A Cause for No Concern

Let me start off by saying a big Thank You to everyone that has written and phoned me in the past 24 hours about my last post. I was really touched by your concern and it was nice to hear from everyone. I didn't intend for any response, so let me just say that you all overwhelmed me!

I've written back to everyone individually at this point, but I'd like to publicly state a few things so that everyone gets to hear them directly from me.

First; This blog is part entertainment for me and part therapeutic. While I like to share myself and views with everyone, this site also allows me to deal with any issues I may have or may be going through. It is an introspective mentor, sounding board, and healer for me. Sometimes just by going through the movements of writing out my thoughts and feelings, I come to a better understanding of what I'm facing or even what I want to do. After almost 18 months of writing, this blog has become an integral part of me.

Second; In no way do I feel slighted or neglected by anyone. We are all very busy and have responsibilities and obligations that we have to see to. At the end of my post when I mentioned friendship, it was a very raw sharing of my feelings as I was attempting to combat my depression that night. It wasn't a major concern to me, but for whatever reason it came out as I was writing and sharing. Part of depression I think is the illogical embracing of ridiculous feelings as doubt creeps in. Meeting them head on, no matter how trivial, silly, or minor, helps me to dismiss them and think healthier thoughts.

Third; I am not currently treating this with any form of medication. I touched on it a bit in my previous post, but I am just tired of the medications. It's not that they don't work because some of them do, they just don't always work for everyone or on me. Currently I wasn't happy with any of the meds out there that I had tried, so I decided to try something new and that was to combat this without the meds using a very hyper-vigilant approach. What this means is that I am pretty constantly analyzing my feelings, motivations, and actions as I have become very aware of the patterns and destructive behaviors of this problem. For lack of a better term, I am fighting this out mentally. So far I think the results have been very good. But as a result of all this, I will possibly need to write and vent from time to time. It could be like a post such as my last one, or it might be something different, but it's all part of how I am combating this.

Fourth; I used the term "Self-Destruct" in my last post. I just want to iterate to everyone that this does not in any fashion mean physical abuse or suicide. It refers to making choices that are unhealthy and destructive in other ways. Such as purposely picking fights with people, neglecting responsibilities, or purposely making bad choices. Please, for those of you who may have thought this, I am fine.

Lastly; I just want to say that I took a risk in revealing this. I said in the post that one of my biggest fears and reasons for not bringing this up openly in the past was that I didn't want to be treated differently. That still holds true. I knew that bringing this up potentially opened the door to created a "Damned if you do, Damned if you don't" type of feeling for others. Rid yourself of those feelings and continue like you always have.

Again, I really appreciate the out pouring of concerns and interest that everyone has expressed. I means a great deal to me and I will definitely use it as part of how I deal with things during the real lows of this problem I have. Thank you all so much for caring.