundry room drain pipe problem. As I suspected, that drain was blocked. What was surprising is that the blockage was a network of roots that had trapped years of lint. I say it's surprising because there isn't a tree or bush anywhere near this area that the drain pipe is in. That means the roots are from an old tree that was removed before we bought the house or they are from a huge oak tree over 100 feet away. In the end, we paid about $500 for them to do this and replace some pipes and give us no guarantee that the problem is solved. The washer is working, so for now we're happy. Once I get back to working full time, we might go for a more drastic solution to this. Saturday morning begins the tearing of the drywall and the bleach moping of the entire laundry room!! Yeah!

I think I've entered another one of my manic episodes because I find myself wired and sleeping aids to be of no help. While I would like to sleep, my mind is just racing around and unable to settle for me to relax and sleep.

For no real reason, the last few nights that I have slept, I've had a recurring dream that Meva and I are in a plane crash in the Canadian Wilderness in a small plane. We are the only survivors and Meva has a broken leg. The rescue attempts have been called off because of a developing storm that is starting out as ice rain and turning into a snowy blizzard that will soon start bearing down on us. I then spend the next several hours in survival mode trying to make sure Meva is comfortable and building a shelter to protect us from the elements. I always wake before I finish and as of yet we've never been rescued, although one dream featured me getting help from hundreds of badgers who had dubbed me their god.

I made it through the week with sick triplets and Meva and I under the weather. It was rough and I really feel like I need a vacation. In all honesty, it may have been one of the more challenging weeks with the kids I've ever had. As big as I am, even I have trouble hugging and soothing three babies on two shoulders!

The political race is starting to heat up seriously and due to the precarious nature and importance of this race, I want to be more informed than I have ever been before. That means I'll probably start spouting my radical views here from time to time, but it's important for all of us to do the right thing and stay informed as to what is going on.

Hopefully I can get my laundry room set in time to get to my brother's house for the football games. I plan on being there for both the Seahawks vs Packers and the Jaguars vs. Patriots game in the early evening. Those should be some good games.

One thing I had the misfortune of suffering through this week was watching daytime network and local TV because I spent much of my time holding babies. There are far too many court TV shows on! I hate them all, and the people who appear on those shows ever more. I'm beginning to wonder if these people don't just immediately leave the stages of Jerry Springer and Maury and then appear in front of short tempered judges for additional legal humiliation. I'm almost tempted to watch soap operas, but I will gladly watch Bob the Builder in their place!

Stay-at-home dad of triplets, I am the last true minority in this country!!

I Hate My House

2008-01-10T22:26:00.000-08:00

Anyone who loves pain and has been a frequent visitor to this blog knows all the headaches my wife and I have gone through and overcome in regards to our house. You can see were this is going right? More problems!! This time it involves, flooding, mold, and a clogged drain.

The drain pipe in our laundry room has clogged so that every time we run the washing machine it backs up onto the floor. We discovered this from the overwhelming smell of the mold that has built up along the drywall on the floor. So tomorrow I'll be having a plumber coming out to fish through the clog so that the washer works again. Afterwards it will be the fun hobby of ripping out the drywall and drying everything out, and then scrubbing it all down with bleach before we redo the drywall and repaint.

I wish we weren't broke as hell so I could just hire a contractor and have them do all this work. It's not that it's all that difficult, but time is the more precious commodity and I'd just as soon see someone else take care of it while I did other things that are pressing as well.

You know it's been a wild month when a bunch of tornadoes come rolling through the region in January. I feel for all those people who got smacked with this due to the uncommon weather, but I don't want to hear people telling me it's all due to global warming. It happened in 1950, and probably happened hundreds of times prior to the keeping of weather records. Don't get me wrong, I believe that we have some serious greenhouse gas issues, but it's not to blame for everything.

All three of the kids are sick too. The boys are the worst off and they are very clingy. This is one of the most stressful times for being the parent of triplets. These poor little guys are so sick, and feverish, and just all over miserable that most of the time they just want to be held. The house has pretty much become a disaster area as I give them the love and attention they need and try to hold my sanity together. It's not always easy, but so far I've gotten through it.

Not too much in the way of good news to report, although things really are good for us overall. I have great kids, a wonderful wife (although she is lacking in football enthusiasm). You basically count your blessings and focus on what you have.

Getting Back On The Saddle

2008-01-06T02:38:00.000-08:00

The Holidays, as much as I love them, sure do seem to sap much of my energy from me. It didn't help having that friendly little cold over New Year's either, but it beats getting poked in the eye with a stick.

The weekend has been very relaxing and slow. Of note my wife and I watch The Bourne Ultimatum and Vacancy. I loved Bourne in the theaters, and I was really surprised with Vacancy. I don't usually go for movies of that type, but it was suspenseful and it never got too terribly out of hand or control. It's biggest asset is that it's a story that could conceivable happen (although probably not at intricate or complex) and it's that knowledge that sits at the back of your head as you watch it. Anyone who has ever traveled along out of the way places and stayed at lonely generic motels will instantly be able to relate to the setup of that movie. Again, nothing fancy, but it was definitely a good movie.

With the NFL playoffs here that means a few things. First is that my beloved Bears have the same seat to the games as I do, and second that the fantasy football season is over. In total, I was in 6 leagues this year and I won two, came in second in two more, and the other two I just tanked. At least one of the leagues I won has some money as a prize, so I'll be getting a nice donation to my laptop fund here real soon!

My hand is really starting to feel good here and once my wife and I get the house back in shape I'm going to be going full steam ahead on the writing. I've already started going over The Veil and plotting out how I want that to go. Since I've been on this hiatus, I'm going to to a recap and put some special links on the side to make it easy from anyone interested in starting over, to do so.

Well, it's now so late that it's early and I should have been in bed hours ago. Be safe everyone.

Welcoming The New Year

2008-01-04T21:29:00.000-08:00

My buddy Cary marked the New Year that he still had his fingers and toes. For that matter alone, I am glad to see 2007 behind me. I spent the latter part of the year in pain and in a cast due to my arthritis in my left hand. 2008 has rung in with my hand out of a cast and in a splint!! That's just awesome.

We had a great New Years celebration, despite a nasty cold taking root in me, at my brother's house. I of course didn't drink, but I didn't get home until 4:30am. I was beat, but I had a fantastic time talking with my friends and family without any worry of getting home and checking on the triplets. I have to give a big thank you to my mother and father in-law for allowing us to have a very rare treat that night.

There's not a whole lot going on lately. As the year gets in gear I'm preparing to finish my last assignment for my Master's Degree and looking to get back into teaching again after this school year. That's important because it will take away some of my time for writing as I prepare resumes and applications. It sucks, but it's a necessary evil for my family.

That's about it for now folks.

A Moment To Breath

2007-12-27T00:18:00.000-08:00

Christmas was great! We continued our tradition of reading T'was the Night Before Christmas with the triplets. This year we gave them hot chocolate in their bottles and I read the the story while they drank and tried to take the book from me. It was cute and probably my favorite highlight of the holiday.

All in all it was a very nice and low key event. My brother Cecil and his wife Sarah came, along with his mother Vera, who I consider to be a second mother to me. Everyone was extremely generous with their gifts to the kids, as they always are. We're very blessed in that regard and I would trade them for anything, I'm just proud and happy they are a part of my life.

Unfortunately there were two blips on the day that made it rough. I forgot to take my ulcer meds for three straight days and as a result the wonderfully tasting pot roast my wife made gave me no end of problems and I had to cut my eating short and let things resettle for a few hours. Then for the third year in a row my youngest sister brought her chaos into my life by calling (actually it was her husband) to ask us for gas money to get home. From my aunt's house. Meva and I toyed with the idea of not even exchanging presents this year because money is so tight, so she was barking up the wrong tree.

Last year this sister almost spent Christmas in jail and Meva and I bought and (for the most part cooked) a complete Christmas dinner for them (I think it was meant to feed about 12-14 people) by buying the turkey, a ham (I think), a bunch of sides, pies and cakes, and a bunch of cookies and fudge. If I'm not mistaken the year before that she didn't have money for Christmas gifts for her kids and was scrambling a few days before Christmas trying to borrow money to get presents.

Even though I know this will be read to my mother (which is fine), I don't think my family realizes how much this type of behavior effects me and gets me down. I love my sister and her kids, but she point blank doesn't live her life respectfully or responsibly and it makes me crazy, angry, and lugubrious. And that is only intensified when I think about her kids. In the end it causes me to be so depressed that I actually physically ache. Unless you suffer from depression, you can't understand exactly how this happens. It of course carried over into today, and if it weren't for my wonderful babies, I would have slept the entire day away.

Not too much else going on that I have much to say about. The always frustratingly fun Best/Worst of lists or the year are all over the place now. Overall I guess I like them, but sometimes it's kind of sad to see just what exactly we've let become important to us.

Again, TV sucks, especially daytime. Without cable, I am stuck with the basic local channels, so all I get are judge shows (they all suck and are redundant) and talk shows. Most of them are also filled with the dregs of humanity, so even the guests aren't interesting. I will share the sad state of my TV affairs to you all so that you can laugh with me (or at me) when I admit that watching Martha Stewart or Rachel Ray are the only shows I watch during the day--- that or the PBS kids shows!! (That Wendy on Bob the Builder is a babe in disguise!).

