Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Return of the Grubs

It's been quite a few years since I've seen spring fail so miserable to gain it's foothold from winter! While the temperature is more to my liking right now it does prevent me from getting outside to work on the lawn and yard. My perennial battle with lawn grubs and what seems like a bazillion different types of weeds seems to have lost ground over the winter and I can already see more grub patches than we had last year. Fun stuff for sure!

Meanwhile I had to fire Ryan's occupational therapist today. There's really not much I can say that was good about her, she was consistently late for appointments, rescheduled or canceled appointments almost weekly, and I honestly questioned her skills and knowledge as an OT. The state of Illinois provides services for children who need them and our kids qualified based on being premature at birth, but this coverage lasts only until they turn 3, at which time the local school district takes over. So I tried to wait these last four months for this transition, but today was the last straw. With her gone though I am hoping to feel a little less stressed.

Over the weekend I took some time and wrote a very short review of a comic book. Despite the comic book being brutal, I really enjoyed writing the review and made realize how much I have missed talking about comic books in general. I think that I'm going to bring back my comic book blog, The Comic Book Observatory. It's really long over due and something I've neglected now for almost two years. As things begin to heat up with my comic book writing, I think this is a good time to start it back up, so look for that to relaunch at some point this week. Once I do I'll mention it here along with some news about the future of things.

Tonight I'll actually be visiting my father. Unfortunately it's happening because he's in the hospital with pneumonia and some other issues. We've been really working on our relationship the last couple of months and he was planning on visiting my house and meeting the triplets for the first time before this setback. Hopefully he'll feel stronger and up to a visit.

That's about it for now. I need to go and make some bread dough.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Still Going Weak

The kids seem to be on the mend, feeling better, playing and just being 2 yr old's. On the opposite spectrum is me. I'm feeling worse than yesterday, but if the kids can stay feeling better, then that might make today better for me overall. If only I didn't need to go to Sam's Club today life would be sweet and I could just sleep when Meva comes home. That will have to be put on hold until I finish the shopping. But then I get to rest. Until then I'm hoping to work on my eBay solicitations as I've fallen behind lately and need to get more up there as well as ship out on package today on my way to Sam's.

In the meantime, enjoy this graph from Graphjam.com. It's what would happen if I was the only one who bought clothes for the triplets:

Thursday, March 12, 2009

One Hundred Times Three

We've had cold bug bouncing around the house seemingly since November. It's been more annoying than anything else; giving us sinus issues, coughs, and the typical aches and pains of a cold. It comes and then goes away for a bit until someone else picks it back up and passes it back around. Just normal winter crap.

Monday Perrin broke down with a low fever and runny nose. He just layed around most of that day and the early part of Tuesday. He seems to have bounced back just fine. Wednesday morning Ryan woke up hot, flushed, and caked with snot. He was absolutely miserable to the point that he layed on the sofa all day yesterday and didn't once get down to play. I had to fight with him to push liquids and he hardly ate. Despite alternating Children's Tylenol and Ibuprofen every few hours, the best I could do with his temperature was 101.2.

After their naps, Ryan stayed the same and Sarah joined him. She woke up real hot and flushed---and I mean REAL flushed. Her temperature spiked to 100.3 and by the end of the night she had perked up and was back to playing.

But prior to the end of the night, I had my hands full trying to comfort too sick kids and then placate the one that wasn't sick. Poor little Perrin just wanted some attention and I feel bad I couldn't give him more. But overall he was so good and very helpful, he makes me smile.

After having Ryan sleep with me last night because he kept waking up and crying, he woke me at 6:00am this morning. I kept him quite for almost two hours before getting him up to start the meds again, getting him something to drink, and then putting him back down with Meva. That's not going over too well though as I keep hearing him cry and call out for his Daddy! I'd go out back in there and lay down with him except my sinuses are all jacked up. One side is stuffed, the other one is runny. My head is pounding and I ache all over. I just took my temperature and I'm now at 100.4.

It is going to be a LONG day (Meva works until 8PM) by myself with at least Ryan and I sick and hopefully no one else. On a positive note, the kids have started to appreciate Batman. They like to watch Batman cartoons (not as much as Word World or some of their others) and they call it "Batman: Crash!" because he beats people up and they "fall down and go crash." DC comics animation came out with a new Batman animated movie, and I won it for $.01 on ebay, and it arrived yesterday! So we'll all get to watch that today. If I can find the strength before Meva leaves for work, I'm going to make some more ham rolls so we can all just snack and eat them throughout the day and not have to cook much beyond that.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

A Blast From the Past

Sometimes when I think about my children and the changes I've made and continue to make in my behavior so that I can be a better role model I realize that I am only masquerading and that I will never truly change. Instead I've become and actor; taking on the role of "Dad" in the longest movie ever produced.

