Wham!!!! BoF!!!! Kerblaam!!!

Lately I feel like a punching bag. It seems like I just keep taken shot after shot after shot; too stupid, or stubborn, to go down. The last six months have been rough and I feel at the end of my rope at times. The littlest causes of worry seem to be going straight to my heaping pile of stress.

Today for instance, Perrin has an appointment with an orthopedic specialist to look at his bone structure to determine what type of help he might need for his walking. I was expecting braces and the like and possibly surgery, but what I got was that and a series of tests to rule of cerebal palsy, spina bifida, and a malfunction of his shunt. All of this is something I've been aware of ever since he was diagnosed with hydrocephalus, but for some reason they hit me harder than they probably should have.

This next week I'm planning on trying to focusing my energies and stress into my teaching resume and some applications and finally getting my massive amount of eBay items listed so that Meva and I can free up some space and I can put some money towards my special projects. Who knows, eventually I may actually have enough of a break and enough tranquility to do some much needed real writing.

The one good thing is that Monday is the actual start of the baseball season, with the Cubs playing their first game at 12:30. I am so looking forward to this distraction. The fact that the Cubs have a strong team helps, and it sure would be nice to see them in the World Series.

That's all for now kids.

Just One of Those Weeks

There were only two things good about this Friday was that I didn't get the 6-8 inches of snow that they predicted and that the week is finally over. It was just one of those weeks we all have that sucks.

I started the week really stressed out and having some insomnia and anxiety issues, which is always fun. It often leads to bouts of crankiness and exhaustion from lack of proper sleep. And did I mention it makes me a ball of joy to be around? I'll let my wife be the one who tells you about that bit of fun.

Both of the boys got sick early in the week, running fevers and cutting new teeth. So they don't sleep well, don't play well, and they want to be held all the time. Not a problem when you have one toddler, but when you have three. Lets just say that despite being a big guy, there is only so much room on my lap. I can hold two kids very easily, but when that happens the third child feels left out and wants in on the attention. I can do all three, but when this happens it doesn't take long for a fight to take place. Lots of fun there.

That was Tuesday, and by Thursday I had gotten the virus that the boys had. I really feel badly for them because this thing is weird and horrible. Its part flu like in that you're overwhelmed with exhaustion (which makes sense because I haven't done a damn thing since) and slightly achy. Then there is the swollen throat that unbelievably hurts and gives me a not even close to sexy hoarse voice, trouble swallowing, and pain at all times. Meva's not complaining though because it keeps me from talking that much, which she says is a rarity. The only thing that's really helping me is warm liquids, which seem to relax my throat and sooth things to a degree. I've mostly used coffee, since I like drinking it, but I think tomorrow I might switch to hot tea and see if that does even better.

Friday came around and it was the second straight night of having Ryan in bed with us because he wasn't feeling good and needed his dad to protect him. As much as I love him, I don't sleep well with him because he doesn't sleep well and I tend to him. So now it's been about 3 days of feeling horrible and I really started to look it and I was totally out of it. I hadn't showered or shaved, let alone combed my hair and as I was ready to put the kids down for their naps, Perrin's physical therapist arrived for his weekly session, which I forgot about and the house was completely nasty.

Poor Perrin has a hard time. Being sick he was in no mood for his workout and performed poorly. In the midst of things he fell down and smashed his face into the corner of the entertainment center and has a nasty red mark on his face. Then later in the day he fell off of our bed and landed right on his head. Normally he doesn't make a sound when he hurts himself, such as earlier when he bumped his head, but this time he screamed loudly and for a long time. With his hydrocephalus, it's always a scare and concern, so we're watching him closely and hoping he doesn't have any problems and need to have more brain surgery.

By this point the virus has spread to Sarah and she's now displaying her mother's charms when Meva gets sick, which is basically being tired and wanting to be left alone, until its time to devote everything to her. So now all three babies are sick and demanding attention and fighting among themselves at an incredibly pace.

Then, to add insult to injury, I decided I wanted to use a left over onion on a frozen pizza I was making and as I was chopping, I chunked right into the tip of my thumb and it bled for a long time. Meva has asked that I call her and let her know about these things in case of needing stitches, so I did, only to get ridiculed about my "little boo boo." I did exactly what she's asked me to do in the past, only to be teased and mocked!! She's so mean, I guess that's why we're such a good match and I love her so much. Besides, if I didn't call her and I needed stitches, she would have been cursing me all the way too and from work as she went to get stuff to stitch me up.

So in a nutshell my kids all got sick, I got sick, grimy, and lazy, and then I almost chopped off the tip of my thumb and dealt with insomnia and anxiety. Not exactly my most productive week, but at least it's over!! Now all I have to do is whip the house into shape for the Easter Dinner we're hosting. Should be fun!