TV at this time of night (2amish) is equally as bad. Infomercials and Poker After Dark are what you get. I think I'd rather listen to Top 40 radio or Rosie O'Donnell. If it didn't make me so agitated I would just drop to the floor, instantly asleep.

Tomorrow I visit my bone specialist and hopefully I'll be coming home without a cast, but with a splint. Just being able to take it off to bath or let my hand and wrist breath would be wonderful and hopefully I can get back to work.

Can't Sleep, The Penguins Will Win!!

2007-12-23T20:38:00.000-08:00

Since Thursday night my wife thinks I may have entered into a manic state due to the fact that I've slept about 8 hours over the last three days and I'm really not too tired or dragging my tail. Usually when I don't get enough sleep the migraines start flying at me at an incredible speed. Thankfully that hasn't happened yet, which is really weird.

I was adjusting my cast today when I heard and felt a nasty pop from the area in my wrist that they did the bone graft on for hand surgery. It hurt quite a bit afterwards and my hand has been more sore than normal as a result, especially in the area I has the pins sticking out of it. Everything just started acting up out of the blue. I hope this isn't a bad sign because I really want to get this cast off and move into a splint. We'll have to see how that goes.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and I'm really excited about spending it with the Triplets and giving them a hot chocolate bottle before we put them down with a telling of The Night Before Christmas. Meva and I have done this every year that we've been together and it's now part of our family tradition. Last year we drove home early so that we would be able to get the babies down (the were less than 6 months old then) and we sat on the floor of the nursery in the dark with a flashlight and softly read the story out loud without waking the kids. I know it's corny, but we'll never forget it.

Exterminated

2007-12-21T01:36:00.001-08:00

Sometime around the end of October I got slammed with some nasty Malware on my computer through a comment someone posted on my MySpace profile. It was one of those nice ones that pretends it's Windows and tells you that it has detected spyware on your computer and you need to remove it to protect your computer. It is even nice enough to provide you a direct link to a site that sells a spyware removal program ranging anywhere from $25 to $99. The "company" that makes this program is the one that has infected your computer. I think the term that tech people use for this type of Malware is Smitfraud.

Anyways, I got one and I have spent the better part of the last two months with limited computer resources as I tried to isolate the bug and exterminate it. The final piece was a damaging file that hid itself within my firefox browser and took away all my links, distorted my display, and created a leak or something that forced me to manually shut the program off through my Windows Task Manager (pressing Ctrl+Alt+Delete). To say I was frustrated and annoyed would be an understatement.

But this morning I got a lead on where to look and after a lot of digging around, I found the file and deleted that sucker. Everything looks to be back in working order and I am a very happy man once again. I hope this means I'll be able to post and resume my normal computer activities.

It's late and I should already be in bed, but I just gad to share this bit of good news!

The Best Plans

2007-12-18T22:12:00.000-08:00

I was entering into this Holiday season preparing to pull out all the stops with baking, decorating, and trying to spread joy and peace as far and as often as I could. Honestly, I started doing research and organizing lists of things I wanted to accomplished and everything that I would need to make it so. Of course we all know what happened in October, I had my left had reconstructed after several years of intense pain. With just a week to go, I've got to face the facts and give up. I did the best I could, but my plans were huge and I just couldn't get a break when I needed one. In the end:

There won't be a super special Christmas card like last year before Christmas for everyone.
My plans for baking treats to share with everyone have been greatly reduced, possibly to two, maybe three things
I didn't get the garage organized and as a result couldn't find all of our Christmas stuff that was packed away for the move that never happened.
I am ashamed of my outdoor decorations. They are just sad.
My special gift packages that I wanted to give to my loved ones didn't happen, and I really wanted to get those done and distributed.
I have misplaced my Hardrock, Cocoa, and Joe DVD, and depending on how well you know me, you know this one hurts.
The interior decorations didn't happen either, at least not to the extent I wanted them.
My special gift for my wife didn't work out again.
I haven't gotten pictures of the triplets yet in the snow, with or without snowmen.
I have always wanted a Christmas train to go around my tree or something significant, and this was going to be the year it happened, but that too was derailed.

On the bright side of things, and yes there is positively a bright side to all this, I now have 53 weeks and one more after Christmas Special to get my act together for next year! I am stoked about that, I really am. I don't care if I have to channel my inner Martha Stewart, bond with our kitchen-aide mixer, and get attacked by the Bumpus' dogs, I will have things planned, organized, and completed next year well in advance.

The cool thing about this year is that I've had the chance to spend time with people that are steadily becoming very good and important friends to Meva and I, and we also were able to meet some fantastic people that are very interesting and fun to be around and who show the potential to become good friends also.

Did I mention I also got to eat some baked brie cheese with cranberry jelly? A law should be passed making that a mandatory part of all meals during this time of the year.

And did I mention my children? They won't get even half of it, but they're going to experience opening presents ) and potentially trying to eat the wrapping paper. But of all the things they won't get or can't yet appreciate, the three kids, Meva, and I will all sit down and read The Night Before Christmas on Christmas Eve, just as Meva and I have done for the last 7 years. In fact last year Meva and I sat on the floor of the nursery with flashlights at 3am and read it to our 3 sleeping newborns.

I speak only for myself, but that is the spirit of the holiday for me. This simple tradition has become the essence of Christmas for me as I slowly impart it to my children, in the hopes that they do the same with their children. At the risk of sounding morbid, when I die, this will be image I take with me into the beyond.

Seeing New Things

2007-12-13T01:51:00.000-08:00

It's now been six weeks with a cast on my hand and I have to admit that is has gotten steadily worse each week. The pain has been a constant (let anyone try a bone graft, two grindings, three fusions, inserting a permanent screw, and adding to pins) and to add to the fun the would has been infected much of the time. Trust me, it's more fun than it sounds!!! LOL

So anyways, I got the pins removed. One of them had sunk low and a good deal of skin grew over it. The doctor had to give me some shots so he could slice up the hand without me feeling it. Being the curious sort, I watched as he literally jammed the needle-nose pliers about 1/4 inch into my hand and pulled out the 2 inch pin. It was really cool to see and very gross.........plus there was blood everywhere. Once he took out those pins I felt extremely nauseous and light headed and needed to lay back down for a few minutes.. But the good news is I should be out of the cast, and probably in a splint, in two weeks time!

Everyone around the house is on the mend and starting to feel better and get back to normal routines, although I'm having trouble sleeping, but that's not really new. But being that it's now 4 am, I think I'm going to his the sack.

Viruses All Around

2007-12-08T23:24:00.000-08:00

Virus. It gas come to dominate my life of late. Everyone but Ryan is fighting a stomach virus here, lots of fevers, aches, and vomiting throughout the house with everyone else. That little Ryan is a badass, he just refuses to let stomach viruses get him down. I think I'm going to use him in a fashion similar to coal miners and birds in mine shafts. When Ryan goes do, I'll know that some new strain of the Mutaba or Shanti virus has come.

On top of all this, my computer has come under some nasty attacks of spyware and malware. I think I finally got the whole malware issue solved and fixed after about a month, but now I'm having trouble with Firefox. One of the add-ons I had with it screwed things up and my link toolbar has gone completely blank, my bookmarks are missing, and I have a large gray area at the bottom of the browser that's just doing nothing. I've tried the forum at Mozilla, but so far every suggestion has not worked. I'm getting to the point where I am considering reinstalling XP from scratch. I think I've just got too many problems and I might result to purchasing Norton System works.

My hand is apparently not doing well. The bones haven't fused as well as the doctor wants so I gave to get some bone stimulator to hook up to the hand so that it will assist bone in healing, but after 6 weeks in this cast, I'm still under a great deal of pain that most people would be screaming and crying about, But I don't have that luxury. To make matters worse I see, to have developed a nasty infection in the wound around one of the pins that are still sticking out of my hand. It must be pretty serious because the doctor wants me to travel to Indiana on Monday to get it checked out in case the infection is in the bone, which I'm told is serious. I am so ready for this to be done and over with.

The news has been over-filled with my favorite type of event; a mass murder shooting held in a mall. We got to hear everyone's story and see irrelevant photos that serve nothing but increased program ratings and the the go on and give the dead nutcase the spotlight that he wanted, which I once again predicted would serve as inspiration to the next asshole. Sure enough I hear there was another shooting instance in a different mall somewhere else today. Sometimes I think it's time to begin controlling the free run the media has on content and have the government step in and oversee some of what is reported on. They could be called the CRC, the content relevancy commission and have the power to impose fines and sanctions for violations that are against common sense and promote potentially dangerous threats to the citizens. Yeah, I know it takes away from some of out 1st amendment rights and it's a very conservative stance by me, but the irresponsibility of the media really frosts my ass.

Just thought I'd share!

