It's Coming

Slowly but surely I'm beginning to get anxious about turning 40 in a few days. Aging doesn't bother me and I'm not feeling like I've missed out on parts of my life or youth or I need to do certain things before I can't. There's not going to be any illicit affairs (unless Peri Gilpen comes calling, but I have Meva's permission on that one, just as she can answer Brad Pitt's knock on the door!); feats of strength, courage, or stupidity; or ridiculous material purchases to compensate for my age. I will not be living any lifetime movie roles.

There are two things that do bother me, and they've caused me so much stress and anxiety that I'm not sleeping (despite meds to help with that) and I'm constantly nauseous and headache ridden over these last three weeks. It's to the point that I think it is starting to manifest itself physically. Each day there are new and stronger aches and pains and when I have time to myself I feel like I am racing, where I get flushed, feel overheated, and at times my hands shake. It is annoying and I'm hoping that once I pass the Saturday milestone things will calm down.

I feel compelled to talk a bit about it, but I don't want to make this a downer of a post. Mostly I just worry about how things are right now compared to how I'd prefer my life to be. So if anyone thinks I've been distant or quite of late, I apologize. My mind has been full and conversation and patience have been in short supply of late. I promise to work on this and make noticable change in the very near future.

But for those that don't know, my son Ryan is already busting my balls. I don't mean this figuratively either. The little shit managed to step on my left testicle (that's about 40 pounds of solid toddler crushing on me) before getting startled by my initial cries of pain which caused him to get scared and drop to his knees. Guess where those said knees landed???? Yeah, that's right, if they weren't already snipped and taken out of commission, they'd be broken now! I spent three days walking gingerly and having to take pain meds for this. Big Ouch!

I want to try and find something positive, so on the plus side of things we had an absolutely gorgeous day today. I had just a small taste of fun raking up excess gravel from my lawn that I shoveled into the grass with each accumulation of winter snow. As I raked it back onto the driveway, I began to think about all the work I would soon be able to accomplish as spring arrives and the weather turns to something much more hospital for lawn and yard care.