Exhausted

I woke up this morning exhausted and with a very sore back. It's stiff and will probably take a few hours to loosen up, so it's not big deal. But even though I slept for over eight hours, I feel like I could sleep another four or five. For some reason on Thursday night, I was unable to sleep at all, despite taking something to help, so at about 4am I gave up and decided to call it a day.

We've got family coming over for a final holiday get together today. It's my brother Louie and his wife, granddaughter (yeah, the young kid is already an old fart!) and his mom, my step mother. Potentially my other brother Brian will be coming too, but he is a little sore and may not make it.

Yesterday his wife took him out and told him he was going to the park, but when they passed the park he realized things were wrong and she instead took him to the doctor and got him fixed. The poor guy has a weekend ahead of him that includes cuddling with a bag of frozen veggies! But, since he had the same procedure and doctor I had for my vasectomy, he very well may be up to coming over. I was fine for mine and regretted taking the weekend of of work at the time as I felt fine for light, normal activity. So, we'll see what happens.

Many people know I keep another blog, semi-private, that I use to deal with my depression and stresses from the more volatile relationships in my life. As I've gotten older I've learned more about myself and I know that depression is unfortunately something, probably chemical, that is a part of me and I will have to always fight it (until I am really old and then it's the nurses problem! Hahahahaha nurses, you're in for trouble).

I think I have mentioned it here before, but I decided to stop treating it with medication and have instead chosen to focus on fighting on my own. For those who don't know, or don't understand this type of behavior and choice, what it means is that I've decided to just be strong willed and vigilant about my behaviors, and when I notice that I am starting to slip into depression-type behavior, or even thinking, I follow a mental checklist of exercises that are both mental and physical, to combat this.

The reason I bring this up here is that one, I think I have been VERY successful with this decision, although I have been far from perfect during this learning stage. Despite the deaths of my step father and mother, I think I have pulled through very well. But, as I am moving through this last round of fighting off the depression, something has sparked my interest and I fully intend to investigate it and probably embrace it. I hope that it doesn't change me too much, but I know that change will happen and others may notice it in me and begin to wonder, so I am taking the time now to explain it.

I have decided to heed to call of Jehovah and become one of his Witnesses so that I can spread the word of his teachings and importance in all our lives.


Ok, I'm kidding! That will NEVER happen. I hate knocking on strangers doors and I am not passing out that stupid pamphlet of theirs called "Watchtower."

What I am talking about is Zen philosophy. I think that it may help me to keep a handle on my emotions and keep myself at peace. I don't think I am going to be wearing monk's robes (although they do look comfortable and are like sexy pajamas for big guys) or anything, but I want to treat this seriously and that will mean changing much of how I look at life. That is bound to change me, but I'm more interested in integrating it into my life of triplets, sports, and comic books and not the other way around. So, we'll see how this goes.

Anyways, that's a heads up for you all. Enjoy the first weekend of the year and get some sleep.