Gravity Is Working

2007-12-04T00:34:00.001-08:00

I found that out the hard way today. I fell off the roof of my house hanging Christmas lights and cleaning out the gutters. Having only one good hand I really had no good reason to be up there, but the lights needed hanging and the weather for the rest of the week didn't look promising, so I had to tackle this today. I lost my grip on things with my bad hand due to the cast slipping, and when I over compensated that was all it took to send me pitching over the top and straight onto my gravel driveway. I fell forward and landed on the back of my head. The only thing I hurt was my ego.

I was initially concerned about getting a concussion and worrying my wife, so I originally said I fell into the bushes, but I figure it does no good to handle this with a lie, so I came clean. It's been about 7 hours now and I've only got some sore, achey back muscles and a slight headache. That's pretty good for an old man.

Despite those follies, I spent the day working around the house until Perrin got sick and then it was all about holding him and making him feel better. I must not have done a good job of it because he threw up all over me and himself, so we both got a nice bath out of it and then he seemed to improve somewhat, but he was running a fever.

Well, it's late and I need to sleep. I just noticed my clock on our TV is about 3 hours off and I have been up way tooooo late.

The Idiot

2007-12-03T00:55:00.000-08:00

Yeah, that's what I feel like. Sunday was just one of those days where I just seemed to be in a fog and just kept making mistakes after mistakes.

I left the dome light on in the car, so the batter was dead and I had to jump it with the van. Once that was all done I shut my flashlight in the hood of the van and spent 15 minutes in the biting cold trying to get the damn hood of the van open without any luck, before I remembered that I needed to go back inside the van and pop the hood!! I was so frustrated with myself that I pulled out the rod that keeps the hood of out other vehicle up. I wasn't even paying attention and grabbed it the wrong way and the whole damn thing just came completely out of the frame.

The Bears let me down today, no surprise. The better be the offseason of the offensive line, both in the draft and in free agency, because what they have out there just isn't doing the job. And that doesn't even cover needing safteies and upgrading the wide receviers. There is a lot of work to be done.

I spent mot of the day avoiding the world and processing everything that happened yesterday with the meeting I had with my Dad. It really took a lot out of me and I was spent and exhausted the whole day. I felt listless and useless. Luckily I have the best wife in the world and she worked his behind off today all over the house. It's nice to know I have someone I can rely on. She's truly amazing.

Processing

2007-12-02T04:47:00.000-08:00

Although I've been silent around here for the last week, I've been doing everything else that I normally do, except updating this thing. The holidays have certainly claimed more of my time of late, but what's mostly kept me away is my counseling. It still goes well, but it's really hit the first serious crux on my road to getting through all the crap that bothers me.

There's still a part of me that hates the fact that I am in counseling and that I couldn't come through everything on my own. Maybe I'm just too infatuated with the old "tough guy" persona of Hollywood that I was spoon fed as a kid, but sometimes it makes me feel like less of a man. It's really a silly notion, but it's a part of the whole "process" I fight and this week it was more prevalent than usual.

Without going into much detail here, I met with my father today for the first time in almost 4 years. There are a lot of issues that I have with him from childhood to today and I need to find resolution and a way to let go of my anger. I showed up uninvited and unannounced, and I didn't know how things would go. I was prepared to walk away and cut all ties with the man. Instead I got to talking with him and I realized this would not be a one meeting process, it's going to take a few. There were many new issues that came up as a result of this meeting, and processing them will take some time. I expect this week to be a difficult mess, trying to get the house set for Christmas, just dealing with the babies, and working through what happened on Saturday.

I'm going to try and get a few hours sleep before that kids wake up so I have the energy to take hold of the day. If you don't hear from me for a few days, now you know what's going on.

Oh What A Weekend

2007-11-26T00:20:00.000-08:00

I'm going to make this initial post short and to the point. We had a good visit at Meva's parent's despite the babies all getting colds and bronchitis. They were really well behaved and they mostly played with their grandparent's toys that they have just for them. Grandma Murial's white blood cell count was low, so she wouldn't get to hold them or even. As sad as it was, at least she got to see them

All around we enjoyed seeing our friends and family, and if the kids would have felt better they might have been less clingy to Meva and I and more willing to play and be held by others.

The trip home normally takes abut 7 hours, but at one point we were at a stand still for over an hour. It took an extra 5 hours, but we finally got home. Everyone is now a sleep and I need to join them. Details and any pictures will come tomorrow. G'night ya all

Crash, Then Burn

2007-11-20T22:25:00.000-08:00

Well, it was the power supply that caused the computer to crash. My friend Chris came over today to help me put the new one in as I always assume that I will do the most damage. So Chris came over and we got the new power supply in and as soon as we turned it on, there was a surge of some kind and my video card fried.

When I say the video card was fried, I mean this literally. Chris turned the computer on and I saw a bright light coming from the bottom of the video card and I said to Chris:

"Hey, that's fire."

"Yep, that sure is fire," Chris said.

"Yeah, that can't be good." I said as Chris quickly shut the thing down.

That sucks, but I got a new card that's a bit better and everything seems to be up and running now, so as long as that stays true, I have no complaints. It could have been much worse.

Down

2007-11-18T23:01:00.000-08:00

Last night I stepped away from my computer for about a half an hour to tuck my wife in bed for the night and when I came back it had shut itself off and wasn't working. No matter what I tried, I couldn't get it to come back on. My initial guess is that my power supply went bad. I'm really cautious when it comes to fixing computers myself, so I may not venture too far into trying to swap out the old one with the new one I just bought, but we'll see.

I spent most of the day in bed, feeling like I had the flu. Just overall felt like crap and I was fortunate enough that my wife was here and took charge of the house and the babies for me while I basically did nothing. I tell you, I definitely married out of my league and I got extremely lucky getting her.

Hopefully I'll be back up and running on my computer tomorrow, and the first thing I'm going to be doing is spending time backing up all my files. I've fallen behind on that, so it needs to be done anyway, so that will be a kill suck for sure.

Apparently my Bears looked like crap again today. I think that entire team needs to be overhauled and rebuilt. There is some great talent, but the team is just not very good, especially on the offensive side. The defense has more talent, but they can't seem to stop an important 3rd down, you can run all over them, and their schemes aren't working with the personnel they've got. If it were up to me, I'd start at the offensive line and work out from there, because this team needs it. The best part is that since I was sick, I didn't have to see the debacle

Slipping Away

2007-11-15T23:21:00.000-08:00

It's really hard for me to be as honest about my life as I've been in the past few weeks. During this time I've come to discover that I have lead a quite conservative life in more areas than I realized. Sure, my values and politics tend to be liberally moderate with a green tint to them, but I've held many things close to my chest; personal choices, personal opinions; and things I've done in the past.

I'm bringing this up because I want everyone to know and everyone who cares, what's going on with me right now. My reasons for this stance are legion, but I felt they are necessary not just for me, but for anyone who knows me or loves me. Because when it comes right down to it, my perception of myself seems to be in contradiction with some of the ways in which everyone else, save my wife, views me. This is because recently a friend of mine used the word "aggressive" to describe me.

I wasn't offended in any way, but it surprised me, threw me for a loop actually. My personal image and description of myself would never have included that term, if anything it was more contradictory- completely opposite.

For the first time in my life I've entered counseling and I absolutely hate it and yet love it. It makes me angry, frustrated, uncomfortable, and sad but at the same time it challenges me to confront all my lingering fears, issues, and problems that have shaped me and effect me negatively to this day. Wounds that I thought were healed I've realized are not and I'm fighting to address them and the powerful emotions that they release. It is hard and at times overwhelming. Sometimes I don't think I can do it. [Continue and get better]

What does help me get through it is exposing myself to everyone and finding strength in this vulnerability. I need to do it this way to tell my thoughts and feelings, and even my actions so that everyone gets a better understanding of who I am.

Because it's been too long since I've last written, I wanted to share a few things with everyone here before I succumb to my sleeping pills for the night:

Starting Friday I'll be medicating for Depression, for the last two weeks I've gotten worse each day
She'll say different, but I've been an asshole to my wife, and she deserves much better than this.
I cant sleep, and the meds are getting less affective.
I feel lost, alone, and at times my future seems uncertain and impossible.
I feel friendless despite great friends, yet I feel like asking "Where are they all?"
Anyone who thinks I have ever just given them a "reality check" and didn't hold anything back, you need to know that I thought long and hard about I wanted to say, whether or not to say anything at all, or how to deliver my message, and in the end I held back my true thoughts and opinions for your benefit.
Because of my hand, writing has come to a stand still and I feel incomplete, worthless, and empty.
There are times through out every day when I think of the scars and injuries I've received from my family and they are so over whelming, that I want to lay down on the ground and cry.

It surprises me that I can share this much with you and I admit freely that it scares the living crap out of me to do this. But I think it's a healthy step for me. Anyone who reads this is also a part of this treatment for me, so any thoughts, responses, or even complaints are welcomed. Either leave me a comment or if you' like a more private forum email me here: Chuck's Email

Thanks for listening.

