Clearification

It has recently come to my attention that I may have been unclear to some people about a major development in my life, so I'd like to address that here in a bit more detail and focus solely on that for most of this post, which won't be long by any means. For the last two months, I've entered myself into a counseling program. The purpose of doing this is to help me come to terms with pent up anger that is tied to many unresolved events and issues from my past and present. If you're wondering, and weren't around when I was growing up during my childhood years, they were pretty bad, and downright disturbing at times. This is a trend that has continued into my adult life.

I've always been one to deal with stress and pressures on my own, with my most common tactic being to bottle up what annoys/angers/frustrates me and try to keep the peace. My success had aways been moderate, but enough to get by. In the last few years as stresses increased and family problems went on the rise, I began to lose the precious hold I'd had and my anger came out in large, mean, hurtful ways, each time while fighting with my wife

The first incident happened about 4 years ago now in which I beat down a door in two massive punches. I'm not talking about busting a door open either, since the door was locked into the frame, I took the entire door, frame and all, completely out of the wall; studs, molding, drywall---pretty much everything. The other occurred recently and it was the catalyst the tipped the scales and made me want to seek help. This one was a rather small scale fight between Meva and I that I completely escalated to extreme levels with some horrible comments and demands that I made while uncontrollably angry, but the worst part for me was that it happened in front of the kids. I vowed then and there to do whatever I needed to insure that never happened again. This is what brought in the counseling.

This has been a positive experience that has helped me to make better and healthier choices for myself. This in turn has had a direct effect in my dealings with others. At times it's been a validating experience, but it has also been challenging, frustrating, and exhausting. It's hard, but I intend to see this through.

In other news, my hand has settled down and the pain I feel is in direct relation to how active I must be in my daily life. I'll know more on Thursday (and have some disgusting Frankensteinesque pictures to share) about whether or not the infection has improved or gone away. It still hurts like crazy to type, which is why I have been silent on blogs and emails; at least compared to my norm. When I get the new cast on Thursday they're going try and shape it better so it interferes less with typing, so we'll see then.

No football talk around here for awhile------DAMN BEARS.

The triplets first semi-real Halloween is in two days, I totally can't wait! I am so stoked.