Being a stay at home father has been a real paradigm shift for me in terms of how skewed our society is towards men as parents. If the stereotype of a father is not viewed as absent or negligent, then the best we can hope for is to be labeled as lazy, uncaring, or incompetent. Many times it is all of them combined together. This doesn't even include the fact that stories, advice, or services for the "stay-at-home" parent are almost always geared towards women. As I've said before here on this blog, I am one of the smallest minorities in this country as a result of this.
For most of my life I didn't care what the rest of the world thought, but as I increasingly ran into people who became upset, offended, angry, enraged, or hurt by comments and assumptions I made whether in jest or ignorance, I began to change my actions and comments to suit our increasingly thin-skinned society. It has gotten to a point that no matter what your intentions may have been, you are always wrong if you don't ignore all stereotypes and immediately embrace the highest pinnacle of qualities a person possesses (or potentially possesses) regardless of race, gender, age, or any other factor you want to use.
But in all this Rah!, Rah! politically correct age of bullshit enlightenment one group has been allowed to be maligned, smeared, and ridiculed as frequently as anyone else desired. This group I am talking about is men, most often white men, but generally it's OK to attack, insult, or belittle us.
Are you gay? Well, we won't stand for anyone making fun of you for that? Are you black? Then we will not tolerate any assaults against you in any form!! Are you Jewish? A senior citizen? Maybe even a friend of Bill W? Then we will protect you--- as long as you're not a man!! Then it's OK to say things about you that we would otherwise balk at if that came anywhere near us. And if you happen to be a father, then we'll double our efforts and use the broadest strokes of our brushes to besmirch you and your character. But be warned, if you do it to women or mothers, even in defense, then you're just an asshole.
So, this annoys me!
On Tuesday, some "broad" in the multiple parents group Meva and I belong to passed along a joke that was very long winded and meant to be funny about how men are thoughtless, lazy, stupid, sex maniacs. It was meant as a joke, but it just pissed me off to know end. So much so that I replied to this entire group, which consists almost entirely of women, that I found the email offensive.
I'm sharing this because in my little rant, I came up with a twist and turn on the stereotype for women that I am rather proud of because like most stereotypes, you can find support for it if you look hard enough, but it's mostly ridiculous and I aimed it at this group of women, who for the most part use the multiple parenting group as a mothers social network (and there's nothing wrong with that). So to this group I referred to women as:
"nothing but self indulgent, image obsessed martyr bags of hormones and gossip!"
Meva and I laughed at that until it hurt. I say that because if we laugh too much right now our chest colds act up and we start coughing like crazy.
But anyways, all of the above annoyed me and I felt much better (and tremendously pleased at my attempt at being witty) after having said that.
Anyways, that's something for everyone to think about and laugh at. And if you still aren't laughing, just laugh at me, I'm an easy target. I am a white male parent after all!!
3 comments:
you're not the first stay at home dad I've known, and the other dad I knew belonged to a stay at home dads group that met to support one another since there isn't much support for men out there... I bet you could find a group on yahoo if you looked. Maybe that would be worth pursuing.
And for the record, I tell everyone about you and how you're the best parent for advice I know. Talent is talent regardless of genitalia.
that was hilarious! and SO true! i've know a few of those martyrs first hand and i can tell you for fact that's just the stone cold truth. so screw em. i say offend at will. you can't please em so why even try. we're too ate up with the whole PC nation as it is. we NEED to get back to being a little offensive. it's what gives us our edge.
As someone raised by a single father, I know what you mean. When my mom failed at her life and sent us, on 24 hours notice no less, to live with my Dad, he was asked by one of those well meaning clueless "Mom-ists" who was going to cook and clean and take care of the kids? It was inconceivable to her, as it is to many people, that a father is as able a parent as a mother. Its everywhere around us. Look at the shitcom Home Improvement. The father, like so many TV fathers, is a bumbling moron, incapable of performing as basic a household task as folding a sock. Its absurd and its offensive. Imagine a show that showed women ironing on the copier at work? Offensive? Ridiculous? Absolutely, but a man welding shut the dryer door is comic gold, because men are, according to mass media and common conception, incompetent parents. What's more, Dad's who do work to provide for their family are no better off. Because their contributions to the household involve, necessarily, being in the house less often, they are often seen as uninvolved. Never mind that the fact that there is a house for the household to occupy is a direct result of that time away from home, now we have a neglectful workaholic dad. Ten years goes by, and he is derided for never being around, divorced, decried, and left to angrily parent by monthly check when his rights are systematically disrespected in "family" court. Its all fucking ridiculous man, and good for you for staying home with the kids. Fuck those silly bitches that can't or won't repect you as an equal parent. Fuck the whole lot of them, because at the end of the day chuck, you are a better parent than most of us have ever had, and a role model to me as a father.
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