TV

2007-11-13T01:52:00.000-08:00

It's very late at night and I'm still up, although I'm trying to cut down how long I sleep because my back had just been killing me. It's a combination of being out of shape, a chronic bad back, and a bad abed. I've noticed when I sleep less than 6 hours I'm ok, but any longer and I risk some major pain. It was so bad to today that I started the morning literally crawling around to where my pain meds were before I could actually stand on my own. Lot's of fun let me tell you.

As a result, I've been listening to the TV and I'm offended and not impressed at all. Some lowlights that caught my attention:

Angelina Jolie had gun on her shoe at a European movie premier
A Denver Broncos fan blows 6 car horns every time the Broncos score, and their neighbors aren't happy.
A former contestant from "Dancing with the Stars" is having a nose job.
Brittany ran a red light, texted in her car while driving, failed a drug test, and is going to move.
Apparently the only people who watch TV this late at night need powered wheel-chairs. Presumably so they can change the channel.
The Pope is coming to the US, as a non-Catholic and Deist, I could care less.
Attorney Peter Francis Geraci , is the most powerful bankruptcy attorney in the world and he really cares, despite obvious scare tactics, partial truths and lies.
A Group of Nuts, consisting of air pilots and a former Governor of Arizona gathered in Washington to demand that the Federal government to open a global investigation.

Man, with crap like that on, I can't wait to watch Sesame Street with my kids in a few hours! I really need to get off the grid!!

I'm Trying

2007-11-09T23:31:00.000-08:00

What, you might ask, is it that i'm trying to do? I'm trying to find the time to write whenever I can, but my luck has been as consistent as usual and if you know me then ya know that ain't good!!

Oh yeah, did I mention I'm a decrepit old man lately? Normally I still feel like I'm in my early 20's, both mentally and physically, but lately the old body has been taken some nasty hits; I'm still down to just one good hand for about a month more, my ulcer has been flaring a bit lately and making eating a real unpleasant experience, I woke up this morning and needed to take some pain pills because my back went out on me, To top that off, Meva says I have what amounts to a swollen and an infected testicle that is possibly the most unpleasant of all the things that are bothering me. And then there is next week's root canal!!! At this point I'm just waiting for scurvy to set in!

I set up time today to get my cast changed, per the doctor's orders and after Meva busted her butt to get home from work early so I could get this done, I get to the doctor's office and the person who does the casts already left for the day!! Even though I talked to her 3 hours before hand and she assured me she'd be there. Just thinking about this REALLY gets me beyond angry! I will get a hold of this doctor on Monday and I'm going to politely give him an ear-full.

So then, I get back home and find out that I somehow infected my computer with a nasty malware program that was just insanely hitting me with pop-ups. None of my usual tricks worked and it took me almost 6 hours, but I think I may have finally got the little bastard deleted. Now it's gotten me a bit paranoid and I'm going to spend most of Sunday backing up files onto CD's.

But in other news, I had such a good morning today with the triplets. I think they must have taken cooperative pills because they played so nice together and were just laughing with me and I remember wishing the day wouldn't ever end. I'm looking forward to tomorrow because I'm going to be doing some leaf blowing and making giant piles of leaves for the kids to play in and see how well they take to it. I am so looking forward to this.

On another good note, I seemed to have gotten bitten by the holiday bug and I'm already trying to sort out my plans for Christmas. I've always gotten excited about Christmas, but I'm thinking this one could be the best one ever. I'm just about done putting together my lists of treats to bake this year as well as what I want to do with indoor and outdoor decorations, and then there is this year's special holiday photo's with the kids. It almost makes me a bit giddy when I think about it.

Well, I think this is enough time on here for me tonight, I need some sleep.

A Reason To Condescend

2007-10-30T10:37:00.000-07:00

Living in one of the worlds largest metropolitan areas often means that we will look down on people who live in more rural areas as being less refined, less cultured, and overall just plain stupid. It's not right, and it's definitely not PC, but it's a bit ingrained in the fabric of the culture in this area. Taken with a grain of salt, I think it's humorous--especially when you realize how easy it is to turn the tables on us "city-folk" and poke fun at our reliance on technology and our ability to to live practically on top of each other and never talk to one another.

But then there are stories like the one below, stories so silly and stupid that you have to laugh. The fact that it happened to a hunter, in Iowa, just adds fuel to the fire for us to condescend. You can check out the direct link to the Google search to find out more if you'd like, but here is the snippet from the local paper:

Dog Steps On Gun, Shoots Man

TAMA, Iowa -- A Tama man was injured when hunting dogs stepped on his gun. Officials with the Iowa Department of Natural Resources said James Harris, 37, was pheasant hunting with a group about three miles north of Grinnell when the accident happened.

Officials said the group had shot a bird and when Harris went to retrieve it, he put his gun on the ground and crossed a fence. As he crossed the fence, hunting dogs stepped on his gun causing it to fire.

Harris was shot in the lower left leg.

He was treated at Grinnell Medical Center and later transferred by helicopter to University Hospitals in Iowa City. His condition has not been released.

The investigation is continuing.

That last line kills me----The investigation is continuing!! My only knowledge of police investigation techniques come from watching movies & TV, so I accept my ignorant limitations, but really!! What the hell else is there to investigate? Motive? Whether or not the dog acted alone? Perhaps one of the other hunters or dogs were in on it? Maybe the dog was framed by a pheasant? Hicks!, ya gotta love them.

Clearification

2007-10-30T03:32:00.000-07:00

It has recently come to my attention that I may have been unclear to some people about a major development in my life, so I'd like to address that here in a bit more detail and focus solely on that for most of this post, which won't be long by any means. For the last two months, I've entered myself into a counseling program. The purpose of doing this is to help me come to terms with pent up anger that is tied to many unresolved events and issues from my past and present. If you're wondering, and weren't around when I was growing up during my childhood years, they were pretty bad, and downright disturbing at times. This is a trend that has continued into my adult life.

I've always been one to deal with stress and pressures on my own, with my most common tactic being to bottle up what annoys/angers/frustrates me and try to keep the peace. My success had aways been moderate, but enough to get by. In the last few years as stresses increased and family problems went on the rise, I began to lose the precious hold I'd had and my anger came out in large, mean, hurtful ways, each time while fighting with my wife

The first incident happened about 4 years ago now in which I beat down a door in two massive punches. I'm not talking about busting a door open either, since the door was locked into the frame, I took the entire door, frame and all, completely out of the wall; studs, molding, drywall---pretty much everything. The other occurred recently and it was the catalyst the tipped the scales and made me want to seek help. This one was a rather small scale fight between Meva and I that I completely escalated to extreme levels with some horrible comments and demands that I made while uncontrollably angry, but the worst part for me was that it happened in front of the kids. I vowed then and there to do whatever I needed to insure that never happened again. This is what brought in the counseling.

This has been a positive experience that has helped me to make better and healthier choices for myself. This in turn has had a direct effect in my dealings with others. At times it's been a validating experience, but it has also been challenging, frustrating, and exhausting. It's hard, but I intend to see this through.

In other news, my hand has settled down and the pain I feel is in direct relation to how active I must be in my daily life. I'll know more on Thursday (and have some disgusting Frankensteinesque pictures to share) about whether or not the infection has improved or gone away. It still hurts like crazy to type, which is why I have been silent on blogs and emails; at least compared to my norm. When I get the new cast on Thursday they're going try and shape it better so it interferes less with typing, so we'll see then.

No football talk around here for awhile------DAMN BEARS.

The triplets first semi-real Halloween is in two days, I totally can't wait! I am so stoked.

Word of the Day

2007-10-25T21:12:00.000-07:00

I stayed away from the news today so that I could calm down a bit, and that's exactly what happened, I cooled down a bit.

If I could assign a one-word name to today, it would most certainly be pain, followed closely by stupidity! I've been bothered by an enormous amount of pain due to my depression---- which really amounts to aches and pains throughout my body. Beyond that my injured hand has been about an 8 (out of 10) today, my back has been sore, and my head was killing me all day from banging it real hard into a cast iron box which resulted in my chipping a tooth and opening it to a nerve.

Yes, that was all on Thursday. Yes, it caused a great deal of pain. But the worst part was that I was alone with my kids, plus little Finn, so I couldn't allow myself to take the pain meds that I have because they make me sleepy and I don't like to be on anything other than my "A" game when the babies are involved.

So, if you were expecting a call from me earlier or were the one I hung up on when you called today and I fumbled with the phone and then accidentally hung it up and erased all my caller IDs, you now know what was going on.

I'm looking for a much more comfortable day tomorrow though, so wish me luck.

Sullen & Eneverated

2007-10-25T01:18:00.000-07:00

I really don't watch the news much any more, be it local or national due mostly to the lack of integrity these days and the awful blurring of news and promotion that attempt to slyly shill a commodity to me. I try to get my news from non-TV news sources like newspapers and Internet sites so I can at least stay somewhat in the loop.

Of late though I'm really getting pissed at a certain type of story that continues to make headlines with increasing frequency, and that's school shootings. Every time we show one on TV and go in depth with detailed accounts of victim suffering and the fear and chaos of the entire event all we serve to do is inspire the next one.

The media is preying on the public with these types of stories that identify the shooter and describe them in such detail that anyone watching who is in a remotely similar state or frame of mind can actually become much more encouraged to copy the actions they see because it will give them their chance to be heard, gain notoriety, and a measure of revenge against those people they feel have wronged them.