I was thinking about this last night after talking to my friend Michelle. Some how we got on the subject of farts briefly as conversations can often turn silly when late at night over a cocktail or two or three or...........well, you get the picture! So, I told Michelle I had a good fart story, which if you'd read this blog awhile, you know I do. For those of you who are new, let me present a repeat of what I should probably start calling Gasterpiece Theater.

Anyways, here is a story that I have used to cheer myself up from time to time. It also reinforces the theory above that I will always be acting. Anyways, here is something I first wrote about last April and I present it in it's original entirety; enjoy:

The last thing I want to do is talk about my continuing struggles with depression and all of the drama in my life because quite frankly, it just serves to feed the fire. To that end, I thought I would talk about something that is near and dear to my heart, something that anyone who knows me is familiar with on levels that are hilarious and repugnant, often at the same time.

I'm talking about flatulence. Farting. Dropping Stink Bombs. Now if you don't know this about me, I guess you'd have to call this a TMI situation, but I'm going to operate along the lines of sharing is caring, so stick around.

Through my wife, I've learned to love a bargain despite hating to shop. She'll be the first to tell you that I can often find some great deals. This past Christmas season was no exception, and when it came time to replace my entire holiday lighting for both the indoors and outdoors, I jumped at the chance; lured by the cruel mistress of "up to 70% off."

My object of affection this time were LED lights. They're brighter, prettier, and use up less energy, so how could I not like them? Now was my chance, and I headed over to American Sales to see just what they were offering. I have to admit, it was incredible. But saving money isn't always a sexy story, and neither is this one because it spotlights and comments on the nature of this thrifty, money-saving section of our society.

For the first time in my life I fell in the path of senior citizens, armed with their AARP discount cards and motorized scooters rushing for gaudy Holiday decorations like they were elixirs for eternal life. I tried as politely as I could to pick and choose the right mixture of colors and strands of LED lights in the ridiculously narrow aisles they provide. To make matters worse this sales discount had created a euphoria that totally destroyed any order to the stock on the shelves and the extra stock above the shelves. Everything was chaos, strands of lights by the caseload were laying open and scattered on the floor, trampled on and impeding any chance for an orderly flow through the aisle.

I took my time in trying to describe this environment because as I entered, it was already filled with silver hair and OPS looking for lights and trying to understand this new fangled technology (LED lights). I already knew the amount of lights I needed and the colors I wanted, so it was just a matter of trying to find them.

So what does this have to do with breaking wind? I'm getting there. First off let me extol a bit on my prowess in this department. I've never been sure if it's a gift or a curse, but I was born with a proficiency for quantity and potency. In high school my notoriety was so bad that my gastric emissions were assigned levels with names such as :

Class 3 Lingering Death Bomb--- These stayed so long they signed a lease.
Class 2 Silent Assassin--- These were the ones you never heard but always felt.
Class 1 Roaming Vapor--- You couldn't run fast enough or far enough to escape these.
Class 0 Internal Devourer--- Affected only me and damn near ate me away from the inside out.

Now a days we just say someone has IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) but as a youth I was good enough to not just go pro, I had serious hall of fame potential here. Whether you needed me to warp vinyl or clear a room, I was THE MAN.

And I've gotten older, so you know how things stand. My wife will attest to this (last night she slept on the couch just based on my recommendation).

So here I am, gingerly trying to maneuver around people who probably won't be alive next year to enjoy the shit they're buying, doing my best to be polite and wait for them and not push my way past them. But I kid you not these were some of the nastiest people I have seen in quite some time. They were seriously scolding me for taking a box of lights that they "had their eye on," telling me I was rude for even trying to take a box of lights 5 feet from where they were since they were still shopping.

But it got worse from there. They began to bully me and push me out of their way. I know, you're thinking I'm grossly abusing hyperbole, but let me assure that I am not. I would literally reach for a box of light bulbs and have a 60ish or 80ish old man or woman push my arm away, or actually use their entire body to knock me and block me out of the way of my selection and push me further down the aisle.

One thing I've learned is that I'll always lose an argument against the AARP crowd when it comes to retail situations, so I backed away and strolled the store until they were finished before trying again. But guess what? This didn't just happen to me once; of no! This happened again and again and again with different sets of people. I'm not making this up in any way. Part of the reason I don't think I acted sooner is that I was shocked and in awe of the belligerence I was experiencing. I am definitely not used to being a victim of physical abuse.

The long and short of this is I was mad, really mad. I wanted those lights. I love Christmas and I enjoy decorating the house in all the bright festive colors and getting into the mood of the season. It was still about a week before Christmas and these nasty old people were displaying some of the most selfish and ungiving spirits I have ever witnessed. But considering the age difference, the obvious diminished health, and their nasty demeanor, I was impotent to really confront them. But again, I hate shopping and I wanted those lights, I needed those lights. Next year would be the first year my kids would be excited about Christmas decorations, and I wanted some nice bright lights. So I used the only option available to me.

