Tonight I'm marking the end of 2008, which by most people's measures would be a rather shitty one due to losing my Step-Dad and then later my Mother. Although they didn't surprise anyone, knowing they will be dying soon and then living with that baited anticipation isn't much comfort and doesn't make things much easier.
Yet with their respective passings and the sorrow that comes with the realization that, no matter what your relationship was with them, you won't get to see them, hear them, or hug them again; what I find is that my mind seeks out the fondest memories and events that I shared with each of them. Sure there were rough times, but they are what make celebrating their lives and achievements special and motivating if you take the time to make it a part of yourself.
In a nutshell (can two paragraphs really be succinct enough to fit in a nutshell??? That's one big ass nut if it does!!) that really sums up what 2008 was for me. I got past challenges and watched my life blossom from the bad moments into the good ones. My son Perrin, who will always be my hero because of everything he overcomes each day, is walking better and has a chance (with hard work) to walk just like any other kid. He's tough as nails and I wish I could have half the zeal he does for life, but I suppose we could all say that about every two year old.
The funny thing about tonight and about this post is that I could care less about New Years Eve. It's an arbitrary marking on a political calendar that has no other significance than being the last in line. I kid that I have already become a crotchety old man, and maybe there is some truth to that, but the older I get the more I realize that marking the passing of one year and embracing a new one isn't as important as being aware of present and how precious our moments are.
To that end, I sent my wife off to celebrate our friends at a party so that she could unwind with out having to worry about the kids being there and just be an adult, a woman, and a friend. I put the kids to bed as I normally would and I now have the house to myself, which is itself a treat. I intend to spend my rare evening alone writing and maybe just relaxing and watching a movie. Just having the chance to work on some projects I have been neglecting is so exciting that at times today I had to distract myself to avoid being overly anxious.
So, if you're one of the handful of people who pop in here and read my rantings, I want to wish you a happy evening and the presence to enjoy the moments as they come. While it's impossible to move forward without knowing our past, its also too easy to get lost in either or both. Seize the moment and smell the roses......or whatever the hell that smell is that comes from the back of the refrigerator!
1 comment:
Hey Chuck, thanks for the comment. And as for your post, I am too home while family is elsewhere, but only because my stomach was still reeling from last night's attack. But it's all good. I watched Hellboy II and just chilled.
As for the arbitrary marks of time passing, I agree that precious moments are more important, though I still do enjoy the passing of the year if only for the get togethers and celebrations. Plus even though it is arbitrary, it still provides a good excuse to make some changes or pretend to commit to resolutions. lol.
Anyway, I hope we all have a better 2009 without all the heartache 2008 brought.
Enjoy your night, bro, and I'll talk to you next year. :)
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