In essence, they are creating the news and as a society, we are too stupid, too self-absorbed, and too powerless to organize for the common good and denounce these yellow hucksters and ad revenue vampires for their own irresponsibility. There has to be a degree of accountability reserved for every editor, producer, program director, reporter, or news anchor who cover these stories.

It all just makes me sick.

To think that I would rather hear about the latest non-news story about the current celebrity slutlet over this really says something.

Sunday Sunday

2007-10-22T00:19:00.000-07:00

I spent most of today taking care of babies. Sarah and Perrin have a stomach flu and they are very clingy and very pukey. Of course my hand hurt like crazy today, but the kids come first so I had to lay off the pain meds so I could focus on them and be attentive to their needs. I'm just glad I didn't have to do this alone, having Meva with me was amazing. Without her, I'm just trying to clap one-handed. (No Pun Intended)

The writing is still difficult with this cast. I thought it would get better after a few days with it, but that hasn't happened. The typing is a bit easier, but as of now it's causing more pain to actually do this. Hopefully I can get a more functional cast on Tuesday when I go for my first follow up visit to the doctor.

This blogs nature has taken a real somber mood of late and I want to fix that. I still feel the need to write about my counseling issues and feelings, but I don't want to do it all here, so I've created a separate blog for that aptly called Head Games. It's not for the faint hearted or easily offended, but you're welcome to check it out if you'd like. I'll add a permanent link to it on the sideboard tomorrow if I have time.

The Bears actually won today! It was an ugly win, but I'll take it because we definitely need it. I'm afraid of what the team will look like next year because I'm sensing a downward trend that will need some rebuilding soon. Is it too early to begin thinking about the draft?

Last night truly sucked. My brother Lou came up to watch the kids so Meva and I could go to a Halloween party. He was less than 20 minutes from the house (it's an almost 2 hour drive for him) when Sarah started vomiting and I called him to cancel. He came anyway and hung out, which was great, but I didn't feel like leaving him with a cranky, pukey, sick Sarah, so I stayed home and Meva went to the party solo. Sounds like it was a good time for all and I'm sorry I missed it, but Sarah wouldn't let me put her down without some major crying. Thanks again to Louie, Ashley, and Mike for coming down for all that and dealing with my loopy ass from all those pain meds.

Speaking of pain meds, all this typing is killing me, or rather it was killing me. It's all kicking in now so I'm going to sign-off here while I can.

Confluence

2007-10-19T22:22:00.000-07:00

I think I've been open about how difficult the past week has been. To make things more difficult has been the pain in my hand and wrist and the cumbersome cast I've been forced to wear. Both of those items have severally inhibited my ability to get much, if any, writing done in any form. I'm trying really hard, but the pain medicine impairs my ability to think clearly, maintain focus, or even stay awake. Quite honestly, I hate this state I'm in and it makes me want to cry because my writing has come almost to a stand still.

The situation with my mother has been life changing in many ways for me and I feel like many areas of my past, present, and future are coming together and they are starting to shape me into a new person. Without a doubt this will anger some people, enlighten some other people, and in a few cases hopefully bring others closer to me. But more importantly I'm hoping for some evolving on my part.

I'm really not a big one on revelations, so forgive me the melodrama as this should be the first time you'll be hearing this, but I've been going to therapy on a weekly basis; trying to deal with issues I've had since I was a kid, and as an adult, and as a way to learn how to control and avoid my anger (If you've ever seen me completely lose it, you'll know why I want this). I've needed this help and I believe I am already using it to my advantage.

I will continue to use this blog as an outlet for my feelings, fears, and hopes. In conjuncture with my therapy, I'm looking for some healthy outcomes. I know that after the weekend I had dealing with the events surrounding my mother's health scare have caused me a great deal of pain and stress and I need to process these feelings and events. I'm seeing all of this as a confluence that needs sorting out so that I can move to the next stage of my life. It's the stage that makes me into the best father, husband, and man of character that I am meant to be.

Sick

2007-10-18T23:32:00.000-07:00

I spent the day down and feeling sick. My throat is sore from being on the respirator while I was under sedation for the surgery and I've got a fever to boot! My wonderful friend Colleen came over to watch the kids for me while I just took it easy and pitched in where I could (which wasn't too many places with the awesome job she did). My hand still hurt and continued to swell, but I think it improving.

Meva and I have a real babysitter coming tomorrow to help out so I can take it easy and continue to rest and Heal. But, I'm still feeling like crap, so I'm off to sleep.

The Pain!, The Pain!, The Pain!!

2007-10-17T20:22:00.001-07:00

It's been a long day here for me without a doubt. My hand surgery was this morning, and it seems to have been very successful, although we won't know for certain for a few months of observation and use. Right now though, I'm in a huge cast as you can see in the left photo and in some nasty pain. In addition to the regular trauma of the surgery, there is also a great deal of swelling at the moment. I have an appointment to see the doctor early next week to check on my progress and most likely out fit me with a new cast once the swelling has gone down.

The doctor ended up doing a completely different plan for fixing the hand. When he got inside he discovered that the arthritis was extremely severe, the damage was far greater than he had anticipated. As feared, there was no cartilage to cushion between the two bones, which resulted in grinding to the point that the grinding had smoothed the bone to the point of turning it into ivory. This is was a problem because he planned on fusing the two bones together, but they were now too smooth and it would not work as such. The solution then involved grinding both bones to a coarse surface and grafting a portion of another bone removed from my wrist so that the bones could be fused together. We went from fusing two bones to three. The bones are held together by a bunch of wires and screws. This is expected to take eight weeks to heal.

Previously, I was facing a definite loss of mobility in the hand as well as a decrease in strength, both would vary depending on the type of surgery that would be performed. Now that this new procedure was performed I have no idea what is going to go on. I hope to have more definitive answers after my appointment with him.

Today has been a very long and many times strange day. I am so completely not on my A game. I may not even be on my C game. That means there is a lot of slurring of words with long pauses between thoughts and statements and unsteadiness on my feet, which has only been exasperated through the pain medicine that I've had to take which is pretty darn strong, even for me. I think this weekend is going to be the litmus test for how I'm going to do throughout the whole thing.

The one real sad drawback has been my typing proficiency. Quite frankly it sucks butt. It took me an hour to type the first one and a half paragraphs of this, and then my wonderful wife, Mev, stepped in while I dictated. So if I'm slow in getting around to e-mails you know why. Wish me luck and I'll keep in touch.

Kinda Of In The Clear

2007-10-16T23:00:00.000-07:00

I got back from the hospital on Monday and my mother was off life support and on her way to recovery. It was a very intense and emotional weekend that I hope I never have to go through again. I'm still emotionally exhausted and beaten from everything and with my surgery to reconstruct my hand tomorrow I will have had a ridiculous week. Writing on the Veil has come to a halt, but I think I might be able to get back on it by Thursday. I think I'll be able to finish it on time, but we'll see.

For now, I need to sleep, but I'd like to thank everyone who sent me some well wishes and kind words. I appreciated the support and at times I needed it. Thanks again to all!

Reflections

2007-10-12T23:08:00.000-07:00

Getting straight to the point, my mother is still alive. She's in the ICU and she was given a breathing tube to assist her because she was doing so poorly. As of 1:15am she is in stable condition with acceptable vital signs and under sedation. So all things considered, she is holding her own at the moment.

For those of you that don't know, she has COPD, which basically means she has difficulty breathing. She's been diagnosed with this for a few years now, but unfortunately she hasn't been a good patient. She has ignored orders to stop smoking and she doesn't exercise or take care of herself. I'm not harping about that though, those were her choices, but they've led to her being where she is at what I feel is an early age of 58. She's always been well aware of all this, but continued to live that lifestyle. To say the least, she's stubborn!

My previous post early hinted that I might be mean or bitter and I thankfully wasn't, but I think I know myself enough to know that eventually you will be subject to a rant or more about this topic. Part of this stems from the relationship I've had with my mother. We've never broken off ties or lost touch with each other, but our relationship has been strained for many many years. We aggravate each other, and I'm often accused of being an arrogant ass and know-it-all, and those are some of the better days.

My current frustration with her though is very closely related to tonight's event. I've been politely after her for months now to switch her disability insurance from Arizona to Illinois because I didn't think she looked healthy and in my opinion she needed to have medical checkups while she was here. She fought me tooth and nail the entire time for reasons she'll probably never truthfully tell me, and now she's lying in a bed sedated and being forced to breathe.

To compound matters, she's previously stated she didn't want any types of resuscitation should her health fail, but she never had that put in writing and the medical staff at her hospital followed normal procedures. My sister Teri is flying in tomorrow from Arizona and together we're going to make the hard decisions depending on how she is holding up at that time. Tomorrow will be a tough day for sure.