Can't Sleep

At the risk of sounding like I'm in some type of manic mode, I can't sleep. Thoughts and ideas keep racing through my head and I've taken as much medicine to calm down and sleep as I dare to and yet I'm still awake.

This means I'm going to have another day feeling exhausted and unmotivated to get things done around the house. May all of this is because I'm not sticking up for myself and confronting some issues I have head on. I know they're going to be a hassle, so maybe that's why I don't want to deal with them. I'd really like to take a week for myself and go camping to find my center and recharge. Who knows.

On an unrelated topic, I really hate those stupid Campbell soup adds with the guy who can do nothing but slurp them like a meth addict. I get the point, but they're just stupid. I actually like Campbell soup, but I refuse to buy any more until that as campaign is gone.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing enough as a citizen and what more I could do to contribute to make my city, state, and country a better place to live in. Cynically it would be to start a revolution and remake the country into a better place---- but with my last name I will get shot in the head right away.

Drew Peterson is still in the news. Isn't that fucking fantastic! I guess it's much more important than talking about examples of all the good things people are doing? Interest rates are going down again, so I'm still benefiting from having an ARM, which is good sense I can't sell my house for enough to pay off the loan and my second mortgage.

And you know what else pisses me off===== Ribbon Magnets that people put on the back of their cars with their wonderful messages like "Support Breast Cancer Research" or "Fight AIDS" or something to that effect. I'll admit that I'm not doing enough for ANYTHING I've ever read on a magnet sticker, but come one, it's not like I'm rooting for Breast Cancer, or an increase in AIDS, or Homosexual Intolerance. Enough with the ribbons, that don't mean a damn thing anymore. I think at this point I would like to get one that says "Stop Buying Magnet Ribbons"

Well, I need to lay down and pretend to sleep. My son Ryan was scared and he's in my bed, so I can at least cuddle with him and relax, maybe enough to sleep.

Slowly moving forward

Since my father died I've been slowly trying to get a grasp of my life and move forward in a direction that is productive and satisfying. Doing that won't be easy and I'm sure it will cause me some major difficulty down the road, but the one thing I have come to see is that I deserve these things.

Writing is still the number one priority for me on a daily basis. I've been sluggish in selling things to finance a new laptop so that I can write in peace and quite, but I am moving closer to making this happen. I've actually begun sorting through my comic books and preparing them to be sold on eBay. In addition to the comics I have an off assortment of books, baby items, and games to add to this list in hopes of affording a laptop that will allow me to write and manipulate graphic files for my comic book assignments.

For now that's all I really have to talk about, with the exception that I am looking to restarting my comic book blog to discuss all things comic books. So that will be a fun undertaking.

Loss, Grief, and Thanks

During the day on Tuesday March 4th my father, Lou Cicirello passed away. After a long bout with cirrhosis and emphysema in early February he broke his femur and he eventually succumbed to a heart attack, stroke, cancer, and kidney failure over this last month. His pain and suffering is now over and he is finally at peace.

The last week has been intense and stressful while we watched over him these last few days. In many ways this has been one of the hardest times I've ever been through in my life. I say that because through out it all we were left with trying to honor him, his memory, and his legacy. It's even more difficult to do than it sounds because it is so important to us that we worked hard to try and make sure we were doing the right things. I think he would approve of what we've done.

In dealing with these final days, I want to make sure that people know how absolutely devoted his son Lou Jr. was to him and our mother. He took on a mountain of responsibility in seeing to the big picture and the day to day needs of our parents. I don't think you can count past one hand the number of days he didn't check on and spend time with him over these last 4 or 5 weeks. Whether it was staying with him through the night, taking charge of the medical issues, looking after finances, doing the little things, organizing the end events, or just being there for our father and our mother, he selflessly gave of himself and his time to make sure our father was as comfortable as could be possible. He was my sounding board and companion as I went through this. I will never be able to adequately express the gratitude I have for all he did, and he did it well.

My other brother Cecil was instrumental in offering me a solid ground of reason, and logic, and love during this time. I knew I could turn to him and get sound advice, input, and observations about the situation and anything relating to it. I could rely on him to see the forest when I only saw trees. His contributions and support can not be overlooked.

My friend Colleen, who I sometimes refer to as my second wife, was simply amazing and outstanding throughout everything, specifically since the heart attack. She juggled her very busy schedule and made herself available at short notice to babysit my triplets so I could spend time with my dad and help out Louie in whatever small way I could find. To know that my kids were being watched and cared for safely and properly was a tremendous asset and gift that I don't think I can ever fully repay. She has been an absolute blessing to me in my time of need.

