This Week Can Only Be Better Than Last

Last week I wrote about what was a very miserable Monday I was having, culminating with putting my foot through the season. I should have relished those moments because as it turns out it was about the best day of the week for me. The lady to the left is my mother. It's the only recent picture I have of her, and it is over a year old. She was suffering from COPD and Congestive Heart Failure. Her health was slipping slowly, and she was in and out of the hospital and ICU several times over the past year, often it included being put on life-support to get her through the event. Well, the very next morning she passed away at about 6:35am. I try to keep things topical here, so I'll continue that. I had stopped speaking to her over a year ago about some things I felt very strongly and I had made the decision that it was best for me and my wife and kids. It wasn't an easy decision to come to, but it was the right choice to make and I stand by that decision. I can't think of anyone in my family that supported me; I'm not even sure anyone respected my right to make that decision.

So as she passed, things have gotten very dramatic. It's been tense with my family and emotions are very raw. For me, even though this was something that we all saw coming, it's been more difficult that I would have imagined. I'm running all the normal gambits of losing a parent, even if we ended on the outs, and although I expected that, the intensity has caught me off guard. The other thing that has gotten me are the memories.

Whether I'm awake or sleeping, they come flooding to me out of nowhere. Bad ones, good ones, things that make little sense, things I hadn't thought of in years, and things long forgotten. It's exhausting and turns my mood and thinking into places without my control. And when you mix all of that with the issues with my family, it's been an incredibly tough week. If you want to know more, you can read my more personal blog.

I guess I'm putting this up so people have a bit of an understanding or a deeper understanding as to where I am at right now and what I'm going through. So if I appear flaky or you aren't hearing from me as usual, you know why. I'm blessed to have such a fantastic wife and three of the most exceptional children to help me forget things for awhile and remember to smile and feel good about myself,