While this drama was playing out we had some emergencies and problems of our own here at my house. Meva and I aren't too sure exactly what happened, but our dog Gus bit our daughter Sarah in the face and opened up a gash below her left eye that needed stitches! So here I was trying to coordinate and acquire information for everyone and make my way to see my mother in the ER, when Sarah needs to go for a visit herself. With it being a Friday evening, Meva and I figured it would be around a six hour visit as we wait for stitches, which because of my mother couldn't have come at a worse time.

Since Meva is a Physician Assistant, she could actually do this herself, except we're not in the habit of carrying sutures and sterile equipment around with us, even at home. So, Meva drove to her work and got everything we needed for this so that she could do the procedure herself here at home, thus saving us at least 4 hours. Once Meva got back, we put the boys to bed (it was already past their bedtimes anyways) and together we gave Sarah two stitches in her cheek right on our living room floor! Sarah is doing OK, she's a tough little monster. Our dog Gus however is on borrowed time. He's either going to live with Meva's parents or he's going back to the adoption agency we got him from (that was all a part of the adoption agreement).

But wait, there's more!!

Meva has a bad habit of not putting the cordless phones back on the chargers when she's done talking. Because it wasn't stressful enough to just deal with the above on its own merit, the phones were constantly dying and made the entire process more difficult than it needed to be.

Friday was also supposed to be the day Meva's mother came home from the hospital at the end of almost 6 months of treatment for cancer. It took us a few hours (and a Dr. Meva Medicine Woman episode) before we could even call, and then we had to limit the duration of the call to save the juice. It turns out she didn't get discharged yet. Hopefully that will happen this weekend--it sucks having both mothers in the hospital at the same time.

And to put a topper on the evening, as I was bringing Ryan to bed to tuck him in, I was holding him and giving him his normal extra hugs and kisses, he got sick and threw up all over me and himself while Meva was still on her way back with the stitches, leaving me alone to get puked on and deal with the clean up and the other two babies. Let me just tell you that I have been thrown up on quite a bit by the triplets since they all had reflux when they were born, but this was the absolute worst and most foul-smelling vomit yet. It was truly Exorcist quality stuff, so that required a nice unexpected shower for the two of us!!

But, that was my evening and that's how things currently stand with my mother. I 'll fill everyone in on more as I get the info and have the time to do it. Wish me luck!

Adventures In Being A Child

2007-10-12T14:34:00.000-07:00

I'm going to probably sound angry, bitter, and mean. It's not my intention, but I am extremely frustrated, angry, and a bit scared. My mother was just taken to the emergency room for problems breathing. I'm currently trying to find out the extent of her condition from the hospital, but I am of course on hold. I'm scared because I've been given some conflicting information regarding how she's doing and I can't trust the accuracy of the reports. I'll keep everyone posted with information as I get it.

Something Funny

2007-10-10T10:26:00.000-07:00

I'm still fighting the pain in my hand these days. I don't know if it's actually happening or if it's because I know relief will eventually be here after my surgery next week, but the pain seems to have increased of late. Just about anything I do with my left hand aggravates the joint and makes life difficult. If you know me personally, you know how much I hate taking pills, but I've been popping pills like Bret Favre at a vicodine buffet! It helps with the pain so I can do chores around the house and write, but it sure does make me an emotional dingbat at times.

I was tooling around the web and I came across a YouTube video that shows Will Ferrel actually being a comedic actor and not a personality. What makes it more funny to me was that he was impersonating the legendary Harry Caray. It started out a bit weird with his really good impersonation, but the longer you watch it the funnier it becomes, much better than Cowbell in my opinion. Jeff Goldblum is in the skit and you can see Ferrel totally dominate the scene and Goldblum is barely able to keep from laughing himself at certain points. Anyways, I thought I'd share it, so judge for yourself:

Anger

2007-10-09T10:58:00.001-07:00

I've been really pissed off a lot of late. It seems like the last few days I've been spending all my energy and skill just to hold it together and not to blow up. Keeping up with my writing has been very daunting through all of this, and despite some posts that I wish I had back, I think it's still going well. My biggest obstacle there is to get my writing finished before my hand begins to hurt and I need to load up on pain killers. My goal is still to post every day until the end, and until I see otherwise, I believe I can do that.

As for my current state of anger, I am able to keep it at a simmering boil just under the surface, but I have been known to unleash it at times. I don't expect this to happen, but if I shit on anyone, please understand and give me a chance to apologize afterwards.

Well, the Bears pulled off what I would have called a miracle in their win of the hated Packers. I say would have because of what the Cowboys did to win their game last night. Truly unbelievable to score 9 points in 20 seconds. It's a shame that no matter how well the Cowboys play this year, they will still lose in the Superbowl to the AFC representative.

Well, that's it for now. I have a lawn to mow and some more writing to finish.

One Of The Best

2007-10-07T00:01:00.000-07:00

Today was one of the absolutely best days I've ever had in my life. That's a simple, true statement that is totally without any hyperbole. We had our fundraiser for Perrin and the Chicago Hydrocephalus Association today at a very nice lake in Arlington Heights that I think was very successful. Out whole family came out to support our little Perrin, we called ourselves Team Fudd, and my Aunt Linda and my cousin Mary came out to support us and participate in the 2 mile walk around the paved lake. It's a tremendous and worthwhile cause.

But that wasn't it. While we were waiting for the event to get started, something finally happened that I've waited almost 40 minutes for; I went for a walk with my daughter Sarah leading the way in a nice playground and park setting. I was the daddy, walking alongside her, sometimes holding her hand, sometimes just letting her walk and run and just enjoying the sheer freedom of being able to move and go just about were ever she wanted to go.

I can't speak for other people, but as I was growing up and thinking about raising kids of my own, one of the images I had was walking in the park for the first time, watching my child walking and learning right beside me, laughing and giggling, running and failing, and loving me with all of her heart. The feelings were totally overwhelming and I don't know how I held back the tears, even now writing about it, it's hard.

I also got to operate a cotton candy machine by myself. God willing I'll never be a carnie, this was my chance to collect blown sugar on a spun piece of cardboard. It was fun and best of all it was free!!!

I also managed to take care of the blog template as I'm sure you've realized. It wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it was going to be and I owe it all to a blog I came across that spoke plainly and offered great examples of how to customize your layouts. The Hackosphere and I recommend it to anyone who isn't real good at html coding. The design isn't perfect, but Hackosphere taught me enough to feel confident to learn how to do more on my own, so thanks Ramani If you're bored with your blogs look, thins maybe the place to help you tweak it!

Well that's it. I took the day off of writing The Veil because my hand was hurting so bad I tore up on the pain meds for it I had finished today's post last night and I know what I'm doing next and I don't anticipate it giving me any problems. So, there you have it!

Changes Under Way

2007-10-05T11:18:00.000-07:00

For some strange reason, I can't format the template of this template any more. I've obviously messed with something and for lack of a better term, it's broken. It's sad because I really happened to like this template and I absolutely hate setting up new ones. I'm hoping to have this completed over the weekend, but we'll see.

Yesterday my hand was absolutely killing me. It was probably the worst day I've had with it that I can remember. I really hit the pain meds as a result of that, which meant I was pretty sluggish and a bit of a lump for the most part. I didn't get yesterday's Veil post up and running until maybe a minute before midnight. I really cut it close there, but even with the pain meds it hurt like crazy to even type. Today's not too much better, but I have so much to do that I'm holding out on the pills as long as I can.

The Cubs dropped another game last night, so now they're down 0-2 in the best of 5 series. One more loss and the season is over. I'm pretty sure that's going to happen Saturday unless they pitch Zambrano. We'll see. Either way I don't see them having enough talent to make the World Series. They're close, but just not there. If they can pick up another quality starting pitcher next year and another power hitting outfielder, I think they'll be set. But, we'll have to wait and see especially with the team up for sale.

Back to The Veil, I put a tracker on the site so I can see how many hits I get each day. It's a great one too because it gives me all kinds of other useful and interesting information that I might never had otherwise. It can tell me where the people who are accessing the site are located, when and how long they stayed, how they came to the site, and where they went when they left. It's a sad little "spy" thing I can do. It's harmless, but fun.

The reason I bring that up is because of two rather strange visits I received. In the story I used a local radio news reporter by name, Jackie Swike from Newsradio 780am. It was totally random and meant to add some local color to the tale. Well twice now people have been directed to my site from google searches for her. The strange part is that they have come from New York and Seattle! It led me to google her name and my brand new blog came up as the 5th choice, which is really pretty cool!

Well, I have today's installment to finish and I'd like to knock out as much of the weekend's installments as I can. At some point I'm really going to need to get ahead so I can compensate for my surgery here in the next two weeks.

The Veil

2007-10-04T10:37:00.000-07:00

It's been a few days now, but I managed to get my writing project, The Veil, up and running on time. For those of you not in the know, The Veil is a story that is a supernatural thriller set in modern times with a touch of horror. The structure is close to how they do the Fox TV show 24, in that each chapter I write takes place within an increment of one hour, although this will cover more than a 24 hour period.

The story is supposed to take place around Halloween of this year, so starting on October 1st I am making a post each day that chronicles one hour out of the story, from start to finish. I could say more about it, but I think it's easier to just visit and read it.