And finally I come to my wife, who may have accomplished the greatest task by putting up with me the entire time. That can not have been easy and I'm lucky to have her watching my back. She was ready and willing at any time to talk to me and be my rock of strength and support when I was grieving, or unsure, or just having a hard time dealing with the situation. She gave me patience and love in amounts I can't believe I deserved.

I wouldn't have made it through this without any of them, and others also offered me help and support during this time too. Whether it was just a kind word or an offer of help, I appreciated everything everyone did for me and my family.

This outpouring of support and dedication from family and friends exemplified the values and beliefs of my father. These are the kinds of actions that he taught me were the way to treat our family and loved ones and everyone has honored him by doing so.

Letting go is a hard thing to do, but knowing the fantastic support network I have and am a part of tells me that I will be able to do this and get on with living a life that he would be proud of. Thank you all.

An Update

My father has continued a downward slide with his health and at this point it's all about making him comfortable until his last day.

He spent almost a week in the hospital and it was determined that he had a massive heart attack and that his kidneys had also taken great damage. His body is so weak and damaged that the doctors have decided they can't do anything to save his life and that doing further tests will only serve to traumatize him as well as be in vain. We suspect he also suffered a stroke, but that is one of the tests the doctors don't feel is worth running as they won't be able to treat it.

So as of right now he is recovering from the heart attack, is in liver failure from cirrhosis, kidney failure, emphysema, lung cancer, COPD, and he has a broken femur. Like I said, at this point it's all about keeping him comfortable and without pain as much as we can. He is currently on a consistent program of morphine and he's back at the nursing home.

It has been understandably tough on all of us and I've had good days and bad days. The ones that affect me the most are when he's in a lot of pain or just completely out of it and afraid. I think seeing him afraid is the hardest one for me because he was always such a large figure to me that its a devastating paradigm shift.

My brother Lou and I are both ready for him to slip away and for the pain to end. He has told us both that he's ready to go and doesn't want to be in the condition he's in. We're going to miss him quite a bit, but in the end we'll be happy when his suffering stops. We just hope that peace comes for him sooner than later.

Progress

I've been spending much of my time the last few days at the hospital visiting my dad or trying to help out my brother in any way I can. We've gotten tests back that have determined that he had a heart attack and some kidney problems. Hopefully we'll know more soon. As of now I am heading back to the hospital to spend the night with him, so I may be out of touch for a day or two.

Be safe everyone.

Reflections & Observations

I've had far too much "color" in my life of late, so much so that it has interfered with my ability and desire to write in any form. The "Color" I'm talking about comes from the normal phases of life that we experience ourselves and in watching others. It's not always easy to say which is the least painful to experience either.

I'm not of the disposition to blunt my words, which is my way of telling anyone who reads this that I am liable to forget the normal censor I use to filter my words on this medium. There are those that will read this and not fully understand my meaning due to the presumptuous tone of my writing tonight, most of them will be my immediate family, so let me speak plainly and say that I am of a mind to piss off some people with my comments.

My real father, by all accounts and history, is a real piece of shit as it relates to his responsibilities to myself and my sisters. When light is cast upon the truth of his work as a father, his lies, deceits, apathy, and extended absences are held naked for all to see. He is just another sad example of his generation that has only offered me crumbs of wisdom, genetic material, and a shining example of how a father should never behave. It is important for me to recognize and accept that through no actions or faults of my own, he decided at an early age in my life to cast me aside and build a new life that did not include room for me. That places me in an all too large fraternity.

Unlike most of my fraternity brothers, I was fortunate enough to have received an angel to fill the void that my own father declined. I often think I fell ass-backward into this, but the important aspect is that I was able to find someone who had the kindness and passion to take me under his wing, and at times into his home, and treat me like a son. That was no easy trick either. As a child I was difficult, troublesome, and charismatic enough to spread my mischief to others. Despite this, my friend Louie's father shepherded me as part of his flock.

There were times when I was out of line, far too many as most young boys are, and he was there to reign me in through lecture, example, and brief banishment when it was warranted. Throughout the years he gave me stability, inspiration, motivation, and love when I was alone and neglected by both my father and mother. And he did all of these things through his own steep trials and troubles. He often had very little for his family, but he always made sure there was something for me if I needed it.

Like all of us, he had his faults, but they seem so minor and unimportant now. What he gave to me far outshines any deficiencies that may have existed in his character. Despite the odds, he and his wife showed me the importance of family in ways that I was not shown by my own blood family. Throughout my life, it was he that served as my father. During the important and also the troubling times, he stood larger than life and supported me as he would his own sons. I am forever grateful to him for taking the time to just show any interest in me and my well being when he could have easily turned his back on me.

But I sit here tonight conflicted with love and sadness as he approaches death's door. To be sure the man is stubborn and a fighter, but we all must succumb to our final curtain call. I don't know when that will be, but I expect it won't be much longer. I will miss him and mourn him far more than I will the man who gave birth to me. Big Lou may not have brought me into this world, but I truly believe he kept me here and kept me grounded.