In the spirit of the Holidays, I decided to give and share with them the precious gift of my talents and abilities---- I LET IT RIP!!

Not just once or twice mind you, but over and over and over again. I wore it proud, but best of all, I wore it loud! At the time there were about 6 or 7 people in this aisle, some couples, some singles. I farted standing directly next to some crotchety battleaxe that had just ran into my ankle with her stupid scooter. She was maybe 6 inches from me and her face was closer to my ass than it should have been, but I gave her a vociferous mouthful!

It then went silent. I think even the snow globes stopped working and the music died. Everyone in the aisle turned and looked at me, frowns and shocked looks floating around my head like swarms of gnats on a summer day. Two other people, as well as the old witch in the chariot were about to say something when I inhaled deeply, scrunched up my face, contracted my stomach muscles and pushed out another beauty that was longer and louder than the first one; this time catching the old crone with her mouth wide open.

It was simply marvelous, the perfect offense. What did I care what these nasty people thought of me? People who behave as they did aren't worthy of my attention or opinion of me, so they got what was coming.

So now I've ripped two loud, and I mean heard two or more aisles over loud, farts. The complaints and comments start flying at me fast and with a flurry of fury. Lucky for me I must have eaten something that provided me with substantial fuel, because I could feel more pressure building inside.

I told them all that I found their behaviors and attitudes to be more obnoxious and crass than the uncouth behavior I had just exhibited. I said I had been trying to be polite and courteous but I'd had enough of their entitlement behavior, rude comments, and physical abuse as they shoved me aside to save money. With each word I could feel the pressure increasing and increasing, and as the last word came out my previous vapors hit everyone's noses.

I loved seeing the looks of disgust and even some horror as I had unleashed both a class 1 and a class 3 fart. Hands began to wave in the air in front of their faces, noses were pinched, and a few coughs came out of barely working lungs that were constantly assaulted by the fumes of their BINGO ink stampers. This didn't deter me one bit though, and if you know me at all, you know what I did next.

I told them all I wasn't leaving. I was tired of being mistreated. And that this was going to continue for as long as I wanted it to. I then proceeded to open the flood gates in a stream of pestilence that damn near frightened even me. The final harmonic, rippling, and at times moist (I'm not ashamed to admit this either) achieved my goal and cleared out at least my aisle and possibly a few more. Finally I was able to shop unmolested and get the items I had wanted. Less than 5 minutes later I had over 2000 lights and I was finished.

The trip to the counter was filled with hatred and malice from the survivors as I passed them by and dragged along reminders for them to battle a second time. What's important here is that I won! I fought AARP and I won!!! Not many my age can say that.

Curse or gift? You decide. I only know that I can control it to an advantage at times, and in this instance I had made the world a better place.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

It's Coming

Slowly but surely I'm beginning to get anxious about turning 40 in a few days. Aging doesn't bother me and I'm not feeling like I've missed out on parts of my life or youth or I need to do certain things before I can't. There's not going to be any illicit affairs (unless Peri Gilpen comes calling, but I have Meva's permission on that one, just as she can answer Brad Pitt's knock on the door!); feats of strength, courage, or stupidity; or ridiculous material purchases to compensate for my age. I will not be living any lifetime movie roles.

There are two things that do bother me, and they've caused me so much stress and anxiety that I'm not sleeping (despite meds to help with that) and I'm constantly nauseous and headache ridden over these last three weeks. It's to the point that I think it is starting to manifest itself physically. Each day there are new and stronger aches and pains and when I have time to myself I feel like I am racing, where I get flushed, feel overheated, and at times my hands shake. It is annoying and I'm hoping that once I pass the Saturday milestone things will calm down.

I feel compelled to talk a bit about it, but I don't want to make this a downer of a post. Mostly I just worry about how things are right now compared to how I'd prefer my life to be. So if anyone thinks I've been distant or quite of late, I apologize. My mind has been full and conversation and patience have been in short supply of late. I promise to work on this and make noticable change in the very near future.

But for those that don't know, my son Ryan is already busting my balls. I don't mean this figuratively either. The little shit managed to step on my left testicle (that's about 40 pounds of solid toddler crushing on me) before getting startled by my initial cries of pain which caused him to get scared and drop to his knees. Guess where those said knees landed???? Yeah, that's right, if they weren't already snipped and taken out of commission, they'd be broken now! I spent three days walking gingerly and having to take pain meds for this. Big Ouch!

I want to try and find something positive, so on the plus side of things we had an absolutely gorgeous day today. I had just a small taste of fun raking up excess gravel from my lawn that I shoveled into the grass with each accumulation of winter snow. As I raked it back onto the driveway, I began to think about all the work I would soon be able to accomplish as spring arrives and the weather turns to something much more hospital for lawn and yard care.