Meva, the kids, and myself are going to be participating in a 2 mile fund raiser walk this Saturday on October 6th to benefit the Hydrocephalus Association of Chicago. Perrin has his own team and his own website if you'd like to donate and help out. His website is located here. The Walk takes place at 1PM at Lake Arlington Park in Arlington Heights. I'm guessing the event will last about 4 hours or so. We've set a team goal of $500 to try and raise, so if anyone is interested in helping out, no matter how much, that would be great!

Let's see, sports wise this is probably not a good time to be rooting for Chicago teams. The Cubs are already down a game in their best of five series with Arizona and the embarrassment that is my Chicago Bears are playing this Sunday night on national TV against the Packers. I think that's going to be an ugly game, so I'll probably start the weekend off in a grumptastical mood!

For the moment though everything is going well and I don't have any complaints. My little buddy that I watch on Tuesdays and Thursdays is teething and a bit miserable at times, but today he had some real positive experiences of playing with toys and with my kids, and that is so wonderful to see. To be sure, he still cries an awful lot, but if I was in his shoes, so would I.

Early to Bed

2007-10-01T02:52:00.000-07:00

Yeah, that's something that absolutely hasn't happened yet for me today. Sleeping has been a real issue for me of late, and I think it's getting into a critical area. Over the last 4 days I think I've gotten about 12 hours sleep. Even when I take some meds to help me relax, my body just seems to fight it off and I still end up awake until the wee hours of the morning---just like now. Pretty soon, the migraines will start up again.

Well, the Bears lost and by all accounts they looked horrible! I was lucky enough to have to work today during the debacle, but I have it recorded so I can hurt myself later and see exactly what happened. I mean, 34 fricken points in the 4th quarter?? Taking away the 14 that weren't scored by the offense, that still means our defense let 20 roll onto the board. I don't care how many starters were injured and not playing, when something like that happens it's time to admit you aren't a top defense any more and you need to reassess your planning and personnel. And then there is the QB position. We benched Rex for throwing too many INT's the previous week (3) and guess how many Greise threw? I know the WR's suck, but this is ridiculous. How much longer until Kyle Orton gets his chance again? I am ready for him right now!

It doesn't look like it got any easier for me in fantasy football. I spent most of my week focused elsewhere and not paying attention to my teams, and I'm paying for it now. In every single league I'm in, I have either been thoroughly beaten up, or I'm about to be. I guess this just needs to be chalked up as one of those weeks and I'm best for moving on.

I'm still not in much of a mood to talk politics or current events, so I'll skip that in favor of what I've watched on TV this past week now that the new TV season has begun.

Old Favorites--- I watched My Name Is Earl and The Office on Thursday and they were both really good starts to the season. They both had some great moments and a few slow spots, but it was a great start for each of them. I thought Earl was a bit better, but The Office had me talking a bit more. ER was a bit of a let down. I still liked it, but I think it missed it's mark as to what it was hoping to achieve, but the show was still good. Heroes was the class of the season to date as far as I have seen. It's just plugging along pulling great plot threads and weaving in some great new characters and developments that I really enjoyed.

New Shows-- I watched Bionic Women and it was borderline bad. The dialogue was weak and the did a poor job of defining many of the characters. The show has some promise, so I'm not ready to write it off yet. Journeyman was a pleasant surprise. I really liked it and the characters were interesting, despite there being a very strong "Quantum Leap" feel to the show. But it did most every thing correctly, so I am looking forward to watching it again later tonight. Same thing goes with Chuck. It was put together well and I think it combined some different genres well to make it stand out from all of the other new shows. The show that really shocked me was Reaper on the CW. I thought it was going to be really bad, and it still might, but I had fun watching it and I think they did a great portrayal of the Devil--he was scary, evil, and vindictive, but he was also entertaining. Moonlight on the other hand was pure torture. It was a great idea, but it was just so poorly written and executed that I don't think this will last long at all.

Anyways, that's it for now. I have a chance to maybe grab 3-4 hours of sleep before the babies get up, so I'm going to go and give it a show. Wish me luck!

OUCH

2007-09-29T00:37:00.001-07:00

I had a really mixed day today. It started off great, playing with the three most beautiful children in the world. Afterwards I had a pile of chores that needed mu attention and that included doing a lot of work with my arthritic hand. From that point on the hand got worse and we all packed up for an evening at my aunt's house for dinner and a little bit socializing with my aunt and my mother. It went really well, but at some point I really pulled something in my back. And I mean I really hurt something.

At this point I'm not sure what and how much med I took (although I wrote it out somewhere) and I'm a bit tipsy. I'm still in pain and I'll probably take one or two more. I tried sleeping and it just wasn't working.

I have a new writing project coming up called The Veil It starts October 1st, so you definitely don't want to miss this. You can even head over now and see just a few things if you'd like!

And before I forget, you should check out my MySpace Profile. I just got it redone and I think it's freaking awesome!!

Time for my pain pills, wish me luck.

Seasons Change

2007-09-27T02:04:00.000-07:00

Now that Autumn is here, I think I may be the only one on my block that's still running his air conditioner regularly. In my defense it's been pretty muggy and I hate it when I get to feeling sticky and the air is thick. I just may run that thing until November.

The arthritis in my hand has been continuing to bother me to the point that I face every day with the option of limiting how much I do versus getting doped up on pain meds to combat this. I really hate having to take meds, so this is a situation that I absolutely hate. So I finally broke down and I called my surgeon to set up my operation for the hand. I won't know for a few more days, but the surgery will be either Oct 15th or Oct 17th. I imagine the recovery is going to hurt like nothing else has in a while, but if it can get me back to a more quasi=normal life, then I'd rather get it over and done with now.

I've had a rough couple of days counseling someone about homosexuality. I won't name names, but someone I know has pretty much come out to this friend of mine and it's a very tough situation for that person. I was pretty shocked at some of the opinions and positions that the person has about this because I thought the person was more liberal about this, but when push came to shove and the issue became a part of this person's life, their true feelings and thoughts came out. The encouraging thing is that the person really wants to do the right thing and to understand. I think that's the most important thing to do and I'm really proud of that person for taking those steps. It's very brave and it would be so easy to go the other way and act close-minded. I'm sure I will get frustrated to no end at times over this, but I think in the end things will really work out.

On a lighter note, thank God the Bears have decided to bench Rex Grossman after 3 games and turn the offense over to Brian Greise. He's nothing spectacular, but he has got to be better than the crap we've seen from Rex. With the Defense seeming to fall apart more and more each week with injury, something needs to be done to stabilize the offense and find a way to score!

Well, the pain in my hand that woke me up has been defeated by the meds I took, so it's back to sleep for me.

Haunted

2007-09-21T01:33:00.000-07:00

It's just after 3:30am and for some ridiculous reason I am still awake! I can hear the engine of my idiot hillbilly neighbor's car as he leaves for work, yet I can't get myself into a relaxed enough state to sleep. If I were 10 years younger I'd just stay up and trudge onward. LOL, too bad I'm not 10 years younger though.

Thursdays are becoming really tough for me mentally. I think I've said before that I'm now watching my friend's son during the day, and while it's a complete blast, having 4 babies around the age of 1 can be quite a ride! This cute little guy, Finnegan, is still getting used to be away from Mommy and watching 3 other giant babies crawl and walk all over the place (and over him if he's in the way) and I spend much time comforting him and protecting him from my three. It's such a drastic change for him to come from a house where it's just him with Mommy and Daddy to cater to him then to come to my house and he's the smallest and slowest of this new "pack" that he's slowly getting integrated into. He's a trooper and a good sport, so I think he'll get better and better each day he spends with us. But right now I give him lots of extra attention and love so that he's OK and as a result I have less to give to my three. Lucky thing for Finn he's damn cute and worth it all!

Let's see, my sister-in-law Missy is coming out for the weekend to visit a bit and attend a seminar for work. It's going to be nice to see her and spend some quality time with her. When we go to Ohio there is always so much going on and so many people around that I don't feel we get a chance to visit the way we'd like to. I'm looking forward to that and I think the kids are also.

I briefly met up with a guy I went to high school with the other day. I had some old computers and various parts to give away and he just happened to answer my ad that I posted on freecycle. I caught up with him a bit and unfortunately he just broke up with his girlfriend of a year and it has hit him pretty hard. I sure hope he gets through this alright. It makes me realize how lucky I am to have Meva!

Perrin is still doing well after his surgery. He has to get an antibacterial ointment put in his eyes twice a day at the moment and he is none too happy about it. Like all things I do, there is almost a Spartan efficiency in my method of tenderly restraining him and administering this that really pisses him off. All things considered he does well.

Big football game this weekend between my beloved Bears and the sanctimonious Dallas Criminals, I mean Cowboys. If our offense can at least be proficient on a college level, we should be able to handle Dallas. They're good, but our defense is really unbelievable and I think more than a match for them. Sorry carry, but your Cowboys are going down hard!

Well, it's time for me to put down whatever it is that's haunting my sleep so that I can get at least a few hours rest before I have to get the kids up. Wish me luck or it's going to be a murderously long day tomorrow/this morning.