To me, that is the man who is my father. Not the pretender and genetic donor who turned his back on me and placated me whenever I tried to reconnect with him. Lou Cicirello is my dad. He is the one who was at my wedding, took part in the lives of my children, and used every thing he had to push me to a better life than he probably even dreamed of. The important milestones of my life have all been touched by him and as a result, I will never be the same.

It's true what they say about not being able to choose who gives us life, but there is no rule that says you can't choose over or choose another. However you explain it or however you want to rationalize it, I am damn lucky to have had him in my life.

I Dream of Asphalt

We got almost a foot of snow in the last day, and I was out shoveling around midnight last night and then again this afternoon after it had stopped. I had a friend tell me there was no way I could convince him that there was a benefit to shoveling snow while it was still snowing. To that I say, it's much easier to shovel a couple hundred square feet of six inch snow on two occasions than to try and do the same thing with 12+ inches of snow. Southerners---they'll never understand.

Anyways, that was a lot of snow and I'm not ashamed to admit that one, I still enjoy shoveling snow and I had a good time doing it, and two, I am completely exhausted. Unfortunately this snow was wet and heavy and my back and arms are sore. But there's something about looking at the driveway and sidewalks and knowing that I cleaned them completely of the snow and ice. Yeah, I guess I am sick huh? The only thing I wsh was different was that I didn't have a gravel driveway. Shoveling show that's laying on a bunch of rocks is a big pain. If I had a blacktop or concrete drive then I could easily shovel it in less than half the time it takes with those rocks. My shovel is one of those "snow movers" that you can get behind and just push tons of snow all over with it. The part of my driveway by the garage is asphalt and it takes me no time at all to get it cleared. Ah well, maybe one day.

Not too much going on otherwise. It's been a hectic week for me just trying to keep up with the kids. It seems like they are getting more and more rambunctious as the days go by. I am constantly stopping them from taking things they shouldn't have, going where they shouldn't go, and doing things they shouldn't do. I long for the days of the triple 2am feedings sometimes. The worst part is that I'm still 5 months away from the terrible twos. I don't expect to make it through the summer!

I love the smell of Mud in my Campaign

I spent the day recovering from my attack on insomnia. After too many days with poor sleep, I turned to science and medicine to get a good nights sleep and I took 1 Rozeem tablet. It's the pill with the commercials with Abe Lincoln, a talking beaver, and a deep sea diver. Well, this shit is the Devil's medicine! That one little pill knocked me out for almost 11 hours and even after I was up it took almost two hours for me to feel normal again. Pretty powerful stuff. I slept hard, reportedly smacked my wife in the face a few times, and had a long series of vivid dreams that shouldn't have been connected, but some how were. I think I'll be saving those pills for emergencies and times when I can sleep in a bit.

I commented previously about the dander rising in the Democratic debates between Clinton and Obama. They were both throwing barbs back and forth, essentially attacking each other's integrity. Unfortunately for Hillary, she made a comment about Obama being connected to a "slumlord" in Chicago named Tony Rezko. She of course defended her actions as a "counter attack" but as so often has happened when a Federal politician named Clinton gets in the news, the past has a way of coming up and casting dispersions upon their morals and integrity. Hilary was on the morning network news programs talking about the campaign and Matt Lauer asked her about the photo, to which she gave a great answer that I believe is probably the truth, but it's vague and predictable enough to cause the common voter to pause. The picture itself looks like it was taken during Bill's presidency and is probably just a photo from a fundraiser or visit that the Clintons made. She says she doesn't remember taking the picture or evening knowing him.

Her and Bill probably had their photos taken with thousands of people since entering the national scene at different democratic events with tons of people they didn't really know. But for her to question Obama's integrity by mentioning him connection to this guy by name, and then saying she doesn't even know what he looks like is a bit of a stretch. If she knew enough to mudsling with his name, then she knows what he looks like. Come on. And if she's full of shit about that, it makes you wonder what she really knows and whether her or her husband took any money from him, whether directly or indirectly.

Yeah, the mud smells sweet when you can just sit back and watch it fly.

Annoying

Being a stay at home father has been a real paradigm shift for me in terms of how skewed our society is towards men as parents. If the stereotype of a father is not viewed as absent or negligent, then the best we can hope for is to be labeled as lazy, uncaring, or incompetent. Many times it is all of them combined together. This doesn't even include the fact that stories, advice, or services for the "stay-at-home" parent are almost always geared towards women. As I've said before here on this blog, I am one of the smallest minorities in this country as a result of this.

For most of my life I didn't care what the rest of the world thought, but as I increasingly ran into people who became upset, offended, angry, enraged, or hurt by comments and assumptions I made whether in jest or ignorance, I began to change my actions and comments to suit our increasingly thin-skinned society. It has gotten to a point that no matter what your intentions may have been, you are always wrong if you don't ignore all stereotypes and immediately embrace the highest pinnacle of qualities a person possesses (or potentially possesses) regardless of race, gender, age, or any other factor you want to use.

But in all this Rah!, Rah! politically correct age of bullshit enlightenment one group has been allowed to be maligned, smeared, and ridiculed as frequently as anyone else desired. This group I am talking about is men, most often white men, but generally it's OK to attack, insult, or belittle us.

Are you gay? Well, we won't stand for anyone making fun of you for that? Are you black? Then we will not tolerate any assaults against you in any form!! Are you Jewish? A senior citizen? Maybe even a friend of Bill W? Then we will protect you--- as long as you're not a man!! Then it's OK to say things about you that we would otherwise balk at if that came anywhere near us. And if you happen to be a father, then we'll double our efforts and use the broadest strokes of our brushes to besmirch you and your character. But be warned, if you do it to women or mothers, even in defense, then you're just an asshole.

So, this annoys me!

On Tuesday, some "broad" in the multiple parents group Meva and I belong to passed along a joke that was very long winded and meant to be funny about how men are thoughtless, lazy, stupid, sex maniacs. It was meant as a joke, but it just pissed me off to know end. So much so that I replied to this entire group, which consists almost entirely of women, that I found the email offensive.

I'm sharing this because in my little rant, I came up with a twist and turn on the stereotype for women that I am rather proud of because like most stereotypes, you can find support for it if you look hard enough, but it's mostly ridiculous and I aimed it at this group of women, who for the most part use the multiple parenting group as a mothers social network (and there's nothing wrong with that). So to this group I referred to women as:

"nothing but self indulgent, image obsessed martyr bags of hormones and gossip!"

Meva and I laughed at that until it hurt. I say that because if we laugh too much right now our chest colds act up and we start coughing like crazy.

But anyways, all of the above annoyed me and I felt much better (and tremendously pleased at my attempt at being witty) after having said that.

Anyways, that's something for everyone to think about and laugh at. And if you still aren't laughing, just laugh at me, I'm an easy target. I am a white male parent after all!!

Danger! Danger! Danger!

I've been doing some thinking the last few days, which is always something my wife says should cause everyone around me to be concerned. As it is past 4 am while I write this, I am prepared to admit I am suffering from some serious insomnia. Just like I said in my last post, I'm getting little sleep, I'm up all hours, and I find myself growing more and more restless and listless at the same time. As I've tried to find a cause for this new behavior and a way to combat it, I think that I may have finally come up with an answer tonight while writing on my other blog.

Basically I think my problem stems from an inability to write. If you don't write, then that will sound silly, but if you're someone like myself who feels compelled to write everyday, then you'll understand how damaging it can be to feel as though you're being held back from creating. The current set-up here at home no longer is working for me, with my desk right in the middle of triplet central and between the TV and my wife's computer.

Meva and I talked about this before and I've been saving up trying to get a used laptop so that I can go into another room for some piece and quiet and pound away at the keys. One of my ways to raise the money for this is to start consolidating my collections of books and other items I know longer use and put that money towards my laptop. I've left that as a lower priority, but I think I need to raise that up and focus a bit more on this so I can make my laptop a reality, so eBay here I come!!

In the real world the Presidential race is starting to narrow down, which always causes the remaining candidates to try and make themselves stand out and inevitably the mud starts getting slung all over. We're entering put and shut up time and they no longer have the luxury of talking out of both sides of their mouth on every issue and they're going to be forced to let some of their real intentions and plans out for the public to judge. This is where it all gets exciting and I think I'm going to very much enjoy this race.

Time for some Zzzzz's.

Messes

That little ball of fun to the left has become the newest member of my rogues gallery. That is an enhanced image of the rhinovirus and I've been battling it for what seems like weeks. Basically it's the virus that is responsible for the common cold, or something like 90% of all colds. At this point I'm pretty much past the fevers, chills, and sinus issues, all I have left at the ridiculous congestion and coughing symptoms. I say that because of the severity and unusual pattern that they follow for me. I'm usually fine when I wake up and don't have any coughing whatsoever, but then a few hours later it hits me like a train out of no where. I can be busting my hump around the house or with the kids or just taking it easy and reading or watching TV. When this happens the coughing is just nasty and painful. Everything starts breaking up in my chest and it feels like I'm trying to exhale small shards of glass It can last 10 minutes up to a few hours. The only thing that helps me is taking hydrocodeine for a cough suppressant, which is basically vicodine. I end up taking these pills 2-3 times a day and right before bed because I've been waking up in the middle of the night in one of these coughing fits. Well, the damn thing is getting weaker and weaker, so hopefully it's on the way out.

Other than dealing with the plumbing issues in the laundry room, I haven't been able to do much around the house or even write as I rest and try and get through this. It's a shame I don't have a TEMPORARY extra Meva or two for around the house. She herself has been fighting it off and working real hard around the house and at work. Between the two of us the house is a mess and in a state of disrepair. About the only thing we've accomplished is watching some DVD's and the NFL Playoffs. I've also rekindled my love affair with the Dick Van Dyke show. There's something about the simple, yet likable characters and stories that I love and appreciate. And you can't help but enjoy the talented cast and writing that I truly think was ahead of its generation. One of the local non-network stations airs it twice a night, so I'm enjoying it while it lasts. I would have to say that it really is one of my favorite TV shows, right up there with Frasier, WKRP, and The Office.

The last mess I've got is a bit of a doozy. I wouldn't call it insomnia, but I am having some difficulty sleeping. I find I either can't get to bed until it's almost morning (or actually morning) or I wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep for several hours. It's definitely not something that 19 month old triplets are very sympathetic to the next morning. Meva and I aren't sure if it's something I'm doing (like too much caffeine late at night), a side effect of my depression medication, my depression in general, or if its not a warning sign that I might be bi-polar. My therapist seems to think there is some merit there also and wants me to look into that also. I can tell you despite the early tests I've done for this, I am probably going to be a very difficult and bad patient when it comes to treatment . I'll expound on that more as I know more.

Lastly, all of this has really begun to hamper my ability and even desire to write, even here on the blog. I instead find myself distracted by facebook or countless mindless games. I really need to get back into my projects like Toy Chest and finishing up the Veil. That project is almost bursting to come out at times, yet I'm having a hell of a time finding that groove. I really wish I had a laptop so that I could go into a nice quiet place and start banging out pages. I don't need anything fancy, just something with microsoft office and the ability to connect to the web for images and research. Looks like it's time to hit the old eBay store and start cleaning out some closets and putting things up for auction.

Well, it's much too late for me, as usual, so I'm going to try and get a few Zzzz's in before the triplet monster rears its ugly head!

The Root Of My Problems

Well, we had the plumber come out and attack my problem with the laundry room drain pipe problem. As I suspected, that drain was blocked. What was surprising is that the blockage was a network of roots that had trapped years of lint. I say it's surprising because there isn't a tree or bush anywhere near this area that the drain pipe is in. That means the roots are from an old tree that was removed before we bought the house or they are from a huge oak tree over 100 feet away. In the end, we paid about $500 for them to do this and replace some pipes and give us no guarantee that the problem is solved. The washer is working, so for now we're happy. Once I get back to working full time, we might go for a more drastic solution to this. Saturday morning begins the tearing of the drywall and the bleach moping of the entire laundry room!! Yeah!

I think I've entered another one of my manic episodes because I find myself wired and sleeping aids to be of no help. While I would like to sleep, my mind is just racing around and unable to settle for me to relax and sleep.

For no real reason, the last few nights that I have slept, I've had a recurring dream that Meva and I are in a plane crash in the Canadian Wilderness in a small plane. We are the only survivors and Meva has a broken leg. The rescue attempts have been called off because of a developing storm that is starting out as ice rain and turning into a snowy blizzard that will soon start bearing down on us. I then spend the next several hours in survival mode trying to make sure Meva is comfortable and building a shelter to protect us from the elements. I always wake before I finish and as of yet we've never been rescued, although one dream featured me getting help from hundreds of badgers who had dubbed me their god.

I made it through the week with sick triplets and Meva and I under the weather. It was rough and I really feel like I need a vacation. In all honesty, it may have been one of the more challenging weeks with the kids I've ever had. As big as I am, even I have trouble hugging and soothing three babies on two shoulders!

The political race is starting to heat up seriously and due to the precarious nature and importance of this race, I want to be more informed than I have ever been before. That means I'll probably start spouting my radical views here from time to time, but it's important for all of us to do the right thing and stay informed as to what is going on.

Hopefully I can get my laundry room set in time to get to my brother's house for the football games. I plan on being there for both the Seahawks vs Packers and the Jaguars vs. Patriots game in the early evening. Those should be some good games.

One thing I had the misfortune of suffering through this week was watching daytime network and local TV because I spent much of my time holding babies. There are far too many court TV shows on! I hate them all, and the people who appear on those shows ever more. I'm beginning to wonder if these people don't just immediately leave the stages of Jerry Springer and Maury and then appear in front of short tempered judges for additional legal humiliation. I'm almost tempted to watch soap operas, but I will gladly watch Bob the Builder in their place!