Context and the Grid

2007-09-19T19:21:00.000-07:00

I remember being a little boy and wondering why the adults all sounded angry when they talked about the world. I couldn't understand why anyone would be mad in a world that had cartoons on all morning on Saturdays, chocolate chip cookies, and a creek I could play in all the time. Of course now that I'm an adult I know that the cartoons are now just glorified commercials, the cookies are going to clog my brains and give me a heart attack, and the creek was filled with harmful chemicals!

The thing that makes me think about this is all the stupidity about that guy who was tasered at a John Kerry function at the University of Florida. Events like are what I usually consider nonsense, and I pay the briefest attention to them when I see them, but I was instantly skeptical about the entire incident. Then I started getting these ridiculous emails and bulletins about how we live in a police state and the infringements of our 1st Amendment rights.

That is the shit that makes me want to just pull out my hair!! So, slightly enraged I watched this video and all I saw was that someone resisted being removed from a room and was tasered for failure to calm himself. The video doesn't start from the beginning as it's obvious there was more that had happened prior to the start of the video. Faced with just this alone, you can't make an accurate judgment of whether what we see is uncalled for or extreme.

All it took was some simple, and I mean very simple, research to find out that more did indeed happen, that this knucklehead has a history of staging stunts, and that he acted aggressively and erratically while in the presence of an elected Federal Official and easily looked like a dangerous person who needed to be removed. When he refused, and make no mistake the video shows he refused to comply, he was taken into custody. I wish I was there, I would have tasered him myself given the chance!

Having the right to free speech doesn't mean we can say anything and jump around and cut off other people while we verbally harass a US Senator at a public institution. We are less than a year from an incident where a college student goes on a shooting spree on a major campus. I think every officer involved acted prudently and gave the guy ample opportunity to avoid his outcome.

The problem is the average citizen in this country. We have become a stupid, thoughtless, and arrogantly ignorant society that allows itself to be pulled around with our eyes open and our minds closed.

And then there is the entire over exposure by the media of the latest OJ Simpson soap opera!!

Thank God we can now look away from Lindsey for awhile!

Seriously, this isn't only not the world I want to live in, it's also not the world I want my children brought up in. I'd miss many things, but more and more the thought of living off the grid becomes more and more appealing.

That's why I haven't posted here in a bit--- it just hurts sometimes to talk about what's going on.

Week 2

2007-09-16T18:51:00.000-07:00

The second week of the NFL season has hit and it looks like there were some fantastic games that took place. Scoring, defense, and incredible stories that kept you in your seat and glued to the screen. It's what makes the game such an incredible spectator sport, and when you add in fantasy sports to the mix, it creates a holiday atmosphere.

But I had to work! I missed the Bears unimpressive win over the sad Chiefs, the incredible 96 point game between the Browns and Bengals, and few surprising upsets. The worst part is that I sat at work kicking ass and ringing up big sales. I can't wait until I'm done with this job and I can have my weekends back.

My son will be having eye surgery tomorrow. He has strabismus, which is the crossing of his eyes. I had it myself when I was a boy and I had a similar surgery to correct it. With all the advances in medicine within the 35 years since I had my procedure, this should be cake for him. But still, he's been through a lot in his young life and I hate that he has to go through anything else, even one that is relatively safe.

I'm not int the mood to get too political or critical of society at the moment.......there's so much wrong and I can only write for a bit tonight. Maybe tomorrow.

20 years, where have you gone?

2007-09-14T20:58:00.000-07:00

Tonight I blew off my 20 year high school reunion in a manner that truly has marked me as a crotchety old man. It wasn't because I felt too poor, too ugly, or too unsuccessful. The reason I didn't go was that I felt it didn't come close to meeting my standards. My chief complaint being that it was cost $81 per person, for a buffet dinner. I don't know why it was this much or how they came up with $81 as opposed to $80? It's just a ridiculous idea for me to pay $162 for my wife and I to eat fried chicken, pasta, and roast beef sandwiches. We could go to a five-star restaurant in Chicago for that price. Had they just offered me a choice of under-cooked chicken, rubbery London broil, or limp & tasteless vegetables---I would have went. But paying 5-star money for a cafeteria meal? It's just not happening.

The sad thing is that I really had a good time at the previous reunion and I know that even as I write this, I would have enjoyed meeting up with people and catching up. But no matter how bad I think I might miss it, I have to remember that I really wasn't that social in high school and as such I don't have too much in the way of memories to reminisce about. I'm not really upset about that, but when I remember that I would be put into a banquet hall with people that for the most part, my only connection is shared school assignments, the perspective is finally gained.

In other news our house is now officially off the market and we're staying until at least the spring. I'm too tired to be disappointed about this turn of events and I'd much rather put my energies towards what may be the first memorable holidays for my children. As it is, I'm really already getting excited about Christmas!

It's late and I have to work, so this one is going to be short. I'll write more later.

Theivery & Vicodine

2007-09-08T12:45:00.000-07:00

Lately depression has been kicking my ass and I'd have to say it's got to be either something chemical or some deep-rooted issues from way back. I haven't been able to pin-point it, but overall things have been pretty good for me lately. And then I left to go to work this morning.

Sometime during the night someone entered our yard and tore apart the inside of my wife's car. I was on the verge of running late for work to begin with when I got to the car and saw that the thieves had went through the glove box and all the storage areas of the car searching for drugs as it turned out. They left all the change and our cell phone, but the emergency bottles of pain medicine that we keep in the car for when we travel was taken.

In no way am I naive about the area I live in or the times, but it sure does take the luster off of the neighborhood I live in since it was most likely one of my neighbors. Vigilance will be the new keyword around here.

Our house is still on the market, but for one more week only. We entered a real dead zone for awhile, but once we notified our agent that we weren't going to renew our deal to sell, all of a sudden we've had a spike in showings, with a high percentage of them being agents from the same office. Talk about a bunch of BS. If these are people that are honestly interested in our type of house, that's ok (but where have they all been?) but if they're just buyers that our office is trying to force our house upon now that they sense the end is near, that doesn't say a lot about them. It would make me wonder how well we were really being served. Anyways, I would be surprised if someone came through this week with an offer, so for all practical purposes this is over for now and it's time to focus on the family and the coming autumn/winter.

The NFL starts it's season this week, and my beloved Bears have to face a very tough San Diego Charger team tomorrow. I don't think the Bears are going to walk away with a win, the Chargers are that good and that explosive. I hope I'm wrong, but we'll have to see how things shake out tomorrow. Fantasy football wise, this looks like a real fun year. Counting all types of leagues, I am in about 8 different leagues and I'm loving it all. There are few times of the year that are as much fun as football season for sure.

Oh yeah. For those of you who know me, you'll know what this means and how big of a deal it is, but it's pumpkin spice coffee time!!!

Doing Well

2007-08-22T22:13:00.001-07:00

Meva and Perrin came home about an hour ago. The results from his CT scan were positive and didn't show anything to make us believe that his shunt isn't working!

WHEW!

Crisis

2007-08-22T18:59:00.000-07:00

I'm at a point right now where I am totally alone. I mean this literally, Sarah and Ryan are both down for bed and already asleep and Meva and Perrin are at the Emergency Room. Earlier today Perrin had an episode of vomiting that was unrelated to feeding, as it happened after a three hour nap and hadn't eaten in four hours or so. That's a serious sign that his shunt has malfunctioned and he needs brain surgery again.

Meva came home from work and took him in to have a CT scan and possibly more to check and see how things are going. It's been almost 4 hours and I haven't heard anything from her. The longer I go without some word, the harder this is to bare. For reasons that seem completely silly right now, we don't have a cell phone, so Meva probably doesn't have any way to get in touch with me and let me know how things are going. This has happened before, but it will not happen again I assure you.

So I'm sitting her alone, patiently waiting for some word and I'm not embarrassed to say I am a bit scared. As I know more, I will update things here.

Deportation Blues

2007-08-21T22:51:00.000-07:00

Last year Chicago was put in the national spot light when an illegal immigrant by the name of Elvira Arellano sought shelter in a church to avoid deportation back to Mexico. Even though they legally could have gone into the church and taken her by force, authorities decided to wait it out.

Mrs Arellano's complaint was that she wanted to stay in this country until her son was an adult. Her son is a US citizen, and he's 18. She repeatedly called for the government and the nation to have compassion for her.

Well, her story came to an end when she was dumb enough to leave the church and travel to LA for an immigration rally. Guess what? She was captured and back in Mexico in less than 24 hours!

I am so absolutely glad that she was deported. She broke out laws by illegally entering the country, and then falsified documents (such as illegally using someone else's social security number) to stay in the country. So we're all supposed to just ignore her disrespect of our laws and traditions just for her, when the money that she has cost this country in her deceptions and then deportation could have been used to feed or house an impoverished family, or fund an educational program, pay for college for a deserving student without the means to go on their own, or even pay for medical care for the elderly? Were was her compassion when she stole these opportunities from US citizens?

I am sensitive and compassionate about her quality of life in her home country, but we have rules and procedures for entering this country, she just chose to ignore them and break the law. I wonder how long it's going to be before we put up a brick wall? In my opinion, it's not soon enough!