Stay-at-home dad of triplets, I am the last true minority in this country!!

I Hate My House

Anyone who loves pain and has been a frequent visitor to this blog knows all the headaches my wife and I have gone through and overcome in regards to our house. You can see were this is going right? More problems!! This time it involves, flooding, mold, and a clogged drain.

The drain pipe in our laundry room has clogged so that every time we run the washing machine it backs up onto the floor. We discovered this from the overwhelming smell of the mold that has built up along the drywall on the floor. So tomorrow I'll be having a plumber coming out to fish through the clog so that the washer works again. Afterwards it will be the fun hobby of ripping out the drywall and drying everything out, and then scrubbing it all down with bleach before we redo the drywall and repaint.

I wish we weren't broke as hell so I could just hire a contractor and have them do all this work. It's not that it's all that difficult, but time is the more precious commodity and I'd just as soon see someone else take care of it while I did other things that are pressing as well.

You know it's been a wild month when a bunch of tornadoes come rolling through the region in January. I feel for all those people who got smacked with this due to the uncommon weather, but I don't want to hear people telling me it's all due to global warming. It happened in 1950, and probably happened hundreds of times prior to the keeping of weather records. Don't get me wrong, I believe that we have some serious greenhouse gas issues, but it's not to blame for everything.

All three of the kids are sick too. The boys are the worst off and they are very clingy. This is one of the most stressful times for being the parent of triplets. These poor little guys are so sick, and feverish, and just all over miserable that most of the time they just want to be held. The house has pretty much become a disaster area as I give them the love and attention they need and try to hold my sanity together. It's not always easy, but so far I've gotten through it.

Not too much in the way of good news to report, although things really are good for us overall. I have great kids, a wonderful wife (although she is lacking in football enthusiasm). You basically count your blessings and focus on what you have.

Getting Back On The Saddle

The Holidays, as much as I love them, sure do seem to sap much of my energy from me. It didn't help having that friendly little cold over New Year's either, but it beats getting poked in the eye with a stick.

The weekend has been very relaxing and slow. Of note my wife and I watch The Bourne Ultimatum and Vacancy. I loved Bourne in the theaters, and I was really surprised with Vacancy. I don't usually go for movies of that type, but it was suspenseful and it never got too terribly out of hand or control. It's biggest asset is that it's a story that could conceivable happen (although probably not at intricate or complex) and it's that knowledge that sits at the back of your head as you watch it. Anyone who has ever traveled along out of the way places and stayed at lonely generic motels will instantly be able to relate to the setup of that movie. Again, nothing fancy, but it was definitely a good movie.

With the NFL playoffs here that means a few things. First is that my beloved Bears have the same seat to the games as I do, and second that the fantasy football season is over. In total, I was in 6 leagues this year and I won two, came in second in two more, and the other two I just tanked. At least one of the leagues I won has some money as a prize, so I'll be getting a nice donation to my laptop fund here real soon!

My hand is really starting to feel good here and once my wife and I get the house back in shape I'm going to be going full steam ahead on the writing. I've already started going over The Veil and plotting out how I want that to go. Since I've been on this hiatus, I'm going to to a recap and put some special links on the side to make it easy from anyone interested in starting over, to do so.

Well, it's now so late that it's early and I should have been in bed hours ago. Be safe everyone.

Welcoming The New Year

My buddy Cary marked the New Year that he still had his fingers and toes. For that matter alone, I am glad to see 2007 behind me. I spent the latter part of the year in pain and in a cast due to my arthritis in my left hand. 2008 has rung in with my hand out of a cast and in a splint!! That's just awesome.

We had a great New Years celebration, despite a nasty cold taking root in me, at my brother's house. I of course didn't drink, but I didn't get home until 4:30am. I was beat, but I had a fantastic time talking with my friends and family without any worry of getting home and checking on the triplets. I have to give a big thank you to my mother and father in-law for allowing us to have a very rare treat that night.

There's not a whole lot going on lately. As the year gets in gear I'm preparing to finish my last assignment for my Master's Degree and looking to get back into teaching again after this school year. That's important because it will take away some of my time for writing as I prepare resumes and applications. It sucks, but it's a necessary evil for my family.

That's about it for now folks.

A Moment To Breath

Christmas was great! We continued our tradition of reading T'was the Night Before Christmas with the triplets. This year we gave them hot chocolate in their bottles and I read the the story while they drank and tried to take the book from me. It was cute and probably my favorite highlight of the holiday.

All in all it was a very nice and low key event. My brother Cecil and his wife Sarah came, along with his mother Vera, who I consider to be a second mother to me. Everyone was extremely generous with their gifts to the kids, as they always are. We're very blessed in that regard and I would trade them for anything, I'm just proud and happy they are a part of my life.

Unfortunately there were two blips on the day that made it rough. I forgot to take my ulcer meds for three straight days and as a result the wonderfully tasting pot roast my wife made gave me no end of problems and I had to cut my eating short and let things resettle for a few hours. Then for the third year in a row my youngest sister brought her chaos into my life by calling (actually it was her husband) to ask us for gas money to get home. From my aunt's house. Meva and I toyed with the idea of not even exchanging presents this year because money is so tight, so she was barking up the wrong tree.

Last year this sister almost spent Christmas in jail and Meva and I bought and (for the most part cooked) a complete Christmas dinner for them (I think it was meant to feed about 12-14 people) by buying the turkey, a ham (I think), a bunch of sides, pies and cakes, and a bunch of cookies and fudge. If I'm not mistaken the year before that she didn't have money for Christmas gifts for her kids and was scrambling a few days before Christmas trying to borrow money to get presents.

Even though I know this will be read to my mother (which is fine), I don't think my family realizes how much this type of behavior effects me and gets me down. I love my sister and her kids, but she point blank doesn't live her life respectfully or responsibly and it makes me crazy, angry, and lugubrious. And that is only intensified when I think about her kids. In the end it causes me to be so depressed that I actually physically ache. Unless you suffer from depression, you can't understand exactly how this happens. It of course carried over into today, and if it weren't for my wonderful babies, I would have slept the entire day away.

Not too much else going on that I have much to say about. The always frustratingly fun Best/Worst of lists or the year are all over the place now. Overall I guess I like them, but sometimes it's kind of sad to see just what exactly we've let become important to us.

Again, TV sucks, especially daytime. Without cable, I am stuck with the basic local channels, so all I get are judge shows (they all suck and are redundant) and talk shows. Most of them are also filled with the dregs of humanity, so even the guests aren't interesting. I will share the sad state of my TV affairs to you all so that you can laugh with me (or at me) when I admit that watching Martha Stewart or Rachel Ray are the only shows I watch during the day--- that or the PBS kids shows!! (That Wendy on Bob the Builder is a babe in disguise!).

TV at this time of night (2amish) is equally as bad. Infomercials and Poker After Dark are what you get. I think I'd rather listen to Top 40 radio or Rosie O'Donnell. If it didn't make me so agitated I would just drop to the floor, instantly asleep.

Tomorrow I visit my bone specialist and hopefully I'll be coming home without a cast, but with a splint. Just being able to take it off to bath or let my hand and wrist breath would be wonderful and hopefully I can get back to work.

Can't Sleep, The Penguins Will Win!!

Since Thursday night my wife thinks I may have entered into a manic state due to the fact that I've slept about 8 hours over the last three days and I'm really not too tired or dragging my tail. Usually when I don't get enough sleep the migraines start flying at me at an incredible speed. Thankfully that hasn't happened yet, which is really weird.

I was adjusting my cast today when I heard and felt a nasty pop from the area in my wrist that they did the bone graft on for hand surgery. It hurt quite a bit afterwards and my hand has been more sore than normal as a result, especially in the area I has the pins sticking out of it. Everything just started acting up out of the blue. I hope this isn't a bad sign because I really want to get this cast off and move into a splint. We'll have to see how that goes.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and I'm really excited about spending it with the Triplets and giving them a hot chocolate bottle before we put them down with a telling of The Night Before Christmas. Meva and I have done this every year that we've been together and it's now part of our family tradition. Last year we drove home early so that we would be able to get the babies down (the were less than 6 months old then) and we sat on the floor of the nursery in the dark with a flashlight and softly read the story out loud without waking the kids. I know it's corny, but we'll never forget it.

Exterminated

Sometime around the end of October I got slammed with some nasty Malware on my computer through a comment someone posted on my MySpace profile. It was one of those nice ones that pretends it's Windows and tells you that it has detected spyware on your computer and you need to remove it to protect your computer. It is even nice enough to provide you a direct link to a site that sells a spyware removal program ranging anywhere from $25 to $99. The "company" that makes this program is the one that has infected your computer. I think the term that tech people use for this type of Malware is Smitfraud.

Anyways, I got one and I have spent the better part of the last two months with limited computer resources as I tried to isolate the bug and exterminate it. The final piece was a damaging file that hid itself within my firefox browser and took away all my links, distorted my display, and created a leak or something that forced me to manually shut the program off through my Windows Task Manager (pressing Ctrl+Alt+Delete). To say I was frustrated and annoyed would be an understatement.

But this morning I got a lead on where to look and after a lot of digging around, I found the file and deleted that sucker. Everything looks to be back in working order and I am a very happy man once again. I hope this means I'll be able to post and resume my normal computer activities.

It's late and I should already be in bed, but I just gad to share this